


Magic Does Exist

by HeroMaggie



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Universe, Deviation From Canon, Deviation from Plot, F/M, Fenders kissing - we have finally reached fenders kissing, Fenris actually CAN SMILE, First-Person Because Why Not, Grief/Mourning, Hawke is a bit of a hyper child at times, Internal Babbling, Kissing - we have kissing and snuggling, Must Stress the Slow Build Nature of the Story..., Romance, Self-Insert Fanfic Ahead, Slow Build - so very slow build, The Fenders will come eventually, Thought I Was Dead But Now Am Not?, Varric gets us into trouble frequently, holy hell we have smut finally, talk of death and loss
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-31
Updated: 2015-08-13
Packaged: 2018-03-09 21:22:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 73,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3264806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeroMaggie/pseuds/HeroMaggie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Contrary to popular belief, magic does exist in our world. Beyond the complexities  of biology and physics, every day possesses a little bit of something magical. You go out to your car, turn a key, and the car starts up and moves. Sure, you can explain it through mechanics, but it’s still pretty magical. So is your cell phone – all that information at your fingertips and on a device small enough to slide into your skinny jeans pocket.</p><p>Jen is your average married mother of a teenage daughter. She works in Insurance. She exercises. She despairs over her fat thighs and the size of her arse. So what is she to do when one terrible car accident lands her not in the hospital or the grave but on the Wounded Coast and stranded in a world lacking proper plumbing and electricity? Bake, nag, clean, and organize her way into a new life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is called the - I was talking about self-insert fanfics and how the main character should be this normal person and not end up a super fighter or magically inclined so I wrote one chapter and then was told "you should finish it" - story. This is exactly how it started. 
> 
> So is Jen me? Jen will have many of Maggie's personality traits. Why is Jen sleeping with Anders and Fenris? Because this is my fantasy story and I said that's what'll happen. 
> 
> Will Jen learn how to swing a sword? I'm guessing we'll see a lot more baking than sword swinging in the story. But Fenris' mansion is due a good scrubbing...

Contrary to popular belief, magic does exist in our world. Beyond the complexities of biology and physics, every day possesses a little bit of something magical. You go out to your car, turn a key, and the car starts up and moves. Sure, you can explain it through mechanics, but it’s still pretty magical. So is your cell phone – all that information at your fingertips and on a device small enough to slide into your skinny jeans pocket.

And no matter how many books you read or movies you watch or Hallmark specials you take in on the television, sudden life-altering moments do not happen with magical beings showing up from outer space or what-have-you. Sometimes it’s more life or death. And let me tell you, every religious leader in the world has a view on what happens when you die. Your soul goes to heaven or hell. Your soul is judged and if you’ve done good, gets to join with the great being in the sky. Your soul goes nowhere, you just get planted under the ground…or turned to ash…or whatever… and that’s it.

So, when that semi-tractor trailer changed lanes suddenly on the I-35 overpass and hit the front bumper of our car causing us to tailspin, I was unprepared for what would happen. There was that horrific tire-squealing, the sound of my husband’s cursing, my daughter’s scream, and my surprised “Oh!” right before the concrete wall met the side of our car and my head was jerked so far to the front that the seatbelt bit into my collarbone, tightened, and wrenched my spine.

Medics would say death was instantaneous. Even with the not-so-pillowy help of the air bags, even with my stringent “always wear the seatbelt policy” and my husband’s desperate attempt to keep us from slamming into the concrete wall – death had been instantaneous. I’d like to say the husband and kiddo walked away from the wreck, left to mourn my squished corpse, but seeing as how we were hit by a semi-tractor trailer, two speeding pickups and that one BMW that had been riding our tailpipe over the overpass, I’m guessing there wasn’t enough left of the car to guarantee anybody’s survival.

But let me back up. It was a normal day – a normal weekend Saturday. We were in the car heading to get our hair cut, of all things, and driving up the I-35 corridor to meet with the I-40/I-35 interchange to head to Midwest City. It was a typical July Oklahoma day. The sun was shining, the wind was blowing, it was about one hundred degrees, and the newscasters were busy screaming about fire warnings and the ever-present drought. The kiddo was in the backseat ignoring us, as only a teenager can ignore us – with one part disdain and one part dramatic pause, just a breath away from breaking into some weird “you HATE me” lament when I told her, yet again, that she couldn’t dye her hair. The hubby was gripping the steering wheel with something like a strangle-hold while I blathered on about nothing and everything in an attempt to ignore the tension rising from the backseat. We had just changed lanes into the right lane and started on the curve to I-40, the hubby griping under his breath about that damn BMW driver and his damn insistence of giving us a rim job with his stupid expensive car, when the semi to our left realized that he needed to take that off-ramp – and promptly came over, clipping our front bumper in his haste, causing the two pickup trucks behind him to lose control and slam into us – along with the douche-bag BMW driver – and all of us to meet the concrete wall head-first.

And that’s where my story should have ended. A smear along the I-35/I-40 interchange in Oklahoma City, a name that would be put in the paper, my existence mourned by my family and friends…a life snuffed out too early they would say while probably castigating semi tractor trailer truck drivers the world over for being arsehats. My soul would float away (or not depending on who you asked) to the great beyond and that would be…it…

Except it wasn’t. Because as I said before, magic does exist in our world. Something exists. Because one moment I was going “Oh!” in a surprised and terrified tone of voice, my body was flying forward, and instead of catching on the seatbelt and having my neck wrenched and spine broken, my body kept flying forward to land in an ungraceful heap against some rocks.

I lay there, dazed and confused, and then slowly reached out a hand to pat at the rock and the ground. Yes, I could feel it. It was rocky…and hard…and sun-warmed. I moved my hand and patted at my hip, my sore hip, and pondered how I could feel that too. I rolled my eyes up and took in the brilliant blue sky and hot sun. My brain struggled with the sudden change of scenery, and I slid my tongue over my top teeth while I wondered if perhaps I was still alive but in a coma. Brain damaged. Destined to spend my life as a vegetable.

I glanced back up and saw a shimmer in the sky, a little window that showed our scrunched and compacted car. There was a smear of blood on the passenger side – where my head was hanging unmoving. The window zoomed in and yeah…there’s no getting back up from that. My head shouldn’t turn in that direction. The window snapped closed and I was back on the ground with the rock and the dirt and my confusion.

“Hey…” A voice, a prodding one. “Where did you come from?”

I rolled my eyes back up and saw that the sky now had a head floating in it. I blinked and narrowed my gaze but no, the head stayed and the mouth was moving. Certainly the afterlife should contain less mystery and more…say…chocolate. Or pillows. Or for the love of God, a bath.

“Anders, get your ass over here. She looks injured.” The voice was best described as deep with a hint of badgering and a take-charge “I will not stand for any nonsense” tenor that made me snort with laughter a bit. “She’s hysterical.”

“Am not,” I slurred. That brought me up and I straightened, letting my legs settle fully on the ground. “Not hysterical. Confused.”

“Right. So where did you come from?” That voice prodded at me and I let my head fall back against the rock as I took in the tall man looming over me.

“You know…the car.” I waved my hand up at the sky a bit, stopping when I got a look at the wicked road rash decorating my arm. “Shit.”

“Hey…you’re getting pale…hey. Anders! She’s going to pass out!” The voice went frantic, probably because the blood had drained from my face as I took in the torn-up skin on my arm and the blood sliding wetly down to dry between my fingers.

“Er…sorry. Blood makes me squicky… “ I watched with fascination as more blood welled up and dripped down my arm. “Yeah no…bye bye.” The world tilted and went dark.

***

  
My second time waking up was much more pleasant than the entire rock incident. There were pillows and blankets and a mattress. Glorious mattress with glorious pillows. I blinked up at the very nice ceiling – were those hand-done tin tiles up there? I tilted my head and pondered the decorative ceiling. Fancy, my brain offered up before quieting again. And clean…do they polish the tiles?

One of life’s great mysteries is how people manage to keep their decorative ceiling tiles clean. I always put it down to – they can hire house-cleaners whereas I can’t and so we end up with spider webs in the corners.

I was just settling in for a good ruminating on the merits of ignoring spider webs versus dealing with them when I heard a rustle and then a face appeared over mine.

“You’re awake.”

The obviousness of the statement made me open my mouth and then stop. I figured now was not a good time for my usual brand of snark and instead decided to keep everything friendly. “Yep. Awake. Again…where am I?”

“Hawke's mansion. Guest room.” The man reached down and I felt hands slide behind my back as he tugged. I obliged, sitting up so he could fluff pillows behind me. “There.”

I gazed around the room, noting pale grass-green silk on the walls and fancy Queen-Anne style furniture in what looked like mahogany. “Does he live in a museum?”

“No…why?” The man sat on the bed and brushed a hand over my forehead and I took a moment to really look at him.

Tall. Of course, tall is normal around me. Blond. Scruffy. Tired eyes in a face that would be breathtakingly handsome if he didn’t look half-starved. I blinked at him and then went back to squinting at the room. “So am I dead or not dead or is this heaven? This can’t be heaven…heaven is supposed to have streets of gold and no pain. My arm is distinctly sore. But my neck was all twisted…so not alive…but not in heaven…that’s disappointing. Are you the devil then? I always thought he’d be blond.”

The man cupped my cheek and I watched him with slightly wide eyes, a blue glow filling his hand and working over my face. It tingled. “You don’t have a concussion and your brain isn’t swollen. You aren’t dead….but you sound…confused.”

“Well yes. We were on our way to the hair place…trimming day and all that…when that ass of a truck driver ran us into the wall.” I grumbled. “I had just paid off the car! Asshat. Anyway, one minute it was all normal day stuff and then next thing I know I’m hitting a rock and watching blood drip down my arm.” I glanced at him. “So not the devil. Not hell. Not heaven. Definitely dead but not dead? Is this purgatory? I thought purgatory would be more…monochromatic. Dull.”

“This is Kirkwall.” The man said, his eyes peering into mine. “You don’t look mad…”

“Hmph,” I snorted and scooted away from him. “I’m Jennifer, don’t call me Jenny I hate it, you can call me Jen…or Jennifer…or if you must, Jean. “ I pushed back the covers and pondered the shirt I was in. It was white and long and had ties around the neckline.“This isn’t mine.”

“That’s Hawke's shirt. He was…we had to…” The man was wringing his hands a bit. “Where are you going?”

“I have no idea. But I need to use the restroom and that means getting up. I can’t be dead if I gotta pee. I am pretty sure that’s a hard and fast rule. Where's the bathroom?” I slid my feet to the floor, stood, and took in the shirt I was wearing.

Now, I am what my husband affectionately calls “cuddly.” What he means is I’m pudgy – round and dumpy and short. Short pudgy legs, short pudgy arms…pudgy. I have a belly. I have a round ass. I have round little legs. I am…round. After thirty-odd years of being round, I’ve accepted that no amount of running on the elliptical will change my spherical shape. It did give me phenomenal leg muscles and the ability to hike like nobody’s business but my pudge seemed destined to stick no matter how many calories I cut or how fast I pushed myself. The shirt was comically long and a little tight around my hips. Either Garrett was a giant or he just liked his clothing big.

A heartfelt sigh sounded behind me and the man stood, “I’ll show you to the water closet. I’m Anders by the way. You can call me Anders or…Mage…” He gestured to the door. “Where are you from?”

“Originally or as in where was I when said semi-truck ran us off the road? I’m originally from Florida but I’ve been in Oklahoma for the past ten years.” I opened the door and found myself in a hall.

“Right,” The man muttered behind me. “Why did I ask? You make no sense.”

“I make perfect sense.” I said on a sniff. “Which way? Left or right?”

“Left and down one door.” He pointed. “Call if you get dizzy.”

“Yeah.... I think I can handle visiting the little nun’s room by myself. Thanks.” I opened the door, glanced back at Anders, and then entered and shut the door.

Well shit. The water closet had a very fancy porcelain commode. With a chain. And a box. And…holy hell where was I? There was a lamp burning cheerfully on the wall – oil filled. There was some sort of paper that I assumed was for the toilet…thing…my mind burbled unhappily at the realization that death had sent me to a place lacking proper indoor plumbing. My bladder informed me it didn’t care and I decided sacrifices had to be made.

A few minutes later and I rejoined Anders in the hall, slightly traumatized and feeling grubby. “You have a sink for hand washing?”

Anders eyed me impassively before pointing to the room next to the toilet closet and I peeked inside. Sure enough, there was a sink…and some sort of mutant pump what the hell did I do with that? I glanced back at Anders, “I have no clue what that is or how to use it.”

Anders sighed, stepped into the room, and pumped the water. I watched him, made a mental note to throw myself off a bridge or into on-coming traffic to see if I could find an afterlife that included normal plumbing or perhaps no corporeal bodies, and then plunged my hands into the water. A good scrub and rub on a towel and I was ready to head back to the bedroom.

***

  
The bedroom wasn’t empty when I got back. Another man was sitting in one of the chairs taking up space by the room’s ornate fireplace. This one was dark and handsome, as opposed to blond and handsome. Bearded, broad-shouldered, and possessing eyes too blue to be real, he watched me walk in and then cocked his head at Anders.

“She’s fine.” Anders said as he pointed at the bed and then gave me a look.

I ignored it in favor of taking the other chair by the fire and offering the dark man a smile. “I guess you’re Garrett, owner of this house and the shirt I’m wearing?”

“Right on both counts. And you are?” He leaned back in his chair, his eyes taking me in from the tip of my pudgy little toes to the top of my head.

“Jennifer. Or…you know what? Just call me Jen and we’ll move on from there. Before you ask, no I’m not from around here. Yes, I am perfectly sane. No, I don’t know how I ended up against a rock.” I let my feet dangle a bit, annoyed to find the chair taller than my legs were long.

“We saw a flash of light and then you flying through the air…” The man, Garrett, let the sentence trail off as he looked at me.

“Car crash. A semi-truck hit us and we slammed into the wall. I think, technically, I’m dead. But not. As I am here. And not there…which is confusing.” I scratched at my head and tsked when I felt how my hair stuck out.

“Right.” The man shook his head. “Stranger things have happened around here. You aren’t some kind of weird maleficar are you?”

“A what?” I started finger combing my hair in the great hopes I could get it to lie down flat.

“A blood mage?” The man tilted his head, a smile quirking at his lips. “Your hair is sticking straight up.”

“I was supposed to get it trimmed today so it would stop doing this. Dammit, now I’m stuck in a world with bad plumbing and bad hair. None of this was mentioned when it came to the afterlife.” I grumbled, narrowing my eyes on the now laughing man.

“It’s cute. Like the rest of you.” That actually made me growl a bit. “I’m Garrett Hawke and you are in my home. And you’re welcome to stay. I have people coming over that could maybe help. Or at least give you some new friends…” He scratched at his chin. “I’m guessing you have no friends or family here?”

“My family died with me in that car crash. As for my friends…well…they’re all back there…” I waved my hand up at the ceiling. “I’ll pay you back somehow.”

“I’ll find you something to wear. Your clothing was pretty blood-soaked. I…don’t think I have any pants that will fit you. You’re very short…might have to run out and find something. We’ll see.” He tapped his chin and then offered me a wide smile. “Anders will stay with you. He’s our resident healer. Don’t let his spirit of Justice get on your nerves. He means well.”

Anders frowned and examined his fingernails, “Thanks Hawke. I appreciate that.”

“Hah. Let me go get the crew together and see what I can find for clothes. I suppose I could ask Izzy. She’s always got something lying around. Let me see you.” Garrett gestured and I stood up warily. He just wrapped his hands around my waist, squeezing me, and then waggled his eyebrows. “I do like heft on a woman…right. I think I can handle this.” He let me go, slapped Anders on his shoulder, and then sauntered…for a better word…out of the room.

“Did he just grope me?” I scratched at my hair and then glanced at Anders. “He did. He groped me.”

“Don’t mind Hawke, he’s…a flirt.” Anders said on a soft sigh. “You hungry?”

“You’re not going to cook for me are you? No offense, but you look half-starved. That never bodes well for the cook.” I tilted my head as I looked up at him. He gave me a small smile and shook his head. “How about you show me the kitchen and I figure it out…”

“You can cook?” He perked up a bit at that.

“Yeah. How else did I end up so round?” I glanced down at my shirt-covered self. “Ah, is anybody going to object to me only wearing a shirt?”

“That shirt is practically a dress on you. It’ll be fine. Come on, I bet Hawke has a full pantry we can raid.” He moved towards the door of the bedroom, brushing hair back from his eyes. “I don’t want you to think that I’m…look.” He stopped and glanced back at me, “Don’t worry. We’ll figure something out. Hawke never turns his back on a cause.”

“I’m not a cause, Anders.” I moved to him and shoved at him to get him to go through the door. “But I get what you’re saying. I appreciate it.”

I followed Anders down the hall and thought perhaps if I just kept my chin up and played along everything would start to make sense. Because as of right now, nothing made sense.


	2. Chapter 2

When push comes to shove, cooking is similar no matter what type of stove you have available. Or fireplace. Or whatever. Garrett's kitchen had a large wood-fed stove/oven combo. I took a few minutes to take in the absolutely beautiful workmanship of the metal contraption before rummaging through cupboards.

His pantry was, indeed, stocked. I didn’t know what some of the foods were, but it was stocked enough for me to rummage and find things to eat. Anders had taken a seat at the big wooden table taking up space in the center of the kitchen, his eyes following me as I pulled out bread and cheese and found the crock of butter. I gave him a grin and disappeared back into the pantry to forage out more food.

A little bit rifling about later and I had found the motherlode: a large hunk of uncut bacon just waiting for me to do things to it. I eyed the bacon and then the giant bag of dried beans and pondered the wisdom of starting a pot of beans. Course it wouldn’t be ready until tomorrow…and we were hungry now…

So instead I hummed while I sliced off a few thick slices of bacon, sliced bread, and wrangled slices of cheese before looking around and finding a giant skillet. That I could not lift. Damn cast-iron or whatever metal they used in this wonky place…it was heavy.

“Anders, can you get the skillet onto the stove top?” I was prodding the already burning fire, thanking the good lord above that the oven was kept lit. I added on a few more logs and then slammed the firebox door closed, just in time for Anders to heft the skilled onto the stovetop. I gazed at it and sighed. “We have to wait for it to heat. You all need electricity.”

“We have electricity,” Anders said as he sat back down. He held up a hand and sparks flew from the tips of his fingers. “See?”

I wasn’t sure how to respond to that display. I opened my mouth and closed it, opened it again and held up a hand. The room spun a bit and I watched as concern flitted over Anders’ face. “Jen? You look pale. Are you hurting? Breathe for me. Come on. Inhale…exhale…inhale…” His voice reached across the panic-filled void and calmed me. I let out a squeaky breath and backed away from him.

“Yeah…so…” I felt myself back into the stove and stayed there. We stared at each other, the quiet tension tightening into a barely-held spring. A log sputtered and burst in the firebox and I jumped slightly at the noise, spun around, and grabbed the crock of butter. When in doubt, fry bacon.

I could hear Anders shifting behind me as I dropped a large chunk of butter onto the hot skillet. The broad counter next to the stove held several utensils in a wide-mouthed jar – one of them being a two-pronged fork with a long wooden handled. I grabbed it and smeared the butter over the skillet surface, watching it sizzle. If I just kept my mind firmly planted on cooking I could ignore the panic that bubbled and frothed inside of me.

“Jen…” Anders voice was right behind me. Don’t look…just put the bacon in the pan. Mentally castigate self for putting bacon in a hot pan – the blasted strips were going to crinkle. Maybe they had a bacon press? Or a brick? Or a smaller heavy-duty plate…yes…I turned and ran into a chest. “Jen, look at me.”

“Cooking…no time…haha.” The haha came out on a hysterical note and I felt tears pricking behind my eyes.

Hands wrapped around my shoulders, “Hey. Look at me.”

I let my eyes meet his for a moment and smiled sheepishly, “Yeah?”

“It’s ok to be scared by magic. Most people are.” Anders’s voice was quiet. “I do understand.”

“Oh no. You don’t. But that’s ok. I mean…no decent plumbing but hey, you can make your fingers sparkle. What a trade-off…right? Hah. I need something to flatten the bacon. Do you see anything that will fit into the skillet?”

Anders’ eyed me and sighed, his hands falling from my shoulders. “How about this small pan?” He lifted it down from the hanging rack above the stove. “Will this work?”

“Perfect!” I buttered the bottom of the pan and slapped it down over the bacon. With nothing to do for the moment but watch the edges of the bacon dance, I let my thoughts trail back to Anders’ sparkling fingers. “What else can you do?”

“What?” Anders’ bewildered voice answered me from across the room.

“Other than the warm hand light and the sparkles. What else?” I turned my head and offered him a smile.

“Oh! Hah. I can heal…just about anything. And cast lightning bolts. And ice spells…” Anders shifted and sat down. He looked down at his hands and then up at me, answering smile shy.

“Nifty,” was my response before I turned around to pry the top pan off the bacon. “I can cook. And I sing a little. And…um…can’t do anything like what you can do.” I flipped the bacon as I pondered. “I’m pretty average.”

“No hidden sword fighting skills? How about firing bows?” Anders asked, amusement coloring his words.

“Look, do you want me to find a fun way to kill myself? Because I’ll just jab my foot or break the bow or shoot my own eye out, ok? I am doing well enough to walk in a straight line most days.” I pulled a plate from the shelves on the wall and pulled out the bacon before looking around for some sort of grease jar or a towel to soak up the excess bacon drippings. I found a small jar filled with old meat fat and glanced back at Anders. “I need you to carefully pour the drippings into this jar. No…better yet. Get me another skillet. The hot fat will just make the jar explode and I am not cleaning up that mess. Been there. Done that.”

Anders laughed softly and went to pull down another skillet, watching as I arranged it to heat on the stove. “What are you making?”

“Grilled bacon and cheese sandwiches. Boy am I missing canned soup right about now. But we will overcome. Push through. I shall just have to get creative in the kitchen. This will be an adventure.” I waved my two-pronged fork at Anders

“Cooking is an adventure?” Anders asked me, laughing at my antics.

“Done right it is.” I said primly, dropping another chunk of butter in the clean skillet and setting about frying the bread. “Damn right it’s an adventure.”

***

  
We had just finished shoving grilled bacon and cheese sandwiches into our faces when Garrett reappeared. He sniffed the air, glanced around the room, and shot me a hurt look. “You made food? Is that bacon I smell?”

“You weren't here, and I didn't know if you'd want a sandwich. Are you hungry? The pans are still on the stove...” I licked my fingers and gathered up plates, pleased to see Anders had eaten his entire sandwich. I had made his twice as big. He had looked hungry, no he had looked half-starved. “I can make you a sandwich and maybe Anders needs another one...he's...do you all not feed him?”

“I'm fine. Don't fuss.” Anders said as Garrett chuckled. There was a brief scuffle as Garrett tried to ruffle Anders' hair and Anders started glowing blue. I reached behind me, my hand finding the fork from earlier, and held it in a lose grip – just in case. Not that I would stab them but...Anders was blue and Garrett was big and my mental state was needing a break.

They both finally realized I was brandishing a kitchen utensil at them and froze. Garrett cleared his throat and gave Anders a pointed look, “Justice. You're scaring her.”

“I believe you have her worked up,” Anders' voice was two shades darker and a hair more authoritarian. “She is safe from me. You, however, continue to push our boundaries.”

I held up a hand, “Um...not to butt in or anything but Anders? Why are you blue and glowing? And what's up with your voice? Oh sweet mother, your eyes change color. I don't know if that's cool or scary or just...I need a drink.” I settled on that, looking around to see if a margarita would magically appear, slightly saddened when one didn't.

“I told you he was possessed by a spirit.” Garrett grumbled, prodding Anders' shoulder. “That's Justice. His spirit.”

I could feel my face fall into the mom-look – that look with the slightly raised eyebrows and pursed lips that generally heralded a “go to your room” followed by a lecture. Both men must have recognized that look because the blue went away, eye colors shifted back to brown, and Garrett sat down quickly. My voice was a little on the “don't bullshit me” side when I gritted out, “I don't care if he's about to shoot monkeys out his ass. You're giving me a heart condition. Look, I can either focus on cooking or have my mental breakdown. Which do you want?”

“Er...” Garrett cleared his throat. “Terrifying little thing aren't you?” He scratched at his beard and offered me a sheepish grin, “Right. People are on their way and I couldn't find clothing though I think I have a solution to the problem.” His voice came out in a woosh of air, slightly jumbled, and I put down the fork and cocked my head at him.

“My clothes?” I asked hopefully.

“Sadly, those are still being fussed over. Orana is fairly certain she can get the blood out. Bodahn is busy offering helpful suggestions. Sandal is busy keeping my dog out from under feet.” Again a slight rush of words as Garrett gave me another sheepish smile.

“Fine. Whatever. Just...if you're introducing me to more people, I'd like to be covered. And I don't know who all the people are you just mentioned , so pass on my thanks for working at cleaning my clothes. And if you'll put these pans in the sink for me, Anders, I'll wash up later.” I gave both men a bright smile, my teeth only a tiny bit gritted. Anders bit his lip, chuckled, and stood. “What?”

“Nothing. Just...nothing. Were you like this in your home? All take charge?” He asked as he took the offendingly dirty skillets to the sink.

“I don't know what you're talking about,” I said on a soft laugh. “I just don't...it's very...” I scrunched up my nose. “I'm just trying to focus on something familiar. And that's dishes and cooking and tidying...” I felt tears well up and swallowed thickly. “I mean, just this morning I was in a car headed to get a haircut. My husband was driving and my daughter was on my last nerve. I was thinking – let's just get to the hair cut place and everybody can calm the hell down. And now...they're gone. They're gone and I'm here and...and...” my breath hitched. “Is this a punishment? Did I do something horribly wrong while I was alive to have me come here and not be with them?”

There was a moment of silence as both men shared a look and then turned back to me. I watched horror fill their eyes as I broke down into tears. Big, fat tears and heaving sobs. And I'm not one of those delicate criers, either. It's all snot and swollen eyes and hiccups and wet sobs with me. I stood there, the tears scalding my cheeks and my nose slowly closing and that annoying crying-headache vicing my head and I felt hands gather me up against a slightly thin chest and heard soft murmurs.

“Shh...it'll work out. It will.” Anders was patting at my back. He moved us both to one of the kitchen chairs and I found myself being smooshed on his lap. It was mildly embarrassing and that made me giggle wetly around my tears. “Hawke's going go get something for you to put on and then we'll go wait for everybody in the sitting room.”

“Now who's bossy?” I hiccuped against his shoulder.

Anders chuckled, “Just seizing control. Hawke never knows what to do when somebody has a breakdown – himself included. He just stands there and wrings his hands.”

“Do not,” Garrett said as he let his hands drop. “Right. Just give me a few minutes and I'll be back. Or I'll just meet you in the sitting room. Yes, let's do that.” He took a moment to run a hand over my hair and I am ashamed to admit that I relaxed at the feeling of fingers ruffling the strands. “The house has been pretty empty recently. Maybe this isn't a punishment so much as a boon from the Maker.” He gave me a self-conscious smile and then rushed out of the room.

“Boon from the who?” I asked Anders as I rubbed at my cheek.

“The Maker. Don't worry. I'm sure our resident Chantry Boy will explain in great detail who the Maker is.” Anders brushed my hands away to rub the tears from my face. “And I'm sorry I scared you.” He looked chagrined, his cheeks flushing. “I'll have to sit down and explain Justice to you.”

“Well. I...um...” I opened my mouth and closed it, setting aside the entire “Spirit” deal for later. “Do you think we should have snacks for Garrett's friends?”

Anders chuckled and stood, managing to keep me in his arms. I squeaked and goggled as he started walking away from the kitchen, “You know, we'd all be happy to keep if you if it meant you cooked for us.”

“The way to a man's heart is through his stomach,” I said faintly as I clung to Anders. “That's what they say at least. I think the way to anybody's heart includes a well-cooked meal.”

He chuckled all the way into the sitting room.

***

  
Garrett's solution was for me to wear his house robe. It was...huge. And made from a plush red fabric covered in paisley print. Because even in this strange place, paisley existed. And the word huge doesn't even begin cover the size issue. The blasted sleeves dangled well below my hands and I had to hike the entire thing up to walk. But I was covered, so I didn't complain. More grumbled and kicked at all the fabric.

I had been wrapped in the robe and then placed in a too-big comfy chair near the empty fireplace in another ornately-done room – this one in soft pinks and gold. The chair was a plush wing-back with a suitably deep seat, large arm rests, and covered in a deep rose pattern. My feet sorta stuck-out from the edge of the chair, hidden by the copious amount of fabric surrounding me. I felt like a little kid playing dress-up. I looked up at Garrett and saw him grinning at me. “What?”

“You look adorable,” he said, laughing when I scrunched up my face. “You're so...little.”

“Shut. Up.” I gritted. “Or I will flounder my way out of this chair and beat you to death with these sleeves. And I am NOT little. I am obnoxiously short and round. Stop...stop laughing.” I smacked at the arm of the chair in annoyance.

Garrett snorted he laughed so hard and I was just starting to wiggle my way out of the chair when I heard a “Hawke. I received a message that you required my presence” from the doorway.

My wiggling ended with me sliding out of the chair ending in an “oof” as I stumbled over the robe, catching my head-long tumble by grabbing onto Garrett. “Ah. Fenris. Perfect timing.” Garrett chuckled as he pulled me up by the shoulder of the robe.

My croak of annoyance was cut short when I looked up and at the doorway to see a slender man staring at me. I froze, unsure of how to respond. Should I smile? Laugh? Fall through the robe to hide under the extra fabric? I settled for a small wave and shoving at Garrett, my vocal response more of a garbled “argh!” than anything.

“There is a woman wearing your house coat.” The man deadpanned. “It appears to be too much clothing for her.”

I managed to get my feet under me and I slapped at Garrett. “I'm fine. Fine. I told you I'd beat you with these sleeves,” I groused as I flailed at him. I finally pushed myself away and stumbled again as the hem of the robe tucked itself around my feet. This time I caught myself on a settee, gave a growl, and rucked the entire garment up. “Hi.” I said, turning to the man with a bright smile.

The man was grinning and when I turned back to look at Garrett it was to find the large man gaping like some loony with his mouth wide open. I turned back to the newcomer and took a closer look. White hair...dark skin...impressive tattoos...big green eyes...and what? I shuffled a little closer and blinked at his ears.

Ok – so Anders has sparkly fingers and this guy has pointy ears. Right. The room spun slightly as my brain held up a helpful “that's an elf you moron” sign, complete with mental pictures from the Pathfinder guide, while the rest of me was gibbering “inconceivable” in an accent worthy of Vizzini from Princess Bride.

Strong hands gripped my shoulders and I found myself on a settee. Big green eyes were peering into my face, concern now flaring in them. “Breathe,” he ordered.

I gasped on an inhale and then went limp against the back of the settee, “Oh heavens. I'm sorry. Just about the time I think I have a handle on this something new comes along to rock my already shaky world. I have to ask. And if this is rude I apologize but...are you an elf?” At his nod I felt the world do that shifty roll thing again.

“Fenris, why are you looming over Jen?” I could hear Anders but my vision was filled with big green eyes and white hair. “If you've hurt her...”

“She is having a panic attack, mage,” the man's voice was scathing. “I am attempting to calm her.”

Visions of Anders glowing blue danced behind my eyes and I took the little ball of screaming panic and shoved it down deep. We could panic later. “I'm fine. Fine. See...fine. Yes. Just a shock. Elf. Right. Fine. Why are you smiling?”

“You are babbling.” The man stated dryly. “You are not fine.”

“Oh no. I'm am...I think...I'm just...I hear more footsteps. More people? Can somebody come hold my hand? I think...perhaps...” I inhaled at the man's look and exhaled slowly. “Can you sit down and not loom over me?”

The lopsided grin he gave me left my mouth disturbingly dry. I worked on breathing, everything stuttering slightly when he sat down next to me, and then went back to focusing on not passing out. Anders moved over to my other side, squishing me slightly against the other man so that he could take a seat next to me.

“My name is Fenris.” I rolled my eyes up to meet his. “You are Jen?”

“Jennifer. But most people call me Jen.” I smoothed down the robe and stared hard at my hands. Anders poked my hip and I glanced up at him, meeting his slightly quizzical eyes. “There's an excessive amount of attractive men in the room and I am wearing a robe and a borrowed shirt. You can sparkle and he's an elf. My brain is just trying to decide if we should embarrass ourselves with a whoopee look at all the eye-candy or start rocking and gibbering.”

“I see I have found the party,” A voice quipped from the doorway and I tried to slide into the too-large robe to hide from the newest person. “They are in here guys. Anders and Fenris...sharing a settee...the wonders.”

I looked up at Anders and he shifted, “We don't get along.”

“That is an understatement,” muttered Fenris.

“You'll both behave while I'm sitting here. No glowing...” I was about to finish the nagging when they both murmured a yes ma'am at me. “Wait...you both glow?”

I heard husky laughter and finally looked over at the door. A short, blond man carrying a...my mind said crossbow and held up a mental image from the Pathfinder equipment guide...entered the room with a pronounced swagger. My mind was also screaming DWARF so loudly that I caught myself saying “but he has no beard...how can he be a dwarf?”out loud.

“It's all in my chest hair,” the man responded, brushing a hand over the rather thick pelt of hair covering his chest very visible chest. “Varric Tethras at your service. I see you've managed to get Blondie and Broody to behave.”

“Ahh...yes?” I offered. Seriously, if I had known there would be elves and dwarves and magic when I died I would have requested some sort of miracle or wish spell be cast so I could fit in. If somebody pulled on armor and pulled out a sword I was going to fall to my knees and curse the universe. Or wander away to bake cakes until my brain stopped sobbing at the sheer injustice at being stuck in such a fantastical place as...well...myself.

Garrett came rushing in front of the last of the group, pushing in a tall red-haired woman who was wearing armor and carrying a sword. I gave a loud harumph, causing Anders to look down at me in surprise. The red-haired woman frowned up at Garrett. “Hawke, watch your hands. You know I detest being manhandled.”

Three other people filed into the room – and I was peeved to see more armor and a what looked like a longbow. One of them was a slender, petite elven woman with short black hair and bright vivid green eyes. She clung to a staff...and my brain shrugged at that...and offered me a brief wave. Next to her stood a voluptuous woman in what appeared to be just a shirt...no pants, just a shirt...and the most amazing thigh-high boots I had ever seen. Dark skin, gorgeous ebony hair, and big laughing eyes...I looked down at the robe I was in and sighed in defeat.

The last one was a ridiculously handsome man in what I deemed the most impractical looking white armor I had ever seen. Not that I'd know. I mean, maybe armor color matters less than say, coverage. I'm pretty sure my mouth was gaping open just a tiny bit. I may have been drooling. I pondered that there were more attractive people in this entire room than I had been subjected to in real life during my entire existence. Perhaps I got sent here by mistake? This was the land of the living models and I was more...dumpy housewife who worked at a desk.

Garrett's voice cut into my musings as he offered the red-haired woman an apologetic smile,“Sorry Ave. Right. Glad you all could be here. Ah. Who was with me on the coast – oh! Anders knows her and Varric, you were there.” Garrett gestured to me. “This is Jennifer – call her Jen. We found her on the Wounded Coast this morning. She, um...”

“I died.” I said, figuring I might as well get the story out in one go. “Hit by a sem-tractor trailer. I always knew those guys were asses.” I muttered. The group gawked at me and for once I basked in being the one not confused. “If this is the afterlife I want a do-over.”

The tall man in white armor opened his mouth and was elbowed by the red-haired woman. Anders snickered and Fenris reached across my lap to smack at him. I grabbed the elf's hand and squeezed around the rather pointy glove he was wearing. My touch made Fenris freeze, which made Anders snicker again and I was stuck between one snickering man and one growling elf.

“I'd love to say I'm surprised but really, this is Kirkwall. Little surprises me anymore. I'm Aveline. It's nice to meet you.” The red haired woman offered me a brief smile. “I'm also Captain of the Guard.” Now I got a hard look.

“I'll behave,” I said as I raised my hands, letting go of Fenris' wrist. “I've never even gotten a speeding ticket.”

Garrett chuckled, “Right, and this over here is Merrill, the smirking one is Isabela, and that's Sebastian.” The little elven woman waved at me. The woman not wearing pants winked at me. The tall man in white armor offered me a short bow. “I brought you all here to meet her because she has no friends or family here.” Garrett took a seat. “She'll need help settling in. Jen, do you have...I mean, what are you good at? For instance, Isabela here is sneaky, fast, good with a knife, and knows how to walk around without pants. And Aveline hits things. Hard. Varric tells stories...you get the picture.”

The entire group turned to look at me and I felt a flush hit my cheeks, “Well...ah...I am organized. And I cook...um...I got a degree in English so I can write coherent sentences and lie convincingly well in a paper...um...I am a A+ talker...” I squirmed under their gaze. “I don't know anything about fighting beyond flailing my hands...”

“She can cook. Really well. And I will also agree with the talking skills. Very...verbose...” Anders squeezed my knee and I rewarded him with a smack on the arm.

“No fighting skills?” Asked Aveline. “None?”

“I can wave a fork at you?” I offered. “Or fall on you if you prefer...”

“So not as such. Well...we'll figure something out.” Aveline's face relaxed, “You're all alone? No family to speak of?”

I bit my lip, “My husband and daughter died with me but didn't show up here. I...guess I am...” I felt Anders shift and then his arm wrap around me. “I'm alright...no. Hah. No, that's a lie. I died. I saw it. But now I'm here and...I don't know where here is but...I won't be a burden. I'm a fast learner.”

The group pondered that last statement. “She could help me in the clinic,” Anders offered. “She can mother with the best of them.”

“I can always use help with paperwork,” Aveline said. “You did say you were organized. Maybe we can get you a position in the Viscount's Keep. Maker knows, the Seneschal could use an assistant...unless you can't stand being around bureaucrats.”

The rest of the group chimed in with suggestions and I turned to offer first Anders and then Fenris a smile. “Well..if we can just get me some clothing that fits, this bodes well for the future.” I settled back, leaning slightly against Anders as the group threw out suggestions and argued with each other. I'm not sure how I managed it, but I drifted off to sleep, lulled by the sound of voices and the feeling of a warm arm holding me close.

I guess the shock from the day finally caught up with me.


	3. Chapter 3

I woke to a quiet room. Lying there in the silence, the memories swarmed around in my brain: car accident, death, rocks, sky, handsome men, cooking...elves and a dwarf...my brain finally caught up to the here-and-now and I exhaled slowly. Calm down, Jen. The world isn't ending. It'll all work out. Right? Right?

My next inhale was a little damp as tears pooled at the corner of my eyes. I indulged in a sniffle, rubbing at my cheeks with the back of one hand. A throat clearing had me lifting my head and I saw the elf from earlier sitting across the room. What was his name...

“What has made you cry?” His voice was quiet, if gravely, and a little hesitant. I pushed myself up, annoyed to find myself still mired in Garrett's robe. “Here, you will fall off if you keep moving like that.”

He moved over to me and grasped the shoulder of the robe, pulling as I sat up. I felt the fabric shift and suddenly I could move. I gave a grumble, untied the entire mess, and yanked the offensive garment off. “Stupid...too big...robe.” I grumbled, shoving it off the settee. I wrestled with the shirt and finally pulled the robe over me like a blanket. “I miss my clothes. I miss plumbing and canned soup and...my cat...”

The man watched me, slowly perching on the other end of the settee, “I imagine this entire incident has been traumatic for you.” He rubbed at his leggings...he was wearing leggings. I took a moment to look at his clothing, eying the armor and tunic. It was all distressingly close-fitting and black and really let me see his lithe form. I averted my eyes, not sure I wanted to SEE his lithe form.

“It's been something, that's for sure. I ah...I can't remember your name.” I winced slightly. “I'm terrible with names.”

“Fenris.” He glanced over at me. “Do I scare you?”

“No? Should you?” I shoved the robe off and made sure the shirt was pulled down. “It's unreasonably warm. Too warm to be bundled up in that...thing. What happened to Anders? Where's Garrett?”

“The Arishok sent a messenger requesting Hawke's presence. Anders refused to allow him to go without him. I offered to stay with you.” I shifted slightly as I realized we were alone in the house. He noticed and grimaced a bit, “Do my markings scare you?” His fingers tapped at one of the lines of his tattoos. I tilted my head and reached out a hand, touching the point of his chin with one finger. He flinched and sat back, pulling out of touching distance. “I do not like...touching...nobody touches me.”

“Your tattoos are amazing. I'm afraid of needles so...no tattoos for me. Or piercings. Why don't you like to be touched?” I laid my hands back in my lap, conscious now that I had grabbed his hand a couple of times earlier when the group had been crowding the room and their foreign presences had been more than I could handle. I had alternated between Anders and Fenris, grabbing a hand or clenching an arm, till I had fallen asleep from the strain.

“These aren't tattoos. They are brands, supposed gifts from my Master to his favorite slave. He gave me these markings – to intimidate, to protect him, to show that he was a powerful magister. They are made from lyrium embedded in my skin. Sometimes touching makes them hurt or throb.” He glanced away from me, his face darkening. “I'd flay them from me if I could.”

“Well then...they don't call you Broody for nothing, huh? Good Lord. First off, whoever this magister...master... guy is – they deserve to be kicked in the balls. Repeatedly. With cleets. Secondly, slavery is a big old no. Illegal. Third...you're rather dramatic, hmm? “Flay them from me.” Wow. Just...wow. Seems to me like this magister guy did all this work and you outsmarted him. You're here and he's not.” I stood and stretched, wincing when my back popped. “I also don't know what lyrium is.”

Fenris was watching me, one of his eyebrows floating up near his hairline. “The abomination did tell me that you were prone to babbling.”

“The abomination?” I rolled my eyes a bit and looked around the room. It was tidy and put back together. I was not feeling tidy or put together. I was feeling one good scare away from screaming and then banging my head against a hard surface. I had to hope that the feeling would pass eventually.

“The mage...Anders...” Fenris curled his upper lip in distaste. “He is possessed.”

“Right – the blue glowy thing.” I wiggled my fingers and shrugged. “Eh.”

“Your response to him having a demon inhabiting him is to say...”eh?”” Fenris was looking vaguely outraged. I was wondering if I could remember how to get to the blasted water closet. My bladder was pressing uncomfortably against my innards and it hurt a tiny bit.

“Look. I sorta met the blue part of him and he seemed ok. Course, I have no basis for comparison here. What if his spirit was...say...a spirit of love or compassion or...um...empathy? Do those exist? They would have to...if you have Justice...and would it matter?” I shrugged. “At any rate, he was nice to me and that counts for something. Now...somewhere in this mansion is a water closet. I am going to go find it, use it, and then hate myself for a good ten minutes because it's not proper plumbing. You can stay here and glower at the empty fireplace or you can come with me so I don't wander off and get lost. Your choice.” I tossed the robe over the back of the settee and started out of the room.

A glance back over my shoulder showed one surprised elf gaping at me. I shrugged and continued into a large atrium with stairs. The atrium was bank-worthy, what with the amount of decorative stone, shiny floors, and heavy wooden tables gracing it's wide space. It was certainly stately enough. I pondered my options between the doors set in the walls and the stairs. Right...upstairs. I started up, covering a small grin with my hand when the elf joined me.

“So...you truly are not frightened of me?” He was honest-to-goodness confused, glancing at me with wide eyes.

“You're about as terrifying as my daughter. Which is to say, just a small bit but it's best to not show it. You'll run rough-shod over me if I do.” I started opening doors, finding the bedroom I had used after three tries. I counted down the hallway and headed towards the water closet. “You seem surprised.”

“It is just...I am supposed to intimidate people.” Fenris sounded confused and not a little bit put-out. “I have a giant sword, I have tattoos that glow. I can reach into a chest and yank out the still-beating heart...”

“Really?” I came to a stop in front of the water closet and turned to gawk at Fenris. “Into a chest? Like Indiana Jones and Kali Ma and the fire and all that?” I wiggled my fingers in front of his chest and intoned “Kali Ma Shakti de” in a dramatic manner.

Fenris' face went blank and then his tattoos lit up and the room spun as I stopped breathing. He went incorporeal – thank you Pathfinder for always giving me a reference for the weird shit in life – and reached out in my direction. I shrieked, fell backwards, and landed in the water closet. I slammed the door closed with my foot and lay on the ground breathing hard.

“Jen?” I heard his worried voice from the hallway. “Are you alright?”

“You win. You're scary. Give me a moment to...ah...just give me a moment.” I pulled myself up and wobbled. Well then – I did sort of deserve that. Mental note to self, the handsome elf glows and is crabby. I wondered if a cake would sort out his bad mood...

***

  
It turns out we had plenty of time to find out if cake, did indeed, improve the elf's mood. With no clothing – mine was still drying – and nothing else to do, I meandered back to the kitchen. Once there I went spelunking in the pantry, muttering to myself as I pulled out various foods in an effort to assemble something good.

Garrett had to be part of the upper class. Other than the mansion filled with art and fancy furniture, his pantry had spices and other goodies. He had enough variety for me to throw together a sugar cake – once Fenris had pulled down a round pan from the pan rack. The smells of vanilla and butter scented the kitchen while I hauled out the bacon again and attacked some cabbage found in a barrel (of all places) and set Fenris to peeling potatoes – which he did with only a minor amount of grousing.

A short time later and I was poking at a giant pan of bubble and squeak – the British food of leftover bliss, or at least MY leftover bliss. I had found the recipe in an old cookbook I had purchased at a library book sale, tried it, and declared it comfort food amazing. My daughter had always sort-of poked at hers but the husband had gobbled it up every time. Fenris seemed to have no problems eating it, consuming two large slices in quick succession, barely taking a break to talk. Which was fine with me. I picked at my plate and watched, allowing my nerves to settle down.

It made me wonder if he got many home-cooked meals. Like Anders, there was something hungry about him, lean and hard and obviously used to not-having. I knew that look well. I had been a poor college student and then a poor college grad. Back then, any home cooked meal had been a blessing.

There was plenty of the bubble and squeak left for Anders and Garrett, so I covered it with a lid and set it back on the back burner before pulling out the sugar cake and sprinkling fresh sugar on top. I was humming, sliding a butter knife around the edges of the cake to loosen it, when I found myself pressed against the stove, Fenris body a long line against my back.

“Fenris, you're crowding me,” I nudged back at him with my elbow, not even budging him.

“What is that? It smells amazing.” He pressed closer and peered over my shoulder. “Is that a cake?”

“Good grief,” I put the knife down and turned, finding myself now chest to chest with Fenris. “What? It's just a sugar cake – super simple.” It was amusing that he was just tall enough to look over my shoulder, but not so tall that he completely loomed. I tried muscling him back and he didn't even twitch. I sighed.

“The abomination was not lying. You are a good cook.” He was leaning against me to peer over my shoulder. I'm not sure he even noticed the touching, the cake taking up his entire attention. “Are you going to cut me a slice?” He moved back a hair and gave me what I could only call “puppy eyes.”

“Are you...are you trying to sweet talk a piece of cake out of me?” I poked his chest again and gave a huff of annoyance. “Go sit down. Shoo. Sit. No, not reach around me. Fenris!” I slapped at his arms and sighed. “I thought you disliked being touched.”

“I am rethinking my stance with cake present. I am also pondering how to best lure you away from Hawke's mansion. If I purchased food staples, would you cook for me?” He moved back a bit more and tried another puppy-dog look. I bit my lip to keep from laughing. “I, ah, would probably need to explain the state of my accommodations...perhaps...I...” he floundered.

“Lord. Sit down and I'll get you some cake. Where do you normally eat at if not at home? Can't you cook?” I watched him sit down and shake his head. “Great gravy. Well. I'll...think about it. I know Garrett said he had staff...not that I've seen anybody. I'm guessing they're all out or maybe I scare them...”

“He gave them the night off. He did not wish for you to be overwhelmed.” Fenris' head perked up at the sound of feet moving through the house and he stiffened, reaching for his sword that he had placed against his chair. I watched in consternation as he stood and hefted the blade in one, smooth motion, moving swiftly to stand in front of me. I felt behind me, grabbing up what turned out to be wooden spoon and cowered a bit behind the well-armed elf.

Garrett came tromping into the kitchen, Anders behind him, and Fenris relaxed. I went boneless and grabbed at Fenris' shoulders as my body went limp. He glanced back at me and whatever he saw on my face had him twisting around and gathering me up. “It is just Hawke and the abomination.”

“Nice to see you as well, Elf.” Anders muttered, his lips pursing. “Jen, are you alright? Is he hurting you?”

“That is the second time you have accused me of harming her. She was obviously frightened by your return. I am attempting to soothe her.” Fenris tugged me a smidge closer to him and I rolled my eyes.

“Boys. Really. Fighting is not allowed in the kitchen. Fenris I'm fine. Thank you. Why don't you put down your...ah...sword and go eat your cake? Anders and Garrett, wash up. I have dinner ready for you two. Fenris said you went to talk to some...um...who did you say?” I waved my spoon weakly at Fenris.

“The Arishok,” His voice was a gentle rumble and he eyed me closely before releasing me. “The leader of the Qunari.” I gave him a blank look as he moved back to his seat at the table, placing his sword behind his chair, and sitting down again. “It would be hard to describe them.”

My brain took the entire idea of Qunari, boxed it up, and shoved in the “we'll find out later” pile. “Right. Well. I made bubble and squeak. So get those hands washed and I'll get your places set.” I waved my spoon at Anders and Garrett.

“Maker, she's terrifying. I said that, right? Did you see Fenris listen to her? And she cooked dinner! I think I'm keeping her. And is that...cake? Are you eating cake? I want cake.” Garrett was babbling as he moved to the sink to scrub his hands. Anders shook his head and moved to me.

“How are you feeling?” His hand swept over my cheek and I flushed at him. He offered me a smile and tilted my chin up, his eyes moving over my face. “You look better than you did earlier.”

“I'm...fine. Sort of. No sense in continuing to have mental breakdowns, right? Are you alright? You look hungry again. Wash your hands and sit. Let me feed you.” I swear I was gaining a soft spot for the man. Maybe it was his insistence on fussing over me. Or the slightly bruised look he carried with him. The good Lord knows I'm a sucker for sweethearts.

“Garrett, as a friend I feel I must warn you. I am going to steal Jen from you so that she may cook for me.” Fenris was leaning back in his chair, a satisfied look on his face. “Do you not have Orana to cook for you?”

“Now see here. I found her...” Garrett sputtered, sitting down and giving me a wide grin when I set his plate in front of him. “Besides, look at her. She can wear my shirts and cook and...be safe...” He waved his fork at me and I rolled my eyes and went to get Anders' his plate. “She probably doesn't even like you.”

“Garrett Hawke!” I could feel my mom-tone coming out and winced a bit. These were full-grown men perfectly capable of handling anything life threw at them and I was waving a wooden spoon in the face of one of them. “He has been quite pleasant...and that was quite rude.”

Anders sat down, offered me a shy smile, and dug into his plate. He glanced at Garrett and chuckled, shaking his head. Garrett slumped, his tone apologetic, “But...”

“It's not like I have anywhere to go. But...”I stopped and then looked around, “I do enjoy cooking. And they obviously can't...and...if it'll help. I want to be a help. I'm not needing to be rescued, Garrett. You did that already. Now I need to find a place to settle in, to be of use. And if it's providing meals. Well. I'll provide meals.”

“I still think she could help out in my clinic,” Anders said around a mouthful of potato and cabbage. “The people in Darktown could use a little comfort.”

“You have a clinic?” I offered Anders a smile before going to slice more cake and dish out seconds. “What kind?”

“A free clinic for the poor and needy.” He flushed a bit. “It's in the poorest area of the city. Garrett's basement has a door that opens right next to my clinic.”

“Heavens. Really? That's...admirable.” I looked at Anders with wide eyes. A healer who healed the poor and destitute. I felt my heart lurch. I glanced at Fenris and thought about him – an ex-slave mutilated by his owner. And Garrett seemed to have nobody. How many other people existed in the city that were hurting? “I'm sure they're all hurting for food and comfort. I wouldn't mind helping out. And Fenris was saying something about the state of his living arrangement...I wouldn't mind helping him out. And if Aveline needs help with paperwork, well, I'm good at that as well. I just need to do something. Not sit in this very lovely mansion every day till I keel over.”

Garrett shoveled another bite of food into his mouth, chewing slowly as he thought, “Well, I think our first goal should be clothing so you can get out of the house. Second goal should be getting you acclimated to the city. You need to be able to not get lost. Then, we'll see. And you are welcome to stay here. It's really just me, Bodhan and his son Sandal, Orana, and my dog Boxer. We're it in this big place. “

I took a seat at the table, picking at my own piece of cake, “You're all alone? No family?”

“I have a sister in the Gallows. She's a mage and...well...that's discussion for another time. My mother was murdered recently and...” Garrett's face grew sad, his eyes hollowing, and he cleared his throat. “Anyway, it's just me here.”

“Garrett. I'm...I'm so sorry. It's generous of you to offer me a room and of course I'll accept.” I poked at my cake a bit more, “I'm sorry for nagging.”

“Oh! Don't be. I enjoy it. It makes me feel needed.” Garrett chuckled, “This was good. Your cake looks good. Can I have a slice?”

“Of course,”I stood and found myself drawn to him. I brushed a hand over his hair, sweeping the curls back from his face, and bit my lip. I patted Garrett's head, moved to pat Anders' cheek, and then went to dish out cake. Not heaven or hell but more like – a place filled with people who needed a little bit of affection. I let that thought settle in my brain as I slid slices of cake to Anders and Garrett, giving Fenris a second slice. The lord knew, there seemed little comfort here for any of these men.


	4. Chapter 4

About a week later, I was able to leave Garrett's house. It had taken that long to meet with a seamstress and get at least the start of a wardrobe together. I had made noises to Garrett about spending so much money on me, after all I was still practically a stranger. But Garrett had just laughed and told me he could spend his money however he wanted to. And really, I couldn't argue with him. I needed the clothing and he seemed to have a need to take care of me.

I baked him a cake in thanks.

But now I was free to leave the house. Don't get me wrong, I had enjoyed spending time with Garrett's interesting collection of house...helpers. Bodahn and his son, Sandal, were two very sweet...dwarves. Both had taken great pains to make me feel welcome and comfortable. Bodhan had the best collection of stories, always willing to tell one while he fussed over the house. Sandal was just a sweetheart and a surprisingly good listener. Bodahn had introduced me to Orana – and I'm glad he had done the introductions because I was still getting used to being in Garrett's house and Orana was skittish. It took a while, almost the entire week, to get Orana to relax around me. She had started out referring to me as Mistress Jen – a designation I fought hard to get rid of. I guess seeing me covered in flour while yelling at the stove started changing her mind about the type of person I am because now we sit and chat together and she's dropped the entire “Mistress” deal.

Boxer and I hit it off pretty much immediately. Big dogs are, almost always, giant babies around their owners. Boxer was no exception. In fact, he shadowed me constantly – always underfoot and ready for a good belly rub. I was told that he was a trained war-dog. Garrett had filled me on the history of the mabari, how important they are to Fereldens, and how Boxer was pure-bred. I had looked down at the drooling, slobbering, smelly dog at my feet and watched with great amusement as he rolled onto his back, wagged his stumpy tail, and whined for attention.

Right – a terrifying war dog.

So, it had been about a week and I finally had clothing. I was, quite frankly, enamored of my dresses and tunics and trousers. Despite my round shape, the seamstress had managed to make some things that draped and flowed and instead of feeling like a trussed-up goose, I felt like rather pretty. I had opted for a dress today – the dress part in tan and then underskirt in blue – because why the hell not wear a dress for my first outing? Armed with a basket of cookies, scribbled directions, and Boxer, I was ready to conquer my first trip outside of the house.

My first destination was Fenris' mansion. I had been told that he lived “close” and that he could take me to Anders' clinic. It had been a few days since I had seen either of them. Garrett had been in and out – something to do with the Qunari and an...Arishok....and if Garrett was out that meant his friends were busy being out with him. It amused me how they followed him around as if he was the leader of some super-secret crime-fighting group. Though, with the stories he told, I truly figured that was what he was. I had taken to referring to Garrett as “Iron Man” and his friends his “Avengers” when alone. It helped me cope just a bit.

It also gave me something to do. I was currently trying to match up each person with an Avengers persona. It was...going slowly.

I had been assured by Garrett that Fenris wasn't being dragged out today. Nor Anders. But he had to go meet with the Viscount about some latest crisis in the city. So he drew me a map, gave me directions, and tasked Boxer with protecting me. I packed a wooden spoon – just in case. I mean, I wasn't carrying any money and all a thief would get is a basket full of cookies but still – the wooden spoon was my weapon of choice.

So off we went, Boxer and I and a basket of cookies. My first step outside had rendered me speechless. The streets were all paved in stone. They weren't cobblestone, either. No, these were all cut squares and carefully placed – all stone...must have taken forever to do. Garrett's house opened into a wide courtyard of paved pale stone and obsessively maintained flower beds. Across the broad, open space were majestic stairs leading up to what I had been told was the Viscount's Keep. I let my eyes trail up to take in the sheer bulk of the building, swallowing slightly at how intimidating it looked. I glanced down at my map, tilted my head, turned the map to face the correct way, and then stepped into the courtyard.

***

  
Boxer proved to be more intelligent than he had let on. I had been climbing up a set of stairs – my third set since we left Garrett's house – when I looked down and asked the dog “Do you think we're going the right way to Fenris'?”

Boxer had huffed, tugged on my skirt, and started back down the stairs. I shrugged and followed, figuring it was worth a shot as Garrett's map-drawing abilities left much to be desired. A few minutes later, one staircase, and two left turns, and we were standing in front of a slightly decrepit mansion.

“Are you sure this is the right place?” I asked, glancing down at the dog sitting patiently at my feet. His “woof” of response had me shrugging and knocking on the door. And then knocking again.

After the third knock, Boxer stood and scratched at the door, shooting me a look that clearly seemed to say “he doesn't answer the door.”

“Are you telling me Garrett just barges in?” Boxer responded with a “woof” of agreement and I sighed. “It's so...rude. Fine. Have it your way.”

A quick test of the doorknob proved that the door was, indeed, open. In fact, closer inspection showed that the lock looked broken. It just added to the over-all aura of “nobody lives here.” Which I should have paid more attention to. I opened the door, stepping in faster than I wanted to because of Boxer's insistence at pushing his way in behind me, and let the door close.

The room was dim and gloomy, the only illumination being the sun through dirty windows. I let my vision settle and took a step in, looked down to see why my steps were making “squelching noises,” and let out a terrified shriek.

There was a corpse on the floor. No, there were three corpses on the floor, and one of them was staring at me.

The room started spinning, and I had a half-thought that collapsing onto the squishy floor in my new dress would make me mad later. So I blindly reached for Boxer and tried to back up to the front door, convinced we had wandered into some horrible crime scene. The sound of feet pounding down stairs and an eerily familiar blue glow heralded Fenris' arrival – just in time for me to run into the wall and let out another short scream.

“Jen?” He stopped glowing and let his sword tip drop. “Is that you?”

“Dear heavens, Fenris? Is that you?” My voice was hesitant and breathy. I was keenly aware of one hand gripping the basket and the other gripping Boxer.

Strong hands wrapped around my shoulders and I found myself pressed against a spiky-armor covered chest. “What are you doing here?”

“You LIVE here? Boxer brought me to the right house? There's...dead people on the floor and your carpet and...dead people...” I babbled inanely into his shoulder. I tried gathering my thoughts. “I...um...I brought you a present and ah...”

Fenris let out a distinctly uncomfortable sigh, “I apologize for the state of my living quarters. I do not pay the corpses much attention.”

That had me pulling back to blink at him, “Seriously? I'm...we're...I'm talking to Garrett about this.” I glanced over his shoulder and then closed my eyes again. “I am fairly certain we can fix this.”

“I wish you would just let me visit you.” Fenris was slowly guiding me up the stairs. “My comfort is not overly important.”

“That's a load of bull-hokey.” I grumbled as I was led into a slightly cleaner room. The air was certainly fresher – probably due to the holes I could see in the roof. I eyed the rumpled bed and twin chairs placed in front of the unlit fireplace. “Sweet Jesus. We're fixing this.”

“I do not require....” Fenris started, stopping when I rounded on him, his ears dropping a bit as I growled.

“This is unsanitary and unsafe and I won't allow it. Why does Garrett allow it? What? You threw some sort of temper tantrum and he gave in? Glowed blue and threatened to yank out body bits? This is just...is that broken glass on the floor and wine on the walls? I am so cleaning this. I wonder if Orana would help...I bet if we dumped Bodhan in here it would be clean in an afternoon. That man can bustled.” I was muttering half to myself, the rest of it being directed at Fenris . “No wonder you don't cook here.”

Fenris was looking mildly fearful and glanced down at Boxer as if hoping the dog would save him. Boxer simply sat down and proceeded to give the uncomfortable elf a distinctly amused canine grin. Fenris frowned at the dog and swung his eyes back to my face, “Jen...why are you here?”

“My clothing came in and I thought I'd surprise you with a visit. And some cookies.” I waved the basket at him. “And then I was going to ask if you could show me how to get to Anders' clinic so I could bring him cookies too. I'd ask Garrett but he's visiting the Viscount.”

“You brought me cookies?” Fenris' ears perked up. Why had I never noticed the slightly expressive power of Fenris' ears before? I watched in utter amazement as they flicked gently, probably in excitement. Fenris was pulling out a cookie and shoving it in his face like a small child allowed to visit the dessert table unsupervised. His groan made me blush. “These are amazing.”

“Ah...glad you like them.” I curled my fingers, clenching them to keep from tidying up. “I baked that batch just for you.”

Fenris put down the basket and brushed crumbs from his chest. He let his eyes wander down my body and I squirmed a bit, never comfortable with attention focused squarely on me. His eyes meandered back up until his gaze met mine and his smile made me squirm a bit more, “You look very lovely. The tans of your dress make your hair look redder.”

Sweet Mother of God. My mother had always put stock in a pretty dress and baked goods when it came to attracting romantic attention. I admit, it had worked enough to grab my husband – though it had been a silly t-shirt and a pot of potato soup but that was beside the point. The point mom had made was – never underestimate the power of good food and personal hygiene. I had thrown on a dress and brought Fenris cookies. I had to wonder if perhaps I was throwing off signals that I didn't mean to throw off.

Oh shit – and I was going to go visit Anders like this too. I wanted to face-palm. I wanted to go home and change and have a do-over. I glanced down at Boxer and he gave me a very amused and knowing look. Stupid dog.

“So...ah. Thank you?” I cleared my throat and gave in to the need to make his bed, moving quickly across the room and grabbing a blanket to shake out. Anything to distract me from the realization that I may have just blundered over the friendship line. “The hair, ah, it just does what it does. Some days it looks red. Some days brown. Just depends...”

“What are you doing now?” He had gone back to rummaging in the basket, leaning his hip against one of the chair backs as he munched on a cookie and watched me. “Are you making my bed?”

“No...maybe. Yes. Yes I am.” I picked up a pillow and started fluffing it. “I'm sorry. I can't help it.”

His lips twitched and he pushed off of the chair. I stood by his bed with the pillow gripped in my hands, my eyes wide, as he swiftly moved across the room to me. He pulled the pillow from my hands, tossed it back on the bed, and stepped into my personal space.

Which made me squeak in alarm and croak out “Anders' clinic?”

The look of annoyance flashing over Fenris' face made me take a step back, wobble, and sit down on his bed with an “oof.” Fenris loomed a bit over me and that made me squeak again. “I do not wish to see the abomination today.”

I wilted a bit, “But I don't know how to get to his clinic and Garrett said you could take me.”

Fenris sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You ask a lot.”

I didn't think, just grabbed his hand and widened my eyes, pleading, “Please. Garrett can't take me today.”

Fenris glanced down at my hands around his and then shook his head. He tilted his head as he looked at me, “Did you bring me cookies to bribe me?”

“No. I brought you cookies because you seemed to enjoy my baking and I wanted to bring you a gift. I haven't seen you in a couple of days...and thought that since I had clothing I could visit you.” I frowned a bit. “I would have added a cake if I was bribing.”

Fenris sat down next to me and pondered that statement. “I could be bribed with cake, yes,” he finally decided. He glanced over at me, his lips twitching into a small smile, “I find myself unable to say no to you when you pout.”

“Good heavens, are you flirting with me?” I pressed a hand to my chest and tried to not look as alarmed as I felt.

“Perhaps. Would that be a problem?” He raised one eyebrow and tipped his head down so that he was looking at me through the fringe of his white hair. I blinked as he added a wider smile to the entire come-hither look.

“No?” I hazarded. Was it a problem? Flirting was fine, yes? Just friendly flirting. Haha. See...friendly flirting. I glanced back over at him and he let out a wicked chuckle and stood. The alarmed feeling grew stronger. Or maybe not friendly flirting? Buddha on a bicycle, what did I get myself into this time?

“Let me get my sword and we shall go. The way to the clinic is through Hawke's house.” Fenris hesitated a moment and then offered me his hand. I took it, curling my smaller fingers around his narrow ones and he tugged me up effortlessly. “Your gown is lovely, as are you Jen. I appreciate the visit. And the gift. And I apologize that my domicile is...unsavory.”

“Yes...well...I am going to talk to Garrett and we are going to clean it or you will have to...I don't know...move in with Garrett or something. This isn't safe. It's also unhygienic and you can get sick or hurt or...” I blinked when he laid a finger over my lips.

“You are fussing.” His eyes laughed at me, his ears pinking slightly when he looked at his finger. “Say thank you.” He pulled his finger from my lips and I grinned.

“Thank you.” I said on a laugh. “Come on, show me how to get to this clinic. I've been told to expect it to be dank and gross. I thought Garrett meant where Anders' clinic was located...not your house.” Fenris shot me a slightly peeved look and I chuckled, snapping for Boxer. Fenris shook his head, made sure the basket of cookies was covered, and then led us from the room.

***

  
“This is only slightly worse than your house,” I said with my nose wrinkled. We had just stepped through a narrow door from the lowest level of Hawke's basement. The surrounding area was, indeed, dank and dim and dreary...and smelled like stale air, mold, and body odor. I inhaled, sneezed, and sighed. “I am allergic to mold.”

Fenris glanced at me with concern on his face. “See the lantern? When it is lit, he is open and taking patients. Though I have seem him take patients even when the lantern is dark...he has little regard for his own health and well-being.” I frowned a bit at that, gripped the new basket tightly, and set off across the small landing to the open doors that were recessed into the left wall.

The clinic was big and open and airy and surprisingly clean and fresh smelling. The dirt floor had a layer of rushes – clean I was assuming – and little bundles of herbs were hung around the room, their sharp, bright smell perfuming the air. Anders was sitting on a stool, the clinic empty except for a few people resting on cots. His back was too us so I could see how his hair looked unkempt and he drooped a bit over the table. My heart hurt at how tired he looked.

“Anders?” I moved across the room slowly, offering the patients a shy smile. “Are you ok?”

He straightened and turned, his face lighting up. “Jen! Oh...and Fenris...hmm...well, can't expect you to wander around alone, right? What are you doing here?” He went to stand and I waved at him, rushing so he wouldn't feel obligated to get up. “Are you ok?”

“Yes! Of course I am. Silly question. I brought you a treat. Managed to get Fenris to show me the trick to finding you. This is quite the setup.” I plunked the basket on the table and then reached for Anders' hair, smoothing it back. “You look exhausted. You need to rest and eat.”

“You're fussing,” Anders said on a laugh.

“That's what Fenris said earlier. Have you SEEN his house? It has CORPSES.” I whispered dramatically to Anders, my eyes wide. “I might drag Orana and Bodahn over there to scrub.”

“Fasta Vass. You are still fussing, woman.” Fenris muttered, shifting uncomfortably.

“Grumpy,” I teased at him. I sighed and wrapped my arms around Anders' shoulders, squeezing him slightly. “I got my new clothes in and I thought I'd visit my two favorite people. I'm glad I came down here, you look like you could use some company.”

“Isn't Hawke one of your favorite people?” Anders asked as he tugged me closer to him so that I was leaning against his side. I felt myself relax against Anders, his presence more soothing than Fenris'. I had a brief flare of worry that I should move and then let it go. Anders didn't seem to notice, being too busy rifling in the basket. He let out a happy sigh when he pulled out a cookie. “Or has he driven you insane with his worrying?”

“He's my third favorite person. I suppose. He does nag a bit, though.” I said with a wry smile. “I made those with Orana. I hope you like sugar cookies.”

Anders made a happy noise, stuffing another cookie into his mouth. I watched him for a moment, my smile soft. Then I turned and beamed at Fenris. “Thank you for showing me how to get here.” I slowly pulled out of Anders' grip, moved to Fenris' side, and slid an arm around his waist to half-hug him. Fenris lit up at both the quick squeeze and my thanks.

“I would not want you wandering down here unsupervised. And if it made you happy then seeing the abomination was a small price to pay.” His eyes grew mischievous and he nabbed me lightning quick and gave me a light hug before releasing me and moving away.

Anders watched us, his eyes suddenly sharp as he took in Fenris' touches. “Where is Hawke?”

“With the Viscount. Something something city is in peril, something something. Garrett was talking and I was only half-listening.” I waved my hand. “Doesn't Aveline work in the Viscount's Keep?”

“Mmhmm,” Anders hummed on a nod. He swallowed and wiped the crumbs from his lips, “Thinking of seeing if she needs help?”

“Maybe,” I sighed and perched on a cot, letting my legs dangle. “Only so much sitting and reading I can do before I go stir-crazy. I need...direction. A reason to get up in the morning.” I frowned and watched my feet swing. “I'm...having problems sleeping. Nightmares. Can't get my brain to shut off. I keep wondering why I'm here. Why me?”

“Jen,” Anders stood and moved to me, “I don't know if any of us can answer that but...I know I'm glad you're here.” He sat down next to me and slid an arm around my shoulders. I sighed and relaxed.

“I agree, for once, with the abomination. It is good that you are here with us.” Fenris shifted and looked uncomfortable, the tips of his ears reddening, “I appreciate the concern you have shown me. It is...unexpected and...pleasant.”

“See. Even the broody elf likes you.” Anders said, his hands coming up when Fenris started scowling. I may have had to break-up a fight, but there was a noise of pain and then a young man staggered into the clinic. “Ah well. Looks like break-time is over.” Anders gave me one final squeeze and then stood. “Jen, I would like to stop by and see you this evening.”

I blinked and gaped up at Anders, “Er...ok. We might be going to the Hanged Man...”

Fenris perked up at that, “I shall accompany you and Hawke.”

“I'll join you three,” Anders added, giving Fenris a wide smile.

I looked between the two of them and shrugged, “Alright,” I said finally. “The more the merrier.”


	5. Chapter 5

“This is the Hanged Man?” I knew the tone of my voice was a cross between disbelief and amusement but seriously, this place looked like a dive two blocks down from some popular frat house – it SMELLED like a dive located two blocks down from a popular frat house. And the denizens looked like they all were going to shank me. I really didn't want to walk in there.

Unfortunately, the guys were all looking at me like I had sprouted a second head. “Isn't it great?” Garrett enthused. “Best tavern in Kirkwall. Not only can we get copious amounts of ale here but they don't care if we come in a little bloody and beat up. Nope, they just bring us more booze!”

I bit my lip and rolled my eyes up to the ceiling – bad move there as the ceiling looked like it had blood stains – and sighed. One of the blood stains looked a bit like a dragon's head and I twisted my neck as I tried to make sense of it, finally glancing back down and over to Anders, who was laughing at me. “What?”

“Come on, let's get you to Varric's rooms. You'll feel more comfortable there.” His hand pressed warmly into my spine and I blinked up into his face, “I promise, you'll be more comfortable there.”

“Alright,” I flushed a bit when he tugged me a hair closer, watching with great interest as he smiled a rather wide, toothy smile at Fenris. Fenris scowled at Anders. “Can we get there before you and Fenris start bickering?”

“We do not bicker,” Fenris muttered before glancing at me, “We just disagree. On...almost everything.”

“Right,” I squeaked as Garrett grabbed my hand and tugged me after him, his face open and excited.

“Come on, Jen! I'm so excited! I've been telling everybody that you'd be here tonight and they all can't wait to see you.” His smile was boyishly happy and I couldn't help but give in and relax a bit. “It'll be fun. I know you've been bored and this should help.”

“Alright, alright. But unless you're going to carry me you need to slow down. I've got short, stubby legs here.” I said on a laugh, tripping up a flight of stairs behind him. “I was joking!” My laugh turning into feverish giggles as he swung me up, his fingers brushing my tickle spots “What am I going to do with you?”

“I don't know? Have a few ales and go home with me?” He waggled his eyebrows at me and I poked him. “What? You have to. You live with me!” My groan met his chuckle as he kicked open a door at the top of the stairs and strode into a well-appointed room. “We're here!”

For a brief heartbeat the world spun and was full of sound and lights and then settled as Garrett put me on a chair. I brushed back my hair and blinked at the group – the lot of them doing a great job of welcoming me. I turned my head and saw Garrett first slap Sebastian on his back and then Aveline on hers before he nabbed Isabela and pulled her close to kiss. Then my view was blocked as Anders sat down. “You ok?”

“Disoriented and slightly perturbed. Why?” I blinked up into hazel eyes.

“You looked a little discombobulated.” He smiled, his eyes warming and alarm flared slightly in my chest at the look of adoration slowly creeping over his face. “It's rather...charming.”

I opened my mouth and closed it when Fenris sat down on the other side of me, leaned forward, and shot Anders a glare before turning to me and offering me a slight smile. I could feel myself smiling back at Fenris and then at Anders...at a loss as to what to do now. Luckily, we weren't alone and Varric threw himself into the awkward silence.

“So, Hawke finally got you decent clothing. Gotta say, Sweets, you clean up well.” He stood and moved around the table to slap my shoulder and motion for me to stand up. I rolled my eyes and did. “Yep. Your dress is the right length and everything. Not surprised you have these two eying you, though I am surprised they haven't killed each other yet.”

“I'm sorry, what?” I was trying to follow Varric's rapid-fire delivery while ignoring the fact that I was only a couple inches taller than the dwarf. Maybe people were taller here. Or shorter on Earth. Or something.

Varric grinned and took my hand, pulling me away from Anders and Fenris and down to the foot of the table, where his chair was. He pulled out a seat just to the left of him and tucked me in before returning to his chair. “There, they can admire you from afar and I can monopolize your time.”

I glanced down the table and met two sets of disgruntled eyes. I waved at them and they both glared at Varric. “What's their deal?”

“Come on, Sweets. You're telling me you can't recognize two men vying for your affection?” Varric pushed a cup at me and I eyed it warily. “Just ale.”

“Jesus.” I muttered as the smell hit my nose, “It's like somebody found the worst pilsner ever brewed and had a donkey piss in it. I can't drink that. It's rotten hops mixed with vomit. I'd rather have tequila forced down my throat – at least after the second sip all the taste buds have died.”

“You wound me; that's the best drink on tap,” Varric laughed at me. My flat look of disbelief had him chortling harder, “You're right, it's donkey piss. Let me get you some wine.”

“No, it's ok. I don't need anything yet. Let me just...get used to the noise first. I've been pretty isolated for the past week. Now I'm in a crowd and it's...overwhelming.” I glanced back at Anders and Fenris, noting that they were both still sitting next to each other, both watching me. “They're just staring at me.”

“It's amusing, really. They've never gotten along. Anders likes to go on about mage rights, and Fenris hates mages on principle. They're so alike they butt-heads. Then you fall out of the sky and they're sitting together and mooning. I need to write this down. Put it in a book.” Varric leaned back in his chair and then slowly slid a hand over to cover mine. I watched Anders and Fenris eye Varric's hand with a level of seething violence that had me blanching. “Very interesting.”

“I haven't done anything. Other than be nice.” I was amused to see Varric's hand still managed to be a bit larger than mine, though more square. I shot him a grin and really looked at him. “Hey, you're a pretty handsome guy yourself. I guess I was too busy trying to accept that dwarves and elves exist to notice.”

“I know. Sadly, I'm already taken. Bianca doesn't share.” He patted his crossbow and then winked at me.

“Can't argue with that crossbow, Varric. I can't argue with any of this....craziness. Did you know that Garrett's dog led me to Fenris' house? And that his house has corpses in it? And Anders...I don't even know where to start. And Garrett. I do know where to start, but once I do...I won't stop.” I found myself taking a sip of the ale and gagging. “Sweet Mary, it's trying to murder me.”

Varric smacked my back, making my the ale finally go down my throat. My stomach instantly sent up notice that one more sip would result in a whole-sale removal of the liquor. I shoved the cup away and swallowed valiantly, arguing with my stomach that now was not the time to forcefully spew. I got it under control, wiping tears from my eyes, and sputtered slightly. “Well, let's not have you drink any more of that.” Varric said, his hand patting me gently. He reached to his right and grabbed a tall bottle, pouring me a glass of what appeared to be red wine. “Here, try this.”

Red wine and I don't necessarily like each other, but at this juncture I was ready to try anything that wasn't that ale. I took a sip, glanced into the glass, and swallowed. “Better. Tastes like...really dry grapes. Which is loads better than donkey piss.”

“Stick with that stuff. It's Antivan.” He leaned back in his chair and sipped at his own glass. “So...what are your plans?”

“No idea, Varric. Other than cleaning Fenris' house. You wouldn't be able to help me with any of that, right?” I took another sip, settling down in my chair and relaxing. The alcohol seeped through me, warming my insides and making me flush. I smiled down the table at Anders and Fenris and blinked to see them both talking. “They're talking.”

“Definitely going into a book. I'm not surprised they are so interested. You've done nothing but be nice to all of us. Garrett must be having a field day with you in the house mothering him. And if you're talking about cleaning Broody's mansion, well. Neither of those two are used to people just doing stuff for them.” Varric nodded, “This is amazing. If you can get those two to talk, maybe we should sit you down with the Viscount and Arishok.”

“I'm just being me. And I still don't even know what an Arishok is, Varric,” My tone dry, “And you write? Books?”

“I do! I've published several novels. My latest serial is Hard in Hightown. Garrett has it in his library. I should know, I personally put the copy there.” Varric took another sip of his wine and tapped his chin. “I can help you with Broody's house, you know. Might be best to casually mention to Hawke that he should do a run up to Sundermount with the boys or something, get them all out of town. We could have the place fixed up in a few days.”

“Will it cause problems?” I eyed the guys and took another sip of my wine, watching with mild concern as they both turned to look back at me. They both looked surprisingly focused. On me. I took another quick sip of my wine. “Varric...”

“Mm? Might make the tax collector come by, but we'll get that handled. Oh. I see what has you concerned. Don't you worry. Those two are perfect gentlemen. On occasion.” Varric stood and stretched, moving behind me. His hands fell to my shoulders and I blinked, watching as Anders and Fenris proceeded to turn their attention elsewhere. “And if they can't be, I'll have Bianca talk with them both.”

“Right. You do know I'm a grown woman. I can say no and handle myself. Right?” I glanced back at Varric and grumbled.

“No, no. I believe you. I'm just adding a little reinforcement. Now. Tell me what your plans are for Fenris' mansion. And then tell me why you're so worried about Anders. Let's see what we can come up with to fix the entire mess. If anybody deserves a little happiness, well, those two are it.” He sat back down, pulled the bottle of wine closer, and gave me a conspiratorial grin.

“Well...” I said, leaning closer to him, “I was thinking for Fenris...”

***

  
A couple bottles of wine, one failed hand of some card game called Wicked Grace, and a few hours of conspiring first with Varric and then with Merrill , Isabela, and Aveline , and I was headed home. Sort of under my own power, sort of. So I had to lean on Fenris while I walked. It had to be Fenris as Garrett and Anders were too tall and I tripped when I tried leaning on them.

I staggered out of the Hanged Man, the last cup of wine having gone straight to my head, and turned my head to look up at the sky. “Hey...”I slurred, “You have two moons up there! Wow. Lookit the stars swirl.” I let out a giggle, swallowed, tried to straighten up, and giggled again.

“Yes, two moons. Very normal up there.” Garrett said on a chuckle.

“Isnot,” I pointed at the first moon and then the second. “We only has one moon. Where I come from.” I squinted. “Yep. Only one. Moon. Goes around and around us. And we go around and around the sun.” I let go of Fenris to twirl, stumbling slightly and bursting into laughter. “Uh-oh.”

“Uh-oh?” Garrett grabbed for my arm, coming up short when Anders caught me. “What's uh-oh?”

“Thirty minutes and then lights out. Whee!” I clung to Anders' shoulder. “First comes the booze. Second comes the giggles. Then sleepy. So tired.” I giggled into Anders' shoulder. “Feathers are fun.”

“Oh Maker,” Anders said on a sigh. “She's drunk.”

“Am not,” I mumbled. “Yes I am.” I amended on another giggle.

“Can you manage her or shall I take her?” Fenris was looking at me with that single-minded intensity gaze. I waved him closer and took the opportunity to reach out and touch one of his ears. “On second thought, perhaps you should keep her.”

“Pointy ears. You see them?” I reached for Fenris' ear again, pouting when he moved away. “Pretty. Expressive. Like them.”

“Let's get her home. She's getting grabby.” Anders said, squeezing me a hair tighter against his chest.

I pushed at him, “I can walk. Too heavy for you. Put me down.”

“You are not.” Anders started moving, ignoring my flailing.

“Am too! Fat and round and too heavy. Down. Now.” I crossed my arms and pouted.

Garrett was walking behind Anders and snickering, “What were you and Varric going on about tonight? You two were very secretive. I'm a little afraid of how close you two became.”

“None of your beeswax, Garrett Hawke,” I said primly. I wrapped an arm around Anders' neck and sighed. “Maybe won't take thirty minutes.”

“Getting tired?” Anders voice was soft, a gentle rumble.

“Mm,” was the only response I could think of giving. I let myself relax, drifting as Anders carried me through Kirkwall.

I was asleep before we reached the mansion.


	6. Chapter 6

I learned the next morning why knowing a Spirit Healer was a true gift from the heavens. My hangover was a mercifully brief affair. Anders was already at the house when I woke up all groggy and headachy, and he treated me before I even managed to get dressed.

Varric was as good as his word. He managed to get Garrett to take Fenris and Anders out to Sundermount. His reasoning had been pretty good, too. Maybe the leader of the elves – their Keeper – would know why I had ended up here when I died. Garrett had hopped on that idea with full-enthusiasm, planning to make the entire trip last a few days. Something about there being a cave and slavers and they could hit it up at the same time and get some more herbs for Anders.

Varric then told him that he was unavailable to help due to business meetings.

We started down in Anders' clinic: pulling out old cots and broken tables and replacing them with cots and tables that didn't wobble and creak. We replaced his bed – how Varric managed to get a new bed into Darktown was a mystery to me – and put actual sheets and blankets on it. I did his laundry – with Orana's help. I even put a rug down by his bed -so his toes would stay warm.

While we fussed around in the clinic, the contractors fussed over Fenris' mansion. For three days a veritable crowd of hired help cleaned and scrubbed, pulled up rotted rugs and threw out broken furniture, mushrooms, corpses, and the odd dead rat. When asked by one Hightown resident what all the fuss was about, Varric had pointed at me and said “She's buying the place.”

At that particular point in time I had been wearing an actual dress and badgering the carpenter about the roof, so my response had been a gracious smile and wave. I guess I had looked decent enough because the resident had smiled broadly at me. I had pulled Varric aside after that, grumbling, “And now what do I do? They'll expect me to live here.”

“Broody won't know what to do with a clean place and Hawke has help. Move in. Broody's got, what, six bedrooms and two bathing rooms? There's space.” Varric had said, a completely innocent look on his face.

“You're a terrible matchmaker and a horrible busybody,” I had responded. Still, the idea had merit. Garrett didn't need me living there and Fenris...did. But then the carpenter had started moaning about the job again and I had had to go kick his arse into gear.

Contractors. It doesn't matter what world you live in, they are all the same.

***

  
Four days later and the house was clean. It wasn't finished – the garden was still a wreck, the house was only half-furnished, and some of the back windows weren't replaced and were just solid sheets of wood – due to needing to order the glass, but the house was clean.

It turns out there were marble floors under all the dirt, at least on the lower level. Gleaming, pale grey marble shot with white streaks. The walls had been scrubbed till they glowed white, echoing the white streaks on the tiles. I wished we had had time to repaper them but figured the white and grey was a good, austere look that Fenris would appreciate. Upstairs, wood floors had been scrubbed and sanded. We had had enough decent furniture to furnish three bedrooms, one sitting room, the dining room, and the kitchen. The bathing rooms were clean and filled with fresh towels and soaps. The kitchen was stocked.

After some thought, and discussion with Orana, Bodhan, and Sandal; I had moved my stuff over and installed myself in a bedroom. Varric, bless his little thieving heart, had managed to do something to the title so that we wouldn't be harassed by the city. I didn't ask and he didn't explain. This way if Aveline asked me I could tell her, honestly, that I had no idea what Varric had done. She scared me just a tiny bit.

I also didn't ask about the funding. Varric had said something about “Hawke's good for it” and “I still have that stockpile from the expedition, this is nothing.” Again, I wasn't going to look a gift-dwarf in the mouth. Especially when he left me with a small purse of coins, patted my back, and told me to treat myself because “anybody who would go through so much work for Blondie and Broody deserves a gift.” Again – no clue.

I wasn't really sure when the guys would be home, but figured it had to be soon. There was really only so much time Garrett could spend tromping around on some mountainside – right? Or maybe not. Honestly, I never knew with that man. What if he found another cave filled with, I don't know, some sort of rare beastie? He could be up there for weeks killing and then looting.

I worried about him returning home and finding me gone. And I half-figured Fenris was going to throw me out on my ear. Especially since we sort of removed the brooding from his mansion and replaced the broken glass and corpses with clean rugs and actual tables. But still, something told me that this was a good move, that I could offer more help being here than at Garrett's. And if Fenris flirted, well, I'd just...overlook it. Move past it. Pretend to be dense.

It was close to dinner time and I was in the kitchen humming while stirring a giant pot filled with stew when there was a sudden crash and a bellow. Fenris was home...or maybe I was being invaded by goblins or trolls or I don't know, orcs. Did they have goblins, trolls, and orcs here? There was a lot of cursing going on, and I cringed a bit as I wiped my hands on the towel tucked in my apron and slowly made my way to the foyer. Sure enough, Fenris stood in the middle of the room with his sword out, his tattoos lit, and a feral look on his face.

“Oh good. You're home. Welcome home! Surprise!” I tried for cheery. I mean, this was a happy occasion. Clean house, freshly-cooked meal...what wasn't to be happy about? Other than the entire “I took over and cleaned your manly den of mushroom-strewn corpses and wine stains without asking.” We were going to overlook that part.

Fenris' head had turned and he was taking me in with murderous eyes. I swallowed, suddenly realizing that perhaps I should have spoken to the overly-broody elf that can swing very large swords and rip out internal organs before cleaning his crusty old house. He dropped the sword and started towards me with a very determined look on his face.

Right. Now would be a good time to retreat to the kitchen. Which I did. With a slight scream. The retreat turned into straight up fleeing and I gained the kitchen, slammed the kitchen door closed, and then decided to go hide in the pantry because I had shoved a barrel of cabbages in there (they sell them by the barrel-full here – seriously – just barrels of cabbages) and I was reasonably sure I could squeeze behind it.

So there I was...crouched behind the cabbages...when Fenris threw open the pantry door. It wasn't my finest moment, I'll admit. In hindsight, I should have grabbed my spoon – for wacking purposes. But I was empty handed. I could have thrown the cabbages but I had just bought them and I had plans for them. My thoughts were interrupted by Fenris grabbing my arm and pulling me from behind the barrel. I inhaled, pretty sure that my second life was about to end messily – in the pantry – by the cabbages. What a way to go, my brain gibbered. Murdered next to a barrel of cabbages and...a wheel of cheese.

“What. Did. You. Do.” He bit out.

I could hear the periods between each word. Hell, I could tell he was enunciating them all capitalized. “Cleaned?” I squeaked.

“And what are you doing here now?” He leaned down a bit, his face unnervingly close to mine.

“Um...” I swallowed, “Cooking your dinner?”

Fenris closed his eyes, obviously reaching for some inner strength. He opened his eyes and pressed me back until I was shoved against the shelves in the pantry, “Why?”

“Er...sorry? But your house needed cleaning and...I sorta...told Varric. And he...helped. And then this neighbor asked who I was and he said I had bought the place and then I had to move in so I did and really, you need help here and I can help and I have plans for...the garden...so I...um...made some stew and bread and...a cake!” I inhaled, the world wavering from lack of oxygen. “So there...Garrett didn't know and I'm sure he'll be by momentarily to try to talk me in to returning with him so if you don't want me here just let me know now so I can go pack.” I sagged in his hands, gasping for breath.

Fenris stared at me and then sighed, his hands gentling and head falling forward so that he stared at his feet, “You...did this for me?”

“Of course I did it for you.” I reached up and brushed a hand over his hair. “Like I said, the house was a disaster. Look how nice it is. It's not done...we needed more time. But it's so much better. We worked night and day. I wanted it to be...more...home-like for you.”

He muttered something and then let me go. The tips of his ears were reddened and were waffling between drooping and quivering. He finally lifted his head and I was surprised to see his eyes shimmering, “I...am sorry if I scared you.”

“Actually, this went better than I had anticipated. I had originally thought about locking myself in my bedroom till you were done screaming.” I said on a breathy laugh. “Now...are you hungry? Or do you want to go see the house? The stew will keep, you can go explore first.”

“I...do not...” Fenris stuttered a bit, unsure. “You...for me? Why? Nobody has ever...”

“Go look at your house, Fenris. I'll stay here and keep the stew from burning.” I offered him a smile. He swayed for a moment and then turned, slowly moving out of the pantry. I exhaled and went limp. Well then, that went better than anticipated.

***

  
I had just gotten the stew dished out when the pounding started at the front door. Fenris glanced at me, and I gave him a grimace, “I think it's probably Garrett. I sorta...left him this note? About...moving? And um...ok. I'm a coward. Alright? A coward.”

Fenris' inquisitive look smoothed out into a look that had me swallowing slightly. He stood, staring at me pointedly, “You will stay there. You will not hide. And if it is Hawke, you will discuss this like an adult.”

I raised my hands in surrender and slumped at the kitchen table. Fenris walked out of the room and I put my arms on the table and pressed my face to them. I disliked confrontations, yelling matches, arguments, and hurting people's feelings. I was hoping to avoid a scene but Garrett tended to enjoy a good drama. I probably was out of luck with this.

Fenris returned a few minutes later with Garrett and Anders in tow. I looked up, saw both of them, and quickly put my head back down. No way was I dealing with both of them. I had just gotten Fenris to relax and that had included several rounds of apology and a lot of assurances that I had done this willingly because I cared about him.

“Ah,” Was the first thing I heard. “She is here.” I peeked up, saw Garrett's face, and put my head back down. “And apparently she did, indeed, clean up your house.”

“Thoroughly,” was Fenris' dry response. “What did she do to you?”

“Moved out.” Garrett responded. “Without talking to me about it first. Anders?”

“She cleaned my clinic and shoved a new bed in my back room. With a rug. None of my furniture creaks or rocks anymore. I think she organized my poultices and potions. She restocked my herbs.” Anders' voice sounded less upset and more awe-struck. “I have new blankets.”

I felt somebody sit down next to me and a hand touch my hair, sliding back to rest on my shoulders, “Jen. Why did you move out?”

I mumbled against my arms, sighed, and sat up. “I wasn't going to. I swear I wasn't. But then Varric told a neighbor that I had bought the house and the neighbor looked pleased. And I think they told another neighbor who told another neighbor. Anyway, by that point Orana and Bodhan were telling me it would be good for Fenris to have help. And I just...” I sighed and let my head fall back to my arms.

Garrett sighed as well, “I don't want you to leave.”

“I know,” I mumbled.

“And I'll miss you.” He rubbed my shoulder slowly, tugging at me slightly. “You filled the house with laughter. I...had forgotten what it was like.”

“I'm sorry,” I mumbled back at him. “I'm a horrible person.”

“You're a...what?” Hands pulled me back, tilted my head till I was looking at Garrett, “Are you kidding me? Look at what you did for Fenris, for Anders! I've known them for years and I didn't have the balls to do this. You know them for a week and just do it.”

“I didn't ask. I just...took over and...” I didn't get to finish.

“Made it better for them. Maker's balls, Jen. And Varric helped? You got him to finance this...all of this?” Garrett waved his hands around the kitchen.

“He said something like “Hawke is good for it,” and the something about expedition money and he hadn't sold everything? I don't know. I mentioned I wanted to help and he just...jumped in with both feet...” I shrugged at Garrett and then offered Anders and Fenris sheepish smiles.

Anders rocked on his feet for a moment and then glanced over to the stove, “Do you have more stew?”

“It is my stew,” Fenris said mildly. “But I suppose I shall share since you both interrupted my dinner.”

“Generous of you,” Anders quipped as he went to grab a bowl. “I'm not upset. Baffled and overwhelmed. I've never had anybody just...just...” He stopped ladling stew. “Cared enough to go through so much effort.”

“Nobody should have to...to...it's bad enough Darktown is so. So.” I sighed and put my head back down. “I've always been a bit of a softy. Got me in some trouble in the past.”

The room quieted for a moment and then Garrett chuckled, “Well, I'd say this time it turned out fine. Other than the moving out bit. Which I suppose I'll overlook. Though who will keep me occupied and entertained in the evenings...I don't know.”

“Have you talked to Boxer?” I glanced up at him. “That dog is too smart for his own good.”

“Mm...mabari usually are.” He went back to smoothing a hand over my hair, letting out a sudden chuff of laughter, “You remind me of my sister. Bethany would...she would have jumped in with both feet to help you. She would have twisted my ear about not helping Fenris and Anders sooner.”

“Where is she?” I asked, sitting up long enough to scoot my chair closer to Garrett and lean against him.

“The Circle. She's a mage and the templars...well.” He cleared his throat and grimaced. “Best to not talk about it. These two have opposing views and it always ends poorly.”

Anders glanced at Fenris, widened his eyes at me, and went back to eating his stew. Fenris simply stared at Anders pointedly. “Ah,” was the best response I could come up with.

Garrett chuckled and squeezed me. “You're like a sister to me, Jen. If this makes you happy then I'm alright with it.”

And on those words, the three men started talking about the trip. Garrett wove a hilarious tale of getting lost and talking to the Keeper. The Keeper hadn't had any ideas, though she did want to meet me. And the slavers had put up a good fight, much to Fenris' delight. Anders had come back with a pouch full of fresh herbs. So even though sending them out had been a ruse, it looked like the entire trip hadn't been wasted.

And even though I hadn't asked, the entire clean-up and fix-it job had been accepted and appreciated. I hadn't lost a single friend to my spur-of-the-moment decision. And that, more than anything, made me happy.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was hand waving and forehead smacking and pleading and in the end - Fenris said he wanted a kiss.
> 
> So I went with it.
> 
> Anders got jealous.

The main difference between living in Fenris', now clean, mansion and Garrett's mansion was the noticeable lack of a household staff. This did not bother me as I've never known what to do with myself when somebody else waits on me. I am perfectly capable of brewing my own tea and toasting my own bread...or even making my own bread now that Orana has shown me how. So it was no hardship to wake up and drag myself down the stairs and to the kitchen.

Which is where I was when Fenris appeared, hair stuck up in every direction and just wearing leggings. I hadn't had my morning cup of double-strong smoked black tea tea yet and my brain, which was already pretty fuzzy from lack of caffeine, came to a stuttering halt. Fenris just stood in the doorway rubbing at his chest and blearily looking around – probably still coming to terms with the lack of mushrooms and corpses.

I was trying to come to terms with the half-naked man standing in the kitchen.

He had caught me filling up the kettle for tea. I was standing at the broad kitchen sink that had a window overlooking the backyard and was holding the kettle under the spigot when he came in. I had turned at the noise and my mouth had fallen open as I stared at what was, perhaps, the most perfect set of abs I had ever seen – in person or in an advertisement. I slowly turned back around, turned off the water, closed my mouth, and let my eyes take in the muddy weed-filled garden that was visible through the window.

I was wearing this mutant nightgown deal made from thin cotton and with more fabric than a sailboat sail. It was billowy and comfy and covered in small pink flower. I had a secret love for each tiny pin-tuck that decorated the front. There was a little ribbon bow at the neckline and more ribbon under the pin-tucks. The first time I saw it I had thought about Little House on the Prairie or maybe some Victorian novel. It was, in my mind, something a damsel wore. Only, you know, damsels were taller and slender with long flowing locks – not short, round women with slightly manic short hair in a color best described as “sorta reddish if the light hits it just right otherwise brown.”

I was going to have to turn back around to put the water on the stove. I was. I wanted my tea. Coffee was a luxury here – one I had asked about once and then decided not to ask about again. The price had been exorbitant and the entire discussion about hand-ground beans had made me blanch. So I drank tea. There was a wide variety of the stuff – and I like tea – and I had stocked up on this one brand of smoked black tea that made mornings more bearable. The problem was, the tea needed hot water and I needed to get to the stove and oh hell.

“Morning,” I heard the gravely croak behind me. I stiffened a bit, waiting to hear the sound of a chair being pulled out. Instead a lyrium-lined hand moved around me to snag the kettle. “Jen?”

“Ahh...” Why had I thought that moving in with Fenris was a good idea again? I had never had to see nearly-naked Garrett. And if I had, I would have smacked him. Repeatedly. With my hairbrush. Because put on a shirt, you...you...Fenris was causing my brain to seize up in uncomfortable ways. I realized it had been a good decade since being forced to deal with a man not my husband. The prospect of dealing with any new man was enough to make me want to hold my head under the water and drown. Dating had been an...ordeal...when I was younger. Marriage had been a relief. My husband may not have had abs like Fenris but he and I were like two peas in a pod – obvious foils for each other – and had been very much in love. I wasn't sure what do with a half-naked Fenris. It seemed inappropriate to oogle and fainting would net me a headache. So I stood at the kitchen sink and just tried to breathe, hoping that perhaps I was having dream and would wake up.

“Jen. You are worrying me.” The kettle was pulled from my hand and placed someplace else and then hands were turning me to face Fenris.. I glanced up and then closed my eyes. When in doubt, act like an ostrich. Head – meet sand – do not look. “What are you doing?”

“Um...making tea?” I tried sliding to my left and ran into an arm. So I slid to my right and into another arm. I opened my eyes and found myself pinned in by elf. “What are you doing?”

“Wondering why you are three shades of red and trying to hide from me.” His gaze was placid, but his ears were perked up and pinked.

My mouth was rather dry and in my defense, so were my lips – so when I licked them it was not a come-on. It wasn't. My intentions had not been to tease or encourage or anything. I swear. But I did – lick my lips – and his eyes swung down to them and I am not sure what happened but there was a sudden inhale, a groan, and then lips on mine and arms around me and I just...wow.

Who kisses like that? Seriously? Movie kisses and romance-novel kisses and...and...I had read the phrase “pried my mouth open with his and devoured me” but figured that was some fancy talk for “he slobbered on my lips till I opened my mouth in defense then he shoved his tongue down my throat.” No – it meant he licked gently at my lips till I opened my mouth in surprise and then he pulled me even tighter against him and kissed me like he was trying to suck the air from my lungs.

This wasn't making tea or toasting bread! My brain was waving its little neuron-hands trying to get my attention. My body was giving my brain the finger. I shoved the nagging away and clung to Fenris' naked shoulders – his very muscular shoulders...I have a thing for shoulders – and just went with it.

Eventually, He lifted his head. And then I remembered that I was standing barefoot in the kitchen in my nightgown while allowing a half-naked elf to snog me against the sink. I would have melted from embarrassment but he was doing a good enough job for the two of us at looking slightly mortified. Which made me mortified. Maybe I was the only bad kisser in this entire world. Oh...shit...

“I am...” His hands were sort of clenching against my back and I wondered if he was trying to find a polite way of telling me this had been a mistake. “Jen...”

“Um...yes?” I ducked my head.

The silence sort of wrapped around us. I stood there in his arms and found myself slowly relaxing. For all of his broody, angsty, angry ways – Fenris was a surprisingly good hugger. And I was a sucker for a pair of strong arms. I had just settled against his chest, when he chuckled, “I did not mean to kiss you.”

“Yeah...” I wasn't surprised. A little disheartened – not that I had...romance wasn't...I wasn't going to SLEEP with him. But still, a girl likes to know her kissing isn't shoddy.

“Yet.” He added. That made my head come up. “But perhaps I am slightly enamored of seeing you fuss in the kitchen in that nightgown. I shall endeavor to be less tempted in the future. I...wish to...what I mean to say is. You deserve...”

“Are you telling me this giant nightgown covered in tiny flowers and ribbons made you lose your brain?” I couldn't help the sarcasm leaking into my voice.

“Is that so hard to believe?” He met my gaze and offered me a lopsided smile.

My mouth opened and then closed, “Ah...yes?”

Fenris chuckled and stepped back, his hands sliding from behind my back. They trailed over me and I closed my eyes briefly. Oh no, we were not going to think about his hands trailing over other parts of me. Or the fact that he found my nightgown attractive. Or that he had kissed me. Or that he...wait...

“Wait. You didn't mean to kiss me...yet? Yet? As in you have plans?” I slid out from between him and the sink and went to put the kettle on the stove.

“Well yes. I do. To steal you away from Anders.” Fenris finally sat himself down at the table.

I dropped the pan I was holding, watching it fall and land on the stove. I swung around and gawked at him. “Steal me away from Anders?”

“Hello?” Anders' voice rang out from the foyer. “The front door was unlocked. Why was it unlocked? That's unsafe. ”

“You're mistaken he doesn't...I'm not...we aren't...what?” I gibbered slightly.

“Jen! You aren't dressed. I...should...but you look very adorable. And what's wrong?” Anders stopped in the kitchen doorway, his eyes sweeping over me. “I like your nightgown. It's very pretty.”

I glanced down at the nightgown and then back to Anders'. Then over to Fenris. Then back to Anders. “Er...”

Anders shot Fenris a look and then bustled over to me, tugging me into a hug, pressing a kiss to my forehead and squeezing me tightly. “Good morning. Did you sleep ok over here with that broody elf in the house? I actually slept a little. And I can't thank you enough for that bed. I think Garrett's coming over soon. We wanted to take you around Kirkwall today, if you would like.”

I looked up at Anders and blinked. He smiled down at me, his eyes warm and happy, and I swallowed – but did not lick my lips because I didn't want to know what would happen. Ok. A tiny part of me wanted to know. The rest of me was making this pterodactyl-like screeching noise. The noise cleared up a bit and I offered Anders a tentative smile. Anders's arched an eyebrow, “Has Fenris being acting like an ass again?”

“Um. No. No he hasn't there was just...I did not expect...you see, it's been a long time since I...you know...” I fluttered my hands at Anders and then at Fenris and then just at the room in general. “Dating. And...even then. Not two...you know what? I need my tea.”

I bustled into the pantry to get my tea leaves, grabbing a loaf of bread at the same time. When I came out it was to see Anders looking upset and Fenris looking self-satisfied. I opened my mouth, shook my head, closed it, and went to measure out tea leaves and slice bread. Nope, not even touching it with a ten foot pole.

***

  
Garrett arrived in time for french toast and grilled ham. Fenris and Anders were watching me flip slices onto a platter and slide the platter into the oven to keep warm. Neither of them had ever had french toast...which made sense...I guess. I had pulled out the honey jar and a few preserves that I had bought. Sadly, there was no maple syrup. I was really missing maple syrup but was fairly certain I could make a homemade berry syrup as a substitute.

Garrett stepped into the kitchen, took a look at me, and chuckled, “What are you wearing?”

“Hmm?” I glanced at him and shrugged, “ Anders, did you just leave the door unlocked after telling us it was unsafe? And what? My nightgown?”

“That's...quite a...good amount of coverage there,” He chuckled as he sat down. “Oo...are you making breakfast?”

“Did you not eat at home?” Fenris was frowning at Garrett.

“I did, but I could probably eat again. Whatever Jen's making, it smells good.” Garrett leaned back in his chair and looked around the kitchen. “How's the clean house suiting you, Fenris?”

“I will admit that it was pleasant to sleep on clean sheets. And be able to use the bathing chamber.” Fenris sat up straighter as I put a platter of french toast and a platter of ham on the table. “And of course, there is this benefit. A hot breakfast and a beautiful woman in my kitchen.”

I rolled my eyes as I went to get mugs for the tea. “Flattery will not get you more food,” I said with a slight huff.

Anders' coughed a bit and filled his plate, “If I flatter you will you come stay with me instead?”

“Where would she sleep, mage? You live in the sewers. In your clinic.” Fenris' voice held a small sneer.

Anders hummed a bit, “But Varric bought me a new bed. It's, quite frankly, the most amazing bed I've ever had. I'm not sure how he got it into Darktown. I'm not sure how he wedged it into my room. It's large enough. Jen's a cuddly armful. I'm sure we'd manage.”

I slammed the mugs down on the table and then collapsed into my chair, eyes wide on Anders' face. He waggled his eyebrows at me, and I grabbed a mug and took a long drink. Fenris was staring at Anders with an unamused glare. Garrett just grabbed another piece of ham and chuckled. “This is good,” Anders continued as if I wasn't trying to melt into my chair and Fenris wasn't making murder-eyes at him. “What did you say this was called?”

“French toast? It's day-old bread soaked in a mixture of eggs and milk sweetened with a bit of sugar and some cinnamon and then fried in butter.” I spread jam across the top of one slice and bit in, trying to smother my embarrassment with breakfast foods. It wasn't working.

“Sounds like pain perdu. It's Orlesian. Something about wasted bread...I don't know. Mother liked to make it.” Garrett said. “Yours is good. Not as sweet.”

I beamed at Garrett, “So...what's this about going out and showing me Kirkwall?”

“I thought you might like to see more of the city than just Hightown and the Hanged Man. We have several markets, the Chantry, the docks...” Garrett tapped his fingers on the table, “The Gallows.”

“We aren't taking her there, surely?” Anders glanced at Garrett. “What point would there be?”

“Other than the interesting shops, history lesson, and explanation of what a templar is?” Garrett shot back.

“She is no mage, she would be safe.” Fenris added.

“What's the Gallows?” I glanced between the three men. “It doesn't sound like a nice place. Gallows. That's the thing they hang criminals on. I don't really want to see those.”

“It's the Circle, the prison for mages.” Anders bit out. “A blight on the world.”

“A necessary evil,” fired back Fenris.

I glanced between the two of them and they shut up. “Well, if it's part of the city I suppose I should see it. Maybe you can just wave your hand. You know “Here's the church. Here's the shops. That's the place where we torture mages. And if you come over here, another terrible tavern!”” I winked at Anders and took another bite of french toast.

Anders looked at me and burst out laughing, “I do like you, Jen.”

“Mm,” I said with a grin. “Well, I'm going to eat and then bath before we go out. Ok? You guys are on dish duty. Don't screw it up or I won't make dinner.”

“I do not...” Fenris started and I stared at him. “But I suppose it is my kitchen,” he amended hastily. Anders just shrugged and shoved another piece of ham in his mouth.

***

  
I was sitting in the tub, neck deep in bubbles, and deep in thought. Fenris had kissed me. Anders wanted to kiss me. I pondered that. The attractive elf covered in tattoos – kissed me. The tall, blond, sexy healer man wanted to...kiss me. My brain added two and four and came up with “this isn't real.”

Like a world with two moons, dwarves, elves, magic...and God only knows what else?

I sighed and finished scrubbing, grabbing the bucket next to the tub. I rolled my eyes up to the ceiling before closing them and dumping the clean water on my head. I missed showers and proper plumbing. But I did like the extra large tub.

Pulling myself out of the tub, I grabbed the giant sheet-like towel and wrapped it around me. A little bit of rubbing and patting and my hair was good, my feet were dry, and I was ready to do the quick dart to my bedroom. I pulled open the door and stopped.

“Oh...” Anders flushed.

“Ah...” was my witty response.

“Look. I thought you'd have a robe...or something...other than just a towel...” Anders covered his eyes. “I am so sorry.”

“It's...it's ok. What did you need?” I waved at him to follow me. I went into my room and pulled out the changing screen. I hadn't had to use it yet but hey – I had one.

“I...ok. I'm just going to ask. Justice thinks I should just drop it and go back down to the clinic to work...and he may have a point. After all, I am a possessed mage and...I don't have a mansion...and...” He sighed. “I'm not exactly safe.”

I peeked my head around the screen and just looked at Anders, “What is it?”

Anders sighedn again, “I know Fenris kissed you. And I need to know now if you would prefer him to...me.”

I blinked and pulled my head back around the screen. I stared down at my tunic, sighed, and tugged it over my head. I added some trousers before coming around the screen and moving to stand next to Anders. “Anders. First of all, the kiss was a little...not...it was very...” I scrunched up my nose and thought. “I like you both. You're both friends and...I don't know...if more...I don't know. I haven't been here but about two weeks. You barely know me. I was...I was alive and married two weeks ago. Now I'm dead and here and...you can see my problem, right?”

Anders looked at me and I looked at him and then he smiled. “Well then.” He chuckled and tugged at his hair briefly. “That isn't a no.”

“No.” I went to get socks and boots.

“It's a maybe?” Anders slid off the bed and knelt down to help me pull on socks and tie my boots.

I watched him check to make sure the laces weren't too tight and then smooth my pants legs down. “I do think there's merit in getting to know a person, becoming friends, before...delving deeper.” He sat back on his heels and looked at me, his head tilting to take me in as I talked. “I know you both haven't had it easy. It would be too...you shouldn't let your gratitude make you feel obligated to want to pursue me. If I was open for pursuit. Which I don't know if I am or not...yet...”

“You think this is because of gratitude?” Anders leaned forward and placed his hands on the bed on either side of me. “That I wouldn't look at you, talk to you, and want more because of who you are?”

“Er...” This was getting away from me. I had inadvertently challenged him with the whole gratitude talk. A light filled Anders' eyes: challenge and want and something else. We sat there and stared at each other for a few breaths, mine starting to back up in my throat, and then he carefully tipped me forward and brushed his lips over mine. Gentle. Tentative. Soft. A nibble on my lower lip. A touch of his hand to my cheek. And then he pulled back and smiled.

“I'm attracted. But I understand. And it's not gratitude.” He sobered a bit, his fingertips trailing over my chin. “I am serious. I'm possessed and an apostate. I'm not a safe or sane man. I did voluntarily bind myself to a Justice Spirit. And he doesn’t understand romance or love or even sleep and meal times. I should just let Fenris woo you. It would be...well...anyway. I should. But I can't seem to. However, you're right. You've just lost everything. And Justice is calling me names for even touching you so soon.” He smiled, his eyes twinkling a bit, a bit of a blush forming on his cheeks. “Are you mad at me?”

“No...no. No.” I shook my head and fought the urge to cover my face and hide. “Never had two men actively try to date...woo...whatever. I wasn't exactly a catch back home.”

“Heathens.” Anders said on a chuckle. He stood and smiled, offering me his hand. “At least your husband knew your worth. Correct?”

“Hmm? Jay? Oh yeah. We were best friends. We were friends before we got married and marriage just made the friendship better. He was a good man. The best. I miss him, you know. He'd have liked you guys. He would have had a field day with this entire...place.” I smiled, my heart twisting a bit. “Would have...he...” I exhaled. “Miss him.”

“I'm sorry. For...” Anders hesitated before touching my shoulder. “You're right. Neither of us should push you.”

“I'm alright.” I said on a slightly damp laugh. “God. Alright. Let's...let's go see this city. It can't all be bad, right?”

“You'd be surprised,” Anders responded dryly. He squeezed my shoulder and led me from the room. Maybe we could make the entire day without any more drama.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Chantry and the Viscount's Keep and the Alienage...
> 
> Jen is pretty sure Kirkwall is filled with a bunch of religious nut-jobs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A HUGE Thank you to tatteredspider for noting Hawke's unusual usage of the phrase "and all that jazz."
> 
> Changed and fixed - Thedas has not had a small yet vibrant Jazz period. Haha. ::head desk::

Varric was sitting on one of the settees in the sitting room with Garrett and Fenris,. Perched next to him was a young-ish elven woman with tidily braided blond hair and large kelp-green eyes. She looked nervous, her eyes bouncing around the sitting room before turning to stair down at her folded hands. He hadn’t told me he was bringing anybody by.

“Varric, fancy seeing you here this morning. Have you eaten?” I breezed into the sitting room and over to the dwarf, bending a bit to wrap my arms around his neck. Anders followed me, offering the elven woman a smile before taking a seat. I glanced at her with a smile of my own before turning back to Varric. “They didn't murder me, you were right. I owe you an afternoon of paperwork help.”

“Never bet against a dwarf, Sweets. You'll learn.” He chuckled, “Hawke says you all are going sightseeing. I think I'll join you. At the very least, it'll be more exciting than paperwork. Which you can help me with tomorrow.” He winked at me.

“Right. Bring it here so I don't have to go to the Hanged Man, ok? And who's this?” I tilted my head in curiosity.

“This is Rhian. I thought you could use some help keeping up with the mansion. You did want to help Blondie in his clinic and maybe find some work for yourself. Well, you can't do that and clean this place.” Rhian stood and offered a slight curtsy.

“Ah...” I looked at her a little more closely, noting the carefully patched clothing made from worn cloth. Right. “Well, I’m not used to having help, not that I’d turn it away. I’m a little in over my head, especially with the garden. Do you know anything about gardening?”

“My husband, Tam, does. He used to work for one of the nobles but...” her hands twisted a bit.

“But?” I tried for a reassuring smile, “It's alright. You can tell me.”

“There was an accident. He lost a hand.” Her eyes darted through the room.

“He got mugged.” Varric said shortly. “I happened to be in the area. He was lucky. The nobleman fired him after. I gather he was put-off by a one-handed elf. Tam’s been doing odd work for me when I need it. Always need informants in Darktown or the Alienage.”

I winced, “I just need somebody who can help tell me what's what and maybe reach the higher vines. I think...” I glanced at Varric and he nodded, “That there's a room off the kitchen that's supposed to be for the cook. We haven't furnished it yet but...”

“Already on it, Sweets.” Varric butt in. He gave me a wink.

“You always are. Right. So, this is actually Fenris' house? And why am I making this decision and not Fenris?” I looked around, spotting him. “Thoughts? Your house?”

“That did not seem to bother you when you barged in and cleaned it.” He responded wryly. He held up a hand when I sputtered. “I did not mean anything by that. I appreciate, greatly, your help.”

I frowned at him slightly and then shrugged, “You're hired. I'm guessing Varric will have people by today with furniture so if you can start immediately, that would be amazing. I'm being dragged out by these guys. There's food in the pantry. I'll cook dinner when I'm home. Don't call me Messere or Madam or Mistress or anything. I'm just Jen. And that's Fenris. Right? Right.”

I grabbed the young woman's hand, shook it, offered her a smile, and then bustled out of the sitting room. I needed a moment.

***

The kitchen was only mostly clean so I set to work tidying it back up. Nothing settles nerves faster than a good scrubbing or straightening. I was standing on a step stool putting plates away when the door opened and Fenris walked in. I got the last plate stacked and started back down the step stool, reaching the ground and finding myself right next to him. “Hi?” I fidgeted as his eyes traveled over my face.

“You are upset,” He hadn't asked a question. I played with the hem of my tunic and then nodded. “About her story?”

“About making another decision for you. Again. And her story.” I admitted.

“Soft hearted,” was his reply.

“Yeah,” I exhaled. “I am.” He rocked for a moment and I looked at him. His eyes were down, his hair hanging over his face, and his ears were pink-tipped.

“I have no skill in comforting.” He shifted again before lifting his head. “Nor do I understand how to handle a house. Or staff. Or any of this. But you do and I am...grateful...that you would help me. Again.”

That made me smile, “Oh. Well, can't spend all day scrubbing floors. And I hate cleaning windows. A lot. I'm pretty sure this is how Garrett keeps his ceilings so clean. Bodahn. I'm still unsure how Bodahn does it though. A great mystery of life.”

I watched his lips twitch and then curl up, a dimple appearing at the corner of one side. He chuffed a laugh, his hand reaching forward so he could brush his fingertips over my cheek. Now it was my turn to blush and stammer, which made his smile a little wider. “We were discussing where to go first. I believe we had settled on the Chantry first and then the Viscount's Keep.”

“Well,” I bit my lip and shuffled a bit, “That sounds like a plan.”

“Jen,” the sound of my name made me meet his eyes, “I apologize for earlier...I should not have...”

“Nothing to apologize for.” I settled on a hand on his chest, where it wouldn't touch skin. “Give me time. Like I told Anders, I am still coming to terms with losing my family and being here. But don't apologize for the kiss. It was...quite the kiss.”

He swayed forward a bit and then backed away, “I think I will enjoy having you here. I am unused to company and yours is...pleasant. Now, are you ready to leave?”

“Yeah,” I checked the kitchen for any other messes, “Yeah, I'm ready to see the city. Let's go see if we can manage to not get lost.”

***

  
The Chantry was large and…large. Like one of the mega-churches back home – the ones that took up an entire city block, had signs to direct you to parking and whatnot, and offered everything from day care to counseling services all wrapped up in guilt and nagging. Or maybe more like a Vatican building – all old stone and old statues and wimples and robes and incense. I sneezed. So much incense.

I hadn’t seen a single wimple, though I had seen a few women in very official robes. I had also seen a lot of gold statues – very large, very looming gold statues. And more candles than you could shake a lighter at. There was the obligatory “poor box” for donations (it looked dusty) and another one for church donations (it looked polished) and the entire building had an air of “do not talk, you heathen.”

“The Chantry,” Garret said, waving his hands. I snickered a bit. “The place of the Maker. Andraste. Blah blah blah. The Chantry.” I looked around and then shrugged. “Ta-da?”

“Not a fan?” I asked, watching Anders shy away from the ladies in cloth and sorta cower closer to the group. “This place is something.” I wasn’t sure if I meant that in a good way or a bad way…yet.

“It’s a good story. I mean, Andraste, Bride of the Maker. Burned alive. Singing. Goes up to live with the Maker. Sing another song and light a candle. I just don’t much care of the actual Chantry. Filled with busybodies.” Garrett said on a shrug.

“Blighted self-important hypocrites,” muttered Anders. “They are an Injustice.”

“Heavens,” was my reply. “Looks so official. All…polished. Do they do a lot of ministry in Darktown?” Anders snorted and Garrett shuffled a bit. “Ah.” Was my response. Why would I assume this fancy-schmancy place would have anything to do with the poor? Oh – right – it’s a fricken CHURCH. I sighed out my disappointment.

One of the women in robes moved to us, “Can I help you?”

“I’m just visiting. New to the city.” I said on a smile. “You have an impressive…um…building.”

The woman offered a brief smile, “Chant will start in two hours. You should return. We are always open to those looking for a place to rest.”

I could feel my face falling into the familiar “pleasant social smile” face as I nodded and thanked her. Ew. Church services. The woman moved back over to the big gold statue she was polishing and I turned back to the guys, “So, ah, where should we go next?”

Varric chuckled, “The Viscount Keep, Sweets. It’s just as swanky. Though less incense filled.”

“Delightful. Instead of guilt and piety it probably has a patina of corruption and oozes desperation.” I grinned at Varric’s laugh.

We moved through the front doors and I exhaled, turning my face up to the sun and inhaling deeply. The air was stifling and moist and smelled a little bit like hot stone and foundry, but it was better than the cloying incense. “Not a fan?” Garrett asked.

“I don’t do organized religion. My Dad is a retired minister – erm...the guy who does the sermons and runs the church? Anyway, I was at church for every event from the moment I was born till I managed to move out. They’re all the same – doesn’t matter who is running the show. At least in the Christian churches.” I shrugged.

“Christian? So you all have more than one religion?” Anders asked as we started down the stairs to the street.

“Oh heavens. We have a plethora of organized religions. A bunch of older faiths that groups still clings to but aren’t really organized. And then we have an entire movement pushing for no gods. Just…pick a way to think and there’s a group out there for it.” I offered Anders a wry smile. “Talk’s cheap. So’s getting a group together to sing hymns and preach about who they don’t like that week. Oo…this month we’re against gays. Next month it’ll be video games. The month after that – music. Pft – hypocrites. Personal faith is all that matters, but since personal faith doesn’t bring in money, you gotta have the whole shebang. God, if you believe they exist, probably gets super pissy when we use them as an excuse for war or hatred or whatnot. As if some great cosmic being cares if you have a sudden disgust of people who worship differently than you. Don’t blame your anger issues and prejudice on the great cosmic being. Just admit it, “I’m a horrible racist prig who got his panties twisted” and go hold your war.” I stopped, realizing I was ranting. “Er…sorry…”

“You do know that the Chantry pretty much runs the city, right? They pretty much run everything. The Circle, the Templars…they almost wiped out the elves. They hate the Qunari. I’m pretty sure they hate dwarves…I know they hate mages.” Anders said, his eyes wide.

“Hmph. They sound Catholic.” was my response. “So, let’s go see the seat of your government. Or did I just see that and talk shit all over it? Oops. So sorry.” I offered them a wide, toothy grin. The four men shared a look and then Garrett started snickering. Fenris sighed. Anders chortled.

“Sweets, I think I love you,” was what Varric said as he entwined his fingers with mine. “Let’s not tell Bianca.”

***

  
The Viscount's Keep did ooze corruption. And snotty nobles. And guardsmen – who didn't ooze so much as tromp about. The nobles were all knotted up in little groups, bickering and gossiping and whispering. We stepped in and the group closest to the door sorta sniffed in disapproval of Garrett and turned their backs.

Well then. That was rude.

We didn't linger – at least in the main part of the Keep. Garrett was concerned that the Seneschal would see him and drag him into yet another meeting with the Viscount. According to Garrett, there just wasn't anything more he could do with the Qunari and the Viscount was a simpering idiot. So we moved as quickly as possible to the Office of the Guard. Aveline held sway there and I wanted to see her.

The Office of the Guard reminded me of a military barracks – minus the smelly military vehicles but with twice as much chaos. Guards were reviewing the duty roster, frowning over reports, standing guard, polishing weapons and, of course, gossiping. I wondered if they ate donuts. I was fairly certain I could replicate the donut here and the guard did constitute as the city police...

My mind picked at the question, figuring long johns and cinnamon cake donuts could be made easily. And a glaze of honey could be concocted...if I could find sugar ground fine enough...and then there were apple fritters. They had apples. I could do probably do some of them…

I was interrupted by Anders' hand pressing to my back. I looked up and he grinned, tilting his head. “You're deep in thought.”

“Contemplating the problem of donuts and can I make them here.” I kept my voice low, just in case they already had donuts and saying the word would create a stampede of hungry guards.

“What's a donut?” Anders pulled me out of the way of a rushing guard, finding a wall to stand near. Fenris moved over to join us and raised an eyebrow. Anders glanced at him, “she's talking about something called a donut.”

“It's sweetened fried dough.” I mean, it was. In its simplest form. “Sometimes filled with jam. Sometimes covered in chocolate. Sometimes glazed...”

Fenris' gaze was growing sharper, “And you can make these fried dough things?”

“Ah...perhaps? I would have to visit the market...” I trailed off as Garrett joined us. “Ah. Hi.” Sweet Mary, these guys were sugar fiends. I should have kept my mouth shut.

“Aveline has a little bit. Want to see her? And what are you all talking about?” Garrett arched an eyebrow and looked down at me. “You look flustered and they look hungry...which could mean so many things. But not things you should do in the Guard's offices. Varric's in Aveline's office waiting on us.”

Fenris glared at Garrett. Anders winked at me. I blushed harder and pushed away from the wall, giving Garrett a slightly pleading look. “It's this way.” He said on a laugh.

Aveline's office was filled with official paperwork, a suit of fancy armor, several shields in various stages of repair, a giant pot of tea...and Aveline. She was bent over her desk, her hand moving rapidly as she scribbled something down. Varric had a hip resting against her desk, a broad smile on his lips. He straightened as I entered the room, “There she is. Still in one piece.”

“Aveline,” I hurried over to the harried looking woman. “How are you? Are we bothering you?”

“What? I'm...I'm swamped. I'm always swamped. I have guard rotations to post, reports to review, the Viscount needs a report on crime in the dock area, and the Qunari are riling citizens. But I can take a moment to see you, Jen.” She stood, stretched slightly, and intercepted me.

Aveline is a tall woman, broad in the shoulder, with big, capable hands. Being intercepted by Aveline was a little like being intercepted by a linebacker. She gave me a gruff, quick hug and patted my back with a slightly awkward look on her face. I beamed up at her. What can I say? I was super in awe of Aveline. The woman was everything I wished I was. Tall, capable, competent…able to wield a sword…

“How do you like our city?” She asked as she waved me to a chair near her desk. She returned to her chair, prodding a report with a slightly cranky look. “It's been safe for you, yes?”

“It's...got a lot of stairs. And so far it's been alright. I mean, we saw the Chantry first and it was...large and...impressive.” I tried to think of positive adjectives. “Fancy.”

Aveline glanced at me and grinned, “Stuffy.”

“Horribly,” I agreed. “And it stunk of incense. I can still smell it.”

Aveline let out a brief laugh. “Well, I'm glad it's been ok so far. If you run into trouble in Lowtown, send a runner and I'll go beat some heads together. And now, I need to finish my report. Sadly, I am in charge of getting them done.”

I stood, glancing at the guys before moving closer to Aveline, “Would your guards like...ah...treats? You know, to...um...improve moral?”

Aveline shot me a quick glance, “Perhaps. I try not to spoil them but with the Qunari causing issues, moral is pretty low. You think of something, bring it by. I can't promise you anything but...it would be appreciated.”

I beamed at her. “Perfect. I have a quest, then. I could use something to keep me occupied. Other than gardening. Maybe I'll have everybody over for dinner.”

“At Fenris'? Does he know?” We both glanced over at Fenris who was frowning up at Anders. What were those two arguing about now?

I looked up at Aveline and shook my head. “No.”

“You want my advice? Don't tell him. Just invite us all over.” She grinned. “And now, back to work for me. Be safe. And guys, watch her. I'll be quite put out if Jen is injured on my watch.” All four men came to attention, varying degrees of respect and fear radiating from them. I just giggled a bit at their antics and followed them from the room.

***

  
We made to the Alienage before my internal tank of energy decided it needed refilling. Which was good as I had questions about the entire idea of an Alienage. That particular part of the city was reserved just for the elves. In my mind, this equated to flowers and gardens and frolicking. Reality was…a shock.

The Alienage was, for lack of a better term, a slum. Tenements were arranged around a large, broad courtyard sporting broken stone tiles and a humongous tree. The tree seemed to be the only bright spot in the entire area. The buildings were all built of grey stone tinged with soot and dirt. There was no glass in the windows, just some sort of waxed paper that fluttered when the hot wind hit it. There were bars on the lower windows and spikes on the higher ones. Weeds poked up between the uneven stone peppering the street. Vendors were arrayed around the tree – their goods shown on rickety tables under frayed awnings.

The entire area smelled of fish, unwashed bodies, and soot.

“So…”I I glanced around, watching as elves moved around the area with purpose. “This is…what?”

“The Alienage. Where the elves live.” Garrett said, his eyes peering into corners. “I’m glad it looks busy today. I cleaned out a hive of bandits last week that were bullying the residents.”

“Why do the elves all live here?” I watched a little girl go up and pat the giant tree before running after her mother. “It’s surely not because they want to.”

“It is where they live because the Chantry has made them less than citizens,” Fenris said without inflection. “Their options are to live here or risk being killed or made a slave.”

I opened my mouth and closed it, looking around with wide eyes. “I have no words for this…injustice.”

Anders stirred at my words, his eyes glazing and sparking slightly with blue. He shook his head and sighed, rubbing at his forehead. “Justice agrees with you, Jen. It is an injustice. Just yet another thing to lay at the feet of the Chantry.”

“Bah, as if your Demon cares about what happens to a few elves,” growled Fenris.

“He’s NOT a demon,” bit out Anders.

“Doesn’t Merrill live around here?” I interjected hurriedly. “I could use a cup of water.”

“She does, right over there, Sweets. Good timing.” Varric took my hand and led me across the open area. “Those two will be the death of us.”

“Seems like they’re fighting for the same thing, just coming at it from opposite sides of the argument.” I murmured down at the dwarf. “I’m half-tempted to smack the back of their heads. If I wait till they’re seated, I can reach Anders.”

Varric chuckled and banged on a door, “Daisy! It’s Varric and company. You home?” The door was made from ramshackled wood and covered in peeling violet paint. Varric banged again, rolling his eyes when he heard a slight crash from inside. “Maker, she’ll be the death of me,” he muttered.

“Oh! Varric! Jen!” The door was pulled open and Merrill blinked owlishly at us. “I was just working on the mirror. It’s driving me batty…sometimes I see things flickering and then they just disappear. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. But you don’t want to stand on my doorstep while I babble on about that thing. Come in! Oh…you brought Hawke and Anders and Fenris. Will they want to come in? They can. Please excuse the mess…it’s always a mess…Creators. I can’t seem to stop talking.”

Merrill’s voice washed over me in a musical wave of nervous chatter. I followed her in, letting her babble on about some mirror and only having water to drink and perhaps her glasses were even washed today. It didn’t faze me, the babbling was kinda cute. Merrill was very cute. Her home was a charmingly disorganized hodgepodge of bright colors and old furniture. I was pushed into a chair holding a brightly colored pillow, a mostly clean glass of water shoved in my hand. Merrill plopped down across from me and beamed…just beamed.

“I never have guests. Oh! This is so exciting! How do you like Kirkwall? I’ve been here a few years and I still get lost. It’s so confusing, all the streets that twist and turn without any reason. Varric gave me a ball of string to keep me from wandering off. I’ve ended up in the Viscount’s garden four times now, and I swear the guards there are the sweetest people.” Merrill offered me another smile.

I heard Fenris mutter something but addle-minded blood mages and Anders huff, but ignored them. “It’s a pretty confusing city, I’ll agree. And so many stairs. No need to worry about getting exercise, right?” I took a sip of the water. It was warm and a little gritty, but tasted clean. I hoped it was clean. I hoped I wasn’t about experience some digestion issues due to the water. “What’s this mirror thing you keep talking about?”

“Oh…an elven artifact. And Eluvian. A magic mirror. I can’t get it to work…yet. But I keep hoping.” She hopped up and waved at me to follow her.

“I don’t really want you near that thing,” Garrett said. “I’m not sure it’s safe.”

“Oh pish, it’ll be fine,” Merrill said. “I’ll be with her.”

“She’ll be with me,” I said on a grin, following her down a dim hallway and into a back room. The room was empty except for a tall, broken mirror. It was…I had never seen anything like it. The glass waved, a nearly solid sheet of distortion. The frame was intricately carved wood that looked burnished. “Wow,” I inhaled.

“I wish I could figure it out.” Merrill’s voice was sad. “We could learn so much from it.”

I reached out and brushed my fingers over the glass, my breath stuttering as little sparks nipped at my fingers. The glass was dark and didn’t reflect anything – I stood in front of it but didn’t see my face. I tapped the glass and heard an echoing ping, colors shooting from the point of contact and then…nothing. “A few weeks ago I’d laugh at even thinking it, but mirrors can be portals you know. And portals don’t always go to nice places.”

“Portals.” Merrill pondered that. “A doorway? That’s an interesting thought.”

“A silly one, I’m sure. I don’t know anything about anything,” I said on a soft laugh. “Still…if any mirror was going to turn out to be a magical portal…this one would be it.”

“Maybe I should….that gives me some ideas. You are very smart, Jen. You see things so differently…that’s good. Good! Creators, why hadn’t I considered that?” Merrill fairly vibrated. “I have…thank you!”

“I don’t know what I did, but you’re welcome.” I said, watching the elf stare at the mirror with excited eyes. “Just don’t walk into portals. I learned that from D&D. Never a good idea. Always ends up taking you to the worst places.”

Merrill looked at me with wide eyes, “sound advice.”

“Yeah…I kinda figure so,” I said with a nose scrunch. “But trust me, nobody every listens to that advice when a giant portal is there shimmering in front of them. Take it from somebody who ended up here instead of heaven. Traveling through time and space is a little for the birds.” Merrill didn’t have anything to say to that.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jen does not like the Qunari or the Gallows.
> 
> She's pretty sure she's not up for telling the Qunari that. But Cullen? Well - he sorta steps in it inadvertently...

We left Merrill’s house and headed to the Docks. Which turned to be exactly what I had been expecting – a dock area on the water filled with workers and fish smells and boats. Big boats. Big boats with sails and crews that wore striped pants and threw boxes and looked like Pirates. I gazed around and hoped that Jack Sparrow would make an appearance. I mean, why the hell not? We had elves and dwarves and…magical mirrors. Jack Sparrow could very well be here.

I didn’t see Jack Sparrow – and I was really looking. No, no flamboyantly handsome pirate. I did see a very tall, very big, very…horned…man. Who was approaching us. Nobody else seemed to notice or care that a man wearing tight leather pants, no shirt, red paint, and sporting bull-horns and carrying a massive sword was approaching us. I did, however, and fell back on my tried and true method of letting the guys know I had just seen something frightening.

I began to hyperventilate. The docks started sorta fading in and out of my vision as I grabbed at my throat and took a step behind Garrett, clinging to him monkey-fashion lest I fall down into a puddle of ick. My gasping made the guys instantly look around for trouble – and finally notice the large horned man. The large, scowling horned man. Oh Heavens…I was going to die again.

“Shit,” Garrett muttered, carefully pushing me into Anders’ arms. “Hold her for a moment.”

I wanted to babble that I was not some parcel to be passed around but I was too busy whimpering and cowering away from the bull-man. Once the words “bull” and “man” hit my brain, I went straight hysterical and started tittering about Tuarens and World of Warcraft. Anders hoisted me up into his arms and breathed “quiet,” into my ear.

“Hawke. The Arishok requests your presence.” The horned man had a deep voice. A very deep, very aggressive voice. I decided listening to Anders was a good idea.

“How did he even know I was here? What? Does he have little spies roaming the docks?” Garrett was frowning. “I’m busy today.”

“The Arishok demands it,” Was the response. I wanted to tell Garrett to please stop poking at the giant man and just agree to whatever demands he was making. Unless his demands included handing me over – then Garrett was to say no.

“The Arishok always demands. He’s a demanding guy. I am not a Qunari. He can’t bully me into doing what he wants when he wants it,” Garrett’s response had me pressing my face tightly against Anders’ chest. “You are scaring my guest.”

“Hawke. Refusing to see the Arishok will be seen as a direct challenge,” Fenris rumbled. “Best to get the visit over with now than incite his anger.”

“Fine,” Garrett said on a long-suffering sigh. “One day, I just want one day where nobody is killing somebody or blood mages are summoning demons, or the Arishok and Viscount aren’t bickering. Is that too much to ask for? One day?”

Nobody had any response to that. The large man simply shrugged and turned, walking away. I relaxed and gave Garrett a sheepish smile, “Sorry.”

“No, no. It’s ok. I can’t imagine you were expecting the horns.” Garrett said on a sigh.

“No. You didn’t tell me the Qunari guys had large horns. Like a bull. So do you need to go see this Arishok guy now?” I let Anders put me down, wobbling and steadying myself. “I mean, it sounds urgent.”

“It’s always urgent. Everything is urgent. This whole town is nothing but one, giant emergency.” Garrett waved his hands and grumbled. “Sure, why the hell not. Don’t…don’t freak out or anything while we’re there, alright? I’ll make this quick.”

“I can just sit down somewhere and wait for you…” I started, stopping when Garrett rounded on me. “Or I’ll come with you.”

“I always go there with a full group. To remind the Arishok that I am a busy man. And in case he gets violent. Just stay with Varric, alright? It’ll be fine.”

“Right. Fine. The giant angry horned men..not a problem. Nope. No problem.” I babbled slightly, taking Varric’s hand and holding on like it was a lifeline. “Dwarves…elves…magic mirrors…giants with horns. What else will I see today?”

“Maybe a dragon?” Garrett said with a grin.

I blinked at him, “Really?”

“You never know, right?” He said, laughing when I started scanning the sky.

***

  
I am not sure what I was envisioning for the “lair” of the Arishok – and I was putting him firmly in lair territory. No way a man with giant horns has a castle or keep or bastion or anything. No, he has a lair. Anyway, I don’t know what I was expecting but a dirty courtyard in the docks wasn’t it.

It was filled with more large, half-naked horned men covered in red paint and scowls. All of them were armed with swords that looked bigger than me. All of them were watching us. All of them were frowning. I clung to Varric’s hand and distracted myself by reminding my body to breathe and breathe…we didn’t want to pass out in front of the angry men.

We stopped at the base of some steep stairs that lead up to a landing sporting a giant…wooden bench? I squinted at the seat. It looked like half a tree with legs. Splinters in the arse seemed like a good way to increase the scowling but what the hell did I know. I was still squinting at the bench thing, trying to decide if it was just a bench or the throne to some evil forest deity when the King the of Horned Men walked out and sat down. On the wooden bench.

Right. Throne for a tall horned man. Evil alignment unknown. Very scowly. Carries large sword. Is looking at us. Breathe Jen. Breathe.

“Hawke,” His voice boomed. “We are missing a patrol.”

“And?” Garrett’s glib response had me wobbling. Death flashing before my eyes – no, that was lack of oxygen again. I inhaled sharply and tried to remember to exhale. “I didn’t do it.”

The Arishok regarded Hawke with some mix of respect and annoyance. For a few minutes, it was a stare-down between Garrett and the big man. The tension ratcheted up and I forgot to breathe again. My lungs burned as I swayed, fear tightening my muscles. The big man finally sat back and nodded. “I believe you.”

That made my knees buckle. Varric tried to grab me as I went down but didn’t quite catch me. I landed on my butt in the dirt and thought, “Oh good, the ground is still here.” There was sound and motion around me as I tried to kick-start my lungs again. Fear and I were becoming a little too familiar and I really thought perhaps I should just become a home-bound hermit, just stay in the kitchen and bake.

Big green eyes filled my vision and I blinked. “Jen. You must breathe.”

Right. I inhaled and exhaled, watching Fenris nod approvingly. I swallowed a bit, “Are we going to die?” The question seemed pertinent.

Fenris shook his head, “No.”

“Alright,” I reached for him, uncaring that it was a childish move. I was on the dirty ground in a courtyard filled with aggressive, murdering horned men. I wanted to be held and told it was all going to be ok. Fenris, to my relief, obliged me.

“Your woman is well?” There was that voice again. He called me Garrett’s woman? That got my hackles up a bit. I don’t belong to anybody. “She collapsed.”

“He’s rude and loud and scary,” I muttered at Fenris, quieting when Fenris threw me a look.

“She’ll be alright. She’s never seen a Qunari before and I think you gave her a fright.” That was Garrett’s voice. “I think it best to take her someplace not filled with Qunari. I’ll look into your missing patrol.”

Fenris started moving, me clinging to his shoulders like some blasted damsel in distress. Which I wasn’t. A damsel, that is. In distress, most certainly. But not a damsel. I giggled a bit at the thought, quieting again when Fenris squeezed me. For a man who hated touch, he was pretty grabby. Not that I was complaining. I mean, I was being held against his incredibly muscled chest.

That had to be lack of oxygen talking.

We made it back to the docks proper and Fenris came to a stop. “Are you able to stand?”

“Oh…yes…yes I am. I’m sorry. I am. He just…and Garrett. You were so mouthy and I thought we were going to die.” I stood, clinging to Fenris’ arm as I steadied myself.

“I didn’t want you to see them period.” Garrett sighed. “Think you’re up for visiting the Gallows? It’s the last main place to go.”

“Are there giant horned men of doom there?” I asked, brushing dirt off of my pants.

“No. Just templars.” Garrett responded with a slight laugh.

“Well…that…sounds better. I guess.” I watched Anders shake his head. “Or not.”

***

  
So the Gallows is a giant building on an island that, to me at least, resembles Rickers – the prison island in New York. Not really but that was the best I could come up with. It didn't have barbed wire, but it did have armed guards. Big, clanky, sword-wielding guards. The entire complex took the up the entire island and was comprised of several open courtyards sitting at the base of a giant tower. The courtyards were decorated with stone work and statues of cowing slaves and their masters.

Which seemed to reinforce Anders' words that this was, indeed, a prison.

Garrett took me by several stalls – all manned by people who were called Tranquil. Anders refused to discuss them and Fenris, Varric, and Garrett all looked uncomfortable when I asked. I figured this might be one of those discussions best had at home. The stalls sold potions and robes, jewelry and runes, all at exorbitant prices and all to fund the Gallows. Which was run by the Chantry. So the money just went to them.

Patrolling the entire area were...templars. Armored fighters for the Chantry – which made me think Paladins. They looked like what a D&D Paladin would look like. I watched a couple of them march up to one man, salute, talk for a moment, and march away and glanced at Garrett. “So what is their job?”

“They patrol the Gallows and hunt out illegal mages.” Garrett said, glancing at Anders.

“Illegal mages?” I glanced at Anders.

“Mages that aren't in the Circle. All mages are required to be in the Circle.” Garrett explained.

“And once there, we stay there till we die. No families, no marriage, no love...no children...no life. We're just...locked up.” Anders muttered. “Like criminals.”

Fenris opened his mouth and Varric laid a hand on his arm. “I don't think we should get Blondie riled up here, Broody.” Fenris glanced down and nodded, but his face stayed twisted and cranky.

“Seriously?” I glanced around the courtyard again. “This place is a travesty.”

“Serah Hawke,” A voice called across the way. “What brings you to the Gallows?”

“Shit,” muttered Garrett. “Everywhere I go. If he asks me to track down some poor apostate, I’m going to punch him.”

I turned to see the man who the templars saluted heading towards us. He was also a templar – wearing shiny plate. No helmet, though. As he got closer to us I blinked and gave Garrett a look. “What is it with you all and being so attractive? Do you HAVE unattractive people here?”

“Want to meet my Uncle?” Garrett asked, a grin filling his face. “Gamlen’s a real treat.”

“Why do I not believe you?” I poked Garrett’s chest, giggling when he tugged me closer and shook a finger at me. “Who’s this?”

“This is the Knight-Captain of Kirkwall’s Templars.” The man in question came to a stop, his eyebrow creeping up his face as he watched Garrett twirl me around. “Jen, let me introduce you to Knight-Captain Cullen. Cullen, this is Jen.”

“Let me go.” I slapped at Garrett’s hands. “This is horribly reminiscent of how I met Fenris. Me flailing at you. You being an arse.”

“I am not an arse,” Garrett said primly, letting go of me. “I just don’t want you to fall again.”

“Are there any of those horned man with the scary voices around? A dragon?” I peered around the courtyard, my brain trying to come up with something scary, “demons?”

“Maker, I hope not,” The Knight-Captain was watching me with serious eyes. “We take that sort of thing seriously in the Gallows.”

“Do you all have problems with demons?” I scratched at my nose and tilted my head. “Blood rituals and all that?”

The Knight-Captain was growing pale. “Maker no. Blood mages are killed. It’s not something to joke about.”

I opened my mouth and closed it again. Right. Mages. “Is it a common problem, then?”

“Mages are always at risk of becoming possessed. It’s why we keep them in the Circle. They aren’t people like we are. They are always tempted by demons.” The voice of the Knight-Captain was a little too fervent for my taste. The meaning behind his words hit me and I recoiled slightly.

“What?” I glanced back at Anders, taking him in. Anders grimaced. I looked around the courtyard, watching a few robed people – mages I was assuming – walk past. “That’s…rather…preposterous.”

“What?” Now it was the Knight-Captain’s turn to look surprised.

“You’re telling me that all mages are one step away from going to the dark side and burning down the world? Every mage? Every single one of them?” I looked at the statues of slaves. “Or is this your world’s crusade against people you don’t understand? I mean, you work for the Chantry, right? So do you also say that about the elves? Because I just visited the Alienage and I’m telling you, they don’t look all that dangerous.”

The Knight-Captain was doing a great impression of a large-mouthed bass, his mouth sorta hanging open. “Furthermore,” I continued. “It seems to me you should be teaching mages how to say NO to demons. I mean, a demon shows up and you go “No, no corruption today. Thanks.” And move on with your life. Right? Aren’t we all at risk of temptation? Isn’t that what demons do? Tempt? That’s their schtick, right? And we like to blame all sorts of stuff on them. “I said mean things, it was Satan. I hit you, it was Satan. I raped a little girl, it was Satan.” Bull-hokey. It was human nature. Demons like to do stuff like…offer power and wealth…and then pull the rug out from under you and leave you high and dry. Sounds like something you can teach a person to say no to.”

Garrett was staring at me with wide eyes. Varric coughed, cleared his throat, and laid a hand on my arm. Fenris was shaking his head, “But it is not the same thing. A mage is always dangerous.”

“People are dangerous, Fenris.” I said, glancing at him. “Nobody should own slaves. Nobody should be hated because they were born with pointy ears. And nobody should be locked up because they can create magic. That’s just common decency. Judging a person based on how they were born is wrong. End of discussion. And I highly doubt your god up there, what’s his name? Maker? I highly doubt he’s sitting up there in his heaven smiling down at all of you for acting like this. Bunch of…hypocrites.”

The Knight-Captain had moved up closer to me and I stared at him rather crankily. “Why do you keep saying things like “your god” and “your world?”

Garrett was making these little gasping sounds behind me now. Obviously, he was about to experience a fainting episode. I suppose he was concerned about me getting locked up for being a loony but really – I had had enough. Alienages and church-run governments and horned men. “I’m from Oklahoma. I know what happens when you let religion run the government.” I muttered.

“Is she insane?” The Knight-Captain’s voice was hopeful.

‘I’m not nuts!” I was properly indignant at that. “I’m just an anomaly, alright?”

“She…ah…” Garrett fished around for something. “Hit her head on the Wounded Coast. We found her out there alone.”

“Yeah!” I said, prodding the Knight-Captain’s breastplate. “And you’re looming.”

“Sorry?” I watched him move back. “I…am pretty sure I came over here for a reason. But I seem to have forgotten it.” I watched him tug off one of his gloves and rub at the back of his neck. “Maker. I…um…” Shit, I had just met the guy and exposed him too full-on ranting Jen. Not only was that bad manners, but it made me look a little…short a few cogs.

“I’m sorry I went off there.” I looked a little sheepish. “I mean, I did just meet you.”

“It’s alright. I think. You’ve made some valid points. Uneducated but valid.” He squinted up at the sky and sighed. “Ah well. If I remember, I’ll send a message. Serah Jen…”

“Just Jen. Don’t stick titles in front of it.” I tried for a smile, sort of succeeding. “I stuck my foot in my mouth. I apologize.”

“Apology accepted. I’ll…um…” He shook his head and wandered off. I watched him clank back over to his spot by some stairs, his eyes turning to find us periodically.

“Oops.” I said. “Sorry. I think I insulted your friend.” I tried a smile at Garrett who just rubbed at his forehead.

“That was amazing,” breathed Anders. “You just…I can’t believe you would…I love you.”

“No you don’t,” I blinked at him.

“Justice loves you, too.” Anders was goggling at me.

“She is just soft-hearted,” Fenris said shortly, “And your Demon has no concept of love.”

“She is an astute observer. Very intelligent. And Justice understands love…a little bit. His first body had been a married man and Justice experienced the memories…” Anders looked grouchy. “Not that YOU would ever agree with anything she said.”

“I agree that slavery is wrong.” Fenris said, his face grim. “I am uncertain on her views on demons, though.”

“Well, I think she’s brilliant,” Anders said, moving to take my hand. “And if you can’t appreciate her well…”

“Oh my god, you two. Can we go home? My feet hurt. I just told off a man in armor. I nearly fainted in the dirt. I need some tea.” I shook my head at Anders.

“Sweets? You deserve more than a cup of tea. Come on, I’ll treat you back at the Hanged Man. Besides, I think the guys could use a drink.” Varric took my hand, his eyes twinkling. “You’re a whirlwind, that’s for sure. A breath of fresh air.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record - I can be a very bad patient. I must have incentive to rest - which mainly means you have to knock me out. Sadly, this is usually done via medicine and NOT Anders.

The next morning was notable only because I woke up with sore legs and a scratchy throat. The legs were understandable. I had walked most of yesterday and I was feeling it. The scratchy throat was being attributed to breathing in that incense and then all that damp crap in Lowtown – not to mention the dust I sat in while at the Docks. I gargled some salt water, sipped some hot tea, and ignored it.

I was decidedly busy, anyway. Breakfast was a little bit more populated with Rhian and Tam in the house. Tam looked a bit older than me, his brown hair held back in a ponytail and his big golden eyes filled with a mixture of gratitude and wariness. I could understand that. He and Rhian looked like two people who had been beaten down by life. And after yesterday's visit to the Alienage, I had a good idea why they looked like that. I ignored the carefully folded and pinned sleeve, shook his hand, and started asking questions about gardening.

Fenris showed up to breakfast in actual clothing, and I was surprised at the little twinge of disappointment when he walked into the kitchen wearing his usual tunic and leggings. He offered Rhian and Tam a somewhat hesitant good morning before sitting down. I got a half-smile. I slid a plate of eggs and bacon at him and drank another cup of tea – my throat was tickling something fierce and the tea helped calm it.

I'm not sure if there is some signal in his clinic that goes off when I'm serving breakfast or if he's psychic or what – but Anders showed up halfway through the meal. Fenris gave a slight sigh but said nothing when I got up to cook more eggs and bacon. His quiet acceptance earned him a smile from me and a good amount of random chatter from Anders. Chatter that ceased once I had slid the plate of bacon and eggs in front of him. No, the chatter turned into soulful looks. I think I may have made a grand mistake when I so loudly championed elven and mage rights yesterday. Oops.

An hour later and the house had cleared out. Anders and Fenris had been appropriated by Garrett for a job. Something about Aveline, the Wounded Coast, and bandits. In fact, Varric was going with them and had passed on his apologies. No paperwork today. I had tried to reign in my sarcasm when I told him how sad I was, much to his amusement. With the guys gone and no paperwork in my future, I decided to change into something I could get muddy in and go see what was up with that garden.

***

Tam and I stood on what probably used to be a paved patio-type space used for outdoor parties and surveyed the mess. I could still see the lines of an elegant garden. Flowerbeds were choked with dead plants, leaves, and weeds. Bushes had become overgrown. Some sort of flowering ivy had taken over the back wall. The carefully placed decorative stone pathway had become mired in grass and mud.

“Do you think it would be easier if we just set it on fire?” I asked with a glance at Tam.

“Too much mud. It wouldn't burn. We'll need to dig out the beds to start. Pull down that ivy. Get the bushes trimmed back. Once we have that cleared, we can begin to plan the beds.” His response was all business.

“Tam. I know you're sort of like an employee here and all, and I am in the unfortunate role of boss. But you don't have to be so...stiff.” I turned to him with a slight smile. “I'm not exactly a Hightown snotty noblewoman.”

Tam met my eyes and tilted his head, “I have a question.”

“Shoot,” I said as I bent down to poke at a mushroom.

“You cook, but sleep upstairs and refuse to answer to the title Mistress. The elf with the tattoos has the master bedroom, but eats in the kitchen and makes an angry noise if referred to as Messere. Who owns this house?” He moved to a flower bed and knelt down, pulling at the weeds with his one hand.

“Um. I guess I do. The paperwork says I do.” I scrunched up my nose. “But this is Fenris' home. And mine now, I guess. I cook because I can, not because I have to. Varric found you and your wife because this place is huge and I need help keeping up with it. I don't expect you to call me Mistress or anything because even though I pay you, you're helping me out. We eat in the kitchen because it's cozy.” I shrugged. “And Fenris wants to be called Fenris. I assure you.”

Tam was watching me with shrewd eyes. “You're definitely not like the other people in Kirkwall.”

“Yeah...well...” I went to kneel down next to him. “Thanks.” I threw him a grin and started attacking the dead plants. “Think we could put in an herb garden? How about vegetables?”

“We could do a mix if you'd like.” Tam said, settling down and working with me. “I once saw a garden that combined the flowers and herbs in the same beds. It was stunning.”

“I am relying on you here. I'm a novice at gardening, and I need all the help I can get.” I was imagining rows of cooking herbs sharing space with some roses and it was a pretty mental image.

“As long as you don't mind the one hand, I think we can manage this.” He offered me a shy smile. “Now, first things first, let's get the weeds out. You start over there. I'll start here. We'll meet in the middle.”

***

  
We had made it to lunch when I realized I was starting to feel a little achy – and not just my legs. I figured it was because I had been hanging from the vines in the garden – those are some seriously strong vines – to pull them off the wall. And my runny nose? Pollen from the weeds we had been yanking up. There was a growing pile of dead foliage and weeds and about a quarter of the flower beds were bare dirt. Obviously, this was a bigger job that anticipated.

We broke for lunch – finding Rhian in the kitchen putting together plates of cold meat and cheese. I sliced up some bread and sat with the two of them. Rhian informed me that she had changed linens and started working on the back rooms downstairs. The people we had hired to clean had done a spectacular job but there were corners with spider webs and rooms that still needed a good scrubbing. Rhian was going room by room and making sure every inch of the mansion glowed.

“You should have seen this place when I found it,” I told her. “Mushrooms were growing out of the carpet.”

“It looks great as is, but I can see so many corners still filled with grime,” She said with a head-shake. “You have to get down and really scrub to get that stuff out.”

“Ick,” was my response. “Just...ick. Mushrooms and dirt and squelching carpets.” I left out the dead bodies. I didn't want to scare them away.

“Well, the garden may look a mess but that's quality dirt out there. We should be able to grow some lovely plants in it.” Tam said, smiling at his wife. “Miss Jen is a crack at pulling down vines, as well.”

“Oh haha. I thought my body weight would be enough to pull it down. I didn't anticipate how well-anchored it was to the wall.” I prodded Tam's shoulder. “Nor did I expect it to have sharp leaves. Ouch.”

Tam chuckled, “Miss Jen is thinking of putting in a vegetable patch.”

“Why do you keep calling her Miss Jen?” Rhian glanced at me to see if I was upset with the title. “She said she didn't want us using titles.”

“It's alright. Tam was having problems, and where I'm from, putting Miss in front of a first name shows both familiarity and respect. I can live with it.” I sighed as I leaned back in my chair, fatigue blooming. “I saw the Alienage yesterday. It...makes me sick. Just sick.”

“All Alienages are like that...” Rhian said, watching me closely. “Why did Kirkwall's make you so upset?”

“The entire idea makes me mad. Because you have pointy ears you have to be what? Segregated? It's wrong.” I sighed, rubbing at my forehead. A headache was forming behind my eyes.

Rhian watched me, “You look pale. Are you ok?”

“Yeah. Just...got a headache. And we walked all of Kirkwall yesterday. I'm sure that's why I'm so tired and sore.” I shook my head and closed my eyes. “I'll be alright.”

“You don't look alright. I think you need to clean up and go rest,” She put a hand on my shoulder.

I waved a hand at her, “You're fussing. Which...is my job. No, I'm fine. I am.” I stood and stretched, ignoring the increase in pounding pressure behind my eyes. “I can clean up from lunch.”

“No, you go on back out with Tam then.” Rhian's eyes were worried. She glanced at Tam and I scrunched up my face. “And stop looking at me like I'm mothering you.” I chuckled and headed back into the mud to fight with the vines some more.

***

  
A couple hours later and I was sweating and leaning up against the wall. The sweat was cold and sliding down my back. My skin felt clammy but the sweat just kept coming. I wanted to stand up straight, but didn't have the energy to manage that. So I stayed leaning against the wall while sniffling. Now, I'm not the best of patients. I whine when I'm in pain. I refuse to take my medicine. I'll deny the illness exists until I fall over – and even then I'll protest while being dragged off to the doctor's office. So the cold sweat and fatigue clued me in that I had caught some sort of crud while out and about, but I was hoping to pass it off as simply being tired.

“You need to go lie down,” Tam's hand brushed over my forehead. “You're burning up.”

I let my head rest on the wall, “But I don't want to be sick.” My voice had a decidedly whining tone to it. I didn't. I had a feeling things like Nyquil didn't exist in Kirkwall. Nor would there be Motrin. This felt like the onset of the flu – and if there was no Nyquil, there was also no Tamiflu. I had had my flu shot this year, though it only covered the most popular strains. That existed back home. On a different planet. So I didn't think the shot would help with the germs found floating around this place.

“We don't get to decide these things. It just happens.” He said with a slight laugh. “Come on, let's get you inside.” He wrangled one of my arms around his shoulder and helped me into the house. I lagged a bit, making unhappy noises as he half-dragged me towards the house. Tam ignored my insistence that I was fine, that I just need some water, or that perhaps just a little bit of a break would help. Instead, he stubbornly led me into the house.

Which was as far as I was willing to let him take me. I straightened once I got into the kitchen and staggered off towards my bedroom. Which was upstairs. A slow, labored crawl up the stairs and I was soon in my room and pulling off muddy clothing. The cold sweat was drying on my skin and I was breaking out into shivers, my teeth chattering together as my fever rose. Cold chills were ok, I told myself. That was a decent fever – designed to burn off the germs. Burning hot eyeballs, though, heralded the arrival of a temperature over 102. Burning eyeballs would require me to take a lukewarm bath.

Chills meant bed rest.

Which I did – grudgingly. I tucked myself under the sheets and covers, curled into a ball, and decided the entire universe hated me. Killed, flung into a new world, and now sick with some horrid flu or cold. I allowed myself a few good sniffles and a heartfelt whimper. My head was starting to pound again and the shivers were getting worse. The door creaked open and Rhian stuck her head in. “You're in bed.”

“Cold,” I muttered. “And my head hurts.”

She hummed as she came in, picking up my muddy clothing. Ignoring my grumbles, she laid a hand on my forehead. “You're burning up and your eyes look glazed. Looks like the plague.”

“The what?” Visions of body parts falling off filled my head.

“You know, the Darktown plague. A chest illness. Coughing, sneezing, high fever. The Healer usually takes care of it, but I saw him head out today with Serah Hawke.” She looked at me with worried eyes. “I may have some elfroot I can make a tea with...”

“Will it make my head stop pounding so bad?” I pulled the blankets around me a hair tighter.

“Yes,” Her hand smoothed over my hair. “I'll go make you the tea. Try to sleep.”

Sodding not likely, but I nodded in a semi-agreeable manner and huddled under the blankets. Everything was starting to hurt, like that time I had had that mysterious infection for a week and was stuck in bed with fever and chills. The cold was in my bones, my limbs shaking as I clung to my blankets. I brushed a hand over my hip and felt the burn of my skin and sighed. The fever was going to get worse, that much I could tell.

***

  
The elfroot tea helped the headache but didn't touch the fever. I had had two cups of the tea, the second one not staying down as my stomach started cramping. That found me running to the water closet and emptying everything – including my stomach lining – into the commode. When I was done dry heaving, I rested my head against the cold porcelain and thought about how good that and the cold floor felt.

Which was when I realized my eyeballs were starting to feel like little burning coals. My fever was spiking. I was loathed to try more tea – it didn't seem to want to stick. But I needed to get my body temperature down. I pulled myself up and wobbled into the bathing room. One lukewarm bath coming up.

This was a trick I had learned in college - back when health insurance was a dream and getting sick was a hazard from living in the dorms. Fevers were common place there, so many new strangers crammed into one building and sharing germs. It wasn't unusual to spend the first month of a new semester groggy from cold medicine and illness.

If I needed to get my temperature to drop quickly, I'd learned, a room-temperature bath was the best way to do it. Fill the tub up, sit down, shake and shiver, get out and go sleep. The upside was that it didn't require any actual medication – which meant that if I was broke, I could still treat myself. The downside was that it hurt to sit in the water – my body convinced I was forcing myself into an ice-bath.

I filled up the tub, tested the water temperature, and then slowly lowered myself in. It hurt. A lot. My muscles seized up and I let out a low moan of pain. I gritted my teeth and tried to relax, forcing my muscles to unclench as I lay back and closed my eyes. I tried thinking calming thoughts – the beach, warm sand, sun...anything to take my mind off of the cold water and the pain.

I think I made it a whole five minutes before I muttered “screw this,” and I pulled myself out of the tub. I bundled myself back into my clothing and dragged myself back to my bedroom. My eyeballs were still on fire, my skin damp and chaffing hot. I stripped out of my clothing and got under the sheets, throwing the covers off the bed. Sheets pulled up to my chin, I decided crying was the best solution to this problem – because sobbing in bed makes everything better. Worn out from the bath, the fever, and misery, I managed to drift off to sleep.

To be awoken by a hand brushing my forehead. I blinked blearily up into warm, honey eyes and frowned. “You're out.” I said.

Anders smiled at me, his hand cupping my cheek. “We're back, just got back. Rhian met us at the door all worried, said you had passed out and were burning up,” he whispered as his hand started glowing. Soft blue light slid over my skin, I could feel it like a warm caress. I exhaled as my body relaxed and the pain ebbed. “You're sick.”

“Am not,” I murmured, turning to nuzzle his hand. “Just...caught a little sniffle or something.” His hand felt so good. The magic felt so good – cool and soothing as it filled me.

“Mhm, this is obviously just a little something,” was Anders' response. “How long have you had a fever?”

“Since lunchtime?” I hazarded a guess. “I think. I don't know.” I looked up at him, my gaze finally clearing. He had a small smile on his face, his look one of affection and slight annoyance. It made my toes wiggle in embarrassment.

“And the headache? Runny nose? Sore throat?” He trailed a finger down my nose and grinned wider when I pouted. “Sore muscles too, huh? Yes, this is just a little something. How long have you had all of these symptoms?”

“Since I woke up,” I bit my lip and had the grace to look chagrined. He chuckled and brushed my hair back from my forehead. That felt good. So did the next brush of his healing magic. I may have made a tiny noise of pleasure, but you would never get me to admit it.

“You're not used to our illnesses here. I'm betting you picked this up a couple days ago. We took you out yesterday and the walking around helped finish the incubation. You should have told me this morning that you felt sick. We could have avoided all of this. Now you'll have a couple days of recovery.” He started folding the sheet down from under my chin and stopped when my bare shoulders came into view. “Ahh...huh.” The bemused smile gained a slight tinge of embarrassed heat.

I glanced down and then back to him, “I was hot. The bath didn't help. I don't like to sleep all swaddled up anyway and...I...was uncomfortable. Stop looking at me like that.”

“I seem to always find you less than dressed. It's becoming a habit,” Anders murmured at me.

There was a noise at the door and then Fenris came in. I tried to sink back under the sheets, keenly aware of both my nakedness and the two men now staring at me. “How bad is she?” Fenris sounded more aggravated than Anders.

“Not bad anymore. A couple of days of rest and she'll be good as new. It was most likely the ague, probably caught it cleaning your house.” Anders brushed a hand over my shoulder, his fingers trailing over my skin. “Her fever is gone and I've fixed the muscle cramps, but her body will need to recover.”

Fenris sat on the other side of the bed and leaned down to look in my eyes. His face was stern, voice clipped. “You worried us.”

“I'm sorry?” I squirmed under Fenris' gaze. He was doing a pretty good job finishing off the guilt-trip Anders had started. “I...didn't think it was so bad.”

Fenris narrowed his eyes and looked me over, “You have shadows under your eyes and your skin is too pale. You will stay in bed and sleep. Not get up and fuss. You will rest, Jen. This is non-negotiable.”

“I'll do what I want to do,” I retorted, ignoring the thrill of adrenalin when his lips thinned. I couldn't stop the snark. “You're not the boss of me.” As the words left my mouth I closed my eyes, wondering why I was pushing back at Fenris and Anders. I really was a bad patient.

I opened my eyes in time to see Fenris glance at Anders. Anders had a grin on his face, amusement dancing in his eyes.“I can do something, yes. I thought you disapproved of magic.”

“She is unwell and requires rest and seems determined to ignore both of us. You are a healer. Take care of this.” The words were simple, the sentiment pretty clear.

“Wait, what are you two talking about?” I struggled to sit up, pulling at the sheets. Neither Anders nor Fenris moved, keeping me pinned to the bed. “Come on guys. I'm was joking, mostly. I'll rest. I will!”

Anders nodded at Fenris, obviously not believing my sudden cooperation, “This is for your own good, Jen. Just remember that.”

“What?” I squawked a bit, my eyes wide. And then I was drifting off as Anders' magic soothed me into a comfortable slumber.


	11. Chapter 11

“There you are,” Varric’s merry voice had my head popping up. I was wrapped in a blanket and curled up on the settee in the sitting room, cup of tea on the floor and a book in my lap. Varric was a cheerful figure in the doorway, a smile on his lips and worry in his eyes. “I was wondering if the guys had let you out of bed.”

“Don’t speak of them to me. I am currently quite upset with the both of them.” I sniffed primly, my eyes narrowing when I saw Anders pop into the sitting room. “Last night, somebody thought it would be alright to forcibly put me to sleep. And this morning I was removed from the kitchen.”

“I didn’t forcibly do anything to you, Jen. You were being obstinate, and I felt it best to keep you where you needed to be – in bed.” Anders moved over to me, sitting down on the settee at my feet and leaning forward to check my temperature. “You were very sick.”

“Pft. I was fine. It was a cold.” I tried leaning back to get away from his questing hand, annoyed to discover I couldn’t get out of his reach. “Argh! You’re hovering!”

“Mm, such a grumpy patient.” He chuckled. “Cute too.”

That had me sliding down and pulling the covers over my head. I heard Varric laugh. “She’s going to hurt you, Blondie. Mark my words, you and Fenris will experience payback.”

“Yeah. You should fear me,” I said from under the blanket. “I’m terrifying, remember?”

“Says the woman hiding under the blanket.” Anders quipped, squeezing my foot and standing up. “No heavy lifting, no leaving the house, no cooking or cleaning. You will rest, Jen.”

“You will rest, Jen,” I parodied from under the blanket, squawking when Anders pulled the blanket off of me completely. I closed my eyes and looked away.

“Just watch her for me, Varric. I need to head down to my clinic. Fenris is in the garden with Tam pulling down vines and weeding. From what I saw, the two of them were getting along fairly well. I think gardening agrees with Fenris.” I felt Anders’ finger trace over my cheek and peeked up at him. He smiled, “I’ll be back later. I promise. Justice is quite put out that you ended up sick. He was very impressed with your entire speech at the Gallows the other day. We would both appreciate it if you rested some.

The thought of upsetting the Spirit of Justice actually made me feel a little guilty. Lord knows, I was impressed with Justice. Overawed. It was like Anders was possessed by an angel – which in my mind, he was. So hearing that Justice thought I needed to rest…well…that’s like hearing straight from the Big Being Upstairs. “If Justice thinks I need to rest…” I said on a sigh.

“Really?” Anders’ voice was shocked. “You won’t listen to me, but you’ll listen to him?”

“He’s like your god’s spokesman…in the flesh…so to speak. Of course I’m going to listen to him. Silly.” I watched Anders face register surprise at that. “Remind me later and I’ll try to explain angels…which are NOT dead people…I know how everybody talks.”

Anders just shook his head and bent down, probably to kiss my forehead. I angled my face up and met him with a chaste kiss instead. That made him register a little more surprise. “Thank you for taking care of me. I am a terrible patient and you’ve handled me better than anybody I’ve known.”

“If I had known nagging you into resting would net me a kiss, I’d have done this days ago.” Anders eyes were light and happy. “Well then. I’m off. See you tonight.” I watched him head out the door, his head turning so he could smile at me before he left.

“Kissing Anders, huh?” Varric sat down on the settee. I rolled my eyes as he waggled his eyebrows. “I thought you weren’t in the market.”

“It was a friendly kiss. Don’t go all weird on me, Varric.” I pushed myself up and waved my book at him. “We need to talk about your romance scenes, by the way. This is…” I snorted. “I know a good romance. I love a good romance. This is a mediocre romance at best.”

The book was called Swords and Shields. It was an obvious adventure romance. It wasn’t as bad as a lot of the romance novels I’d read, and I’d read a lot of real doozies. But it wasn’t exactly great, either. His fighting scenes were pretty darn good. It was the romance that was in need of some salvation.

“My crime serial, Hard in Hightown, is better, “Varric was grinning at me. “I should have pegged you for a romance reader.”

“Eesh, I just like to read. Quit it Varric! I’ll try that series next. But I think we can fix this.” I shook the book at him. “But later. Whatcha got?”

“Merchant Guild crap.” Varric patted a bag bursting with papers. “Time to pay up, Sweets.”

***

  
“Varric, this contract is so poorly written it’s amazing that it hasn’t spontaneously combusted due to sheer acts of evil,” I was holding the page in question by my thumb and forefinger. “I am so freaking impressed with this circular language.”

“What circular language?” Varric was squinting at his own paper while rubbing at his forehead. “I think this contract is null by simply existing…” he muttered.

We were in the dining room, papers strewn across the table. There were little piles and bigger piles and then a drift down the center. He had brought in a bunch of contract negotiations, needing help in organizing and finalizing a proposal to, from what I had been able to glean, open up a new money lending establishment in some place called Ostwick. The contracts read like standard business contracts – this dwarven house agrees to partner with this dwarven house to provide financial support for the business, to be run by this dwarf for a period of fifty years or until start-up funds have been recouped at an exorbitant rate of 150% on the sovereign.

Now I had worked in Insurance back home – writing policies and negotiating the hazardous realm of surplus lines. It’s an industry that operated independent of normal insurance markets and included non-standard forms and conditions that I would combine, per my company manuals, to create intricate policies designed to cover businesses like…bouncy houses, strip clubs, small home businesses, and people who write coding. I spent my days hammering together policies while alternately begging and screaming at my agents for information. I knew business. I knew legal forms.

This was some new kind of legal form hell, however. The Insurance Industry back home could learn a thing or hundred from dwarven merchants. This wasn’t just a contract, this was legal bondage and your shackles were created by long sentences that managed to say everything and nothing. I had been working on this one document for an hour. I was still no closer to figuring out what, exactly, the document was talking about.

“Varric,” I sat back and dropped the paper, “You win. This is a nightmare.”

“You’re telling me.” Varric threw his own paper on the table. “Want a drink?”

“She is not to have alcohol,” Fenris was standing in the doorway looking freshly scrubbed. “And, in fact, she has done enough work for the day.”

“I would normally argue with you, Fenris, but I if I don’t take a break from this mess I’m going to start throwing things.” I said, prodding at the paperwork. “Want to try again tomorrow, Varric?”

“I do, Sweets. Believe it or not, we got more done today than I get done in two days.” He started gathering up papers into organized stacks. “Mind if I leave these here?”

“Why put them away when we’ll just have to reorganize them later? And if I can’t sleep, I can always come in here and start working.” I started helping him. “How was gardening?” I asked Fenris.

“Tam and I finished clearing the flower beds,” Fenris watched as I slid a stack of papers next to Varric’s stack. “I believe we can start digging out the walkways tomorrow.”

I looked up at that, at the surprise I heard in his voice, “You had fun, didn’t you?” I watched him flush a bit. “And you like Tam.”

“Yes,” His response was short, nearly curt. “You are done. Varric, we shall see you tomorrow. She should go rest.”

“Like I have a bunch of nannies. Steal me away, Varric. Save me from this oppression,” I tried to cling to Varric’s arm but he shook me off with a laugh. “Bollocks. Fine. Leave me to my oppression, then.”

“Get some rest, Sweets. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Varric reached up and tugged at my hair, offered Fenris a big grin, and sauntered out.

“And there he goes. Off to enjoy his freedom. While I…I am stuck here a prisoner.” I lamented rather dramatically.

The snort was the most I could hope for from Fenris. He didn’t deal with my dramatics as well as Anders. And in fact, he wasn’t taking any chances with me, either. He swooped…yes swooped…in and gathered me up before I could do more than squawk at him. “You are not being oppressed, Jen.” He said as he walked me out of the room.

“Hmph,” I grumped but only half-heartedly. It was hard to do anything grumpily while being carried by Fenris. More like sulking with a slight appreciation for his casual feats of strength.

I thought he’d take me back to my room, but instead he took me to the sitting room. More books had been piled on the table along with a cup of hot tea. Fenris carefully placed me on the settee and covered me up, his face a mask of concentration. I watched him for a moment and then grabbed at his hand, “Hey you. What’s bothering you?”

“This has been a lot of change. I…was alone for a long time, Jen. And I worry with you in the house.” He sat down next to me, staring at our entwined fingers. “My former Master still hunts for me. If he was to find you here…”

“Hey. Haven’t you heard the saying don’t borrow trouble?” I squeezed his hand, unsure of exactly what to say. Truth was, if his master attacked the house he’d be leaving with one new kitchen slave because I had no fighting skills. Or I’d be dead. Again. I wondered where I would end up if I died again…not a comforting thought.

Fenris sighed, “I brought you more books. I apologize if any of them are boring. I am unable to read them myself and so I simply picked ones that had interesting covers.”

There was a moment where we both looked at each other, Fenris waiting for me to probably say something like “You don’t read?” in a shocked tone of voice, me looking for the right words to say. Of course he couldn’t read. I had learned about slavery in my history classes. I didn’t like to think about it but you know, there’s a lot about the world I didn’t like to think about. I looked at the books and then back to Fenris and shrugged, “If you hear me throw them, they were boring. Do you want to learn how to read?”

“I…do not know.” Fenris said hesitantly. “Is it hard to learn?”

That made me ponder some more. “It depends on the person, I suppose. I don’t mind teaching you.”

Fenris’ fingers were clenching mine rhythmically, as if he was fidgeting. “I would like to learn.”

“Then we will begin – maybe in a couple of days. Would that work? We’ll start at the beginning with easy things like letters and numbers and then move on to sounds. It’ll be fun.” I toyed with his fingers, admiring the swirls over the back of his hand. The reason they were there was hideous, but the look of them was striking. I stroked a finger over the tip of the swirl, glancing up and catching surprise in his eyes.

“So…why do you think your former master is looking for you?” I asked, flushing slightly under his gaze.

He caught my finger and turned my hand over, tracing a pattern on my palm. My fingers twitched at the sensation, but I didn’t move my hand. “A month before you appeared his apprentice tracked me down. We confronted her.” His pointer finger slid up my middle finger and rubbed at the pad. “Before I killed her, she told me I had a sister. I am sure that this is just another way to reel me in. To lure me out.”

“A sister. You don’t know for sure?” My voice hitched a bit. He had moved to tracing patterns on my wrist, his movements slow and gentle, at odds with the rough violence in his voice when he answered me.

“I remember nothing from before the brands. The pain burned away my memory. Danarius once said it made for a wonderfully blank canvas,” He closed his eyes, his finger stilling. “If I had a sister, I do not remember.”

I scooted up onto my knees and shuffled closer so I could wrap my arms around his shoulders. “Fenris…that’s…horrible. So horrible. I am so sorry.”

He had stiffened at the feeling of my arms, and I was reminded of his insistence that touch was something he didn’t usually enjoy. But really, you can’t just lay that kind of background on a person and not expect a hug. Or at least, not expect me to hug you. So I did…hug him…and clung a little monkey-like because I was feeling a hair weepy at the thought of Fenris losing himself because of some evil master.

Gradually, he relaxed and curled an arm around my waist, a gentle weight against me. He wasn't grabbing so much as simply holding. “Soft-hearted,” He murmured, his voice holding no teasing or condemnation.

“I shouldn’t be about this? Would outrage and anger work better for you? Because all that would accomplish is me yelling a lot. You don’t need that.” I settled back on my heels, still close enough that his hand was on my back, and brushed back his hair. “Fenris?”

“Yes?” He was regarding me with such somber eyes.

“Does it bother you that I’m here? That I cleaned your house and just…took over?” I dropped my hands and tipped forward to rest my forehead on his shoulder.

His hand slid up my back to settle at the base of my neck and he pressed gently, a warm weight against my skin. “At first I did mind, yes. Was I bothered? Not so much as upset that you did not ask me. But I admit that it is nice to live in a clean house. And Hawke is not here to barge in and interrupt me.”

I giggled against him, “He does sort of blunder around a bit, doesn’t he?” I looked up, my laughter quieting at the look in his eye. “Ahh…Fenris?”

The gentle touch on the back of my neck tightened a bit, shifted, and he exhaled, “I am attempting to not give in to temptation, Jen.”

“You know, I told Anders that you both don’t need to feel obligated to…to…flirt and stuff just because I cleaned up or helped out. I mean, you probably would never have looked twice at me if I hadn’t baked or cleaned and…what?” I stuttered out a breath. “What?”

“You told the Mage this? And what did he say?” He was shifting on the settee, settling his back against the winged corner and pulling me to lie facing him and propped up on his chest.

“Ahh…that it wasn't gratitude?” I pressed a hand to his chest, shifting so that I wasn't completely sprawled over him. “I’m not sure I believe him…”

He slowly pulled me closer as he slid down on the settee, and I admit I let him. I could have said no or wiggled out of his grasp or something. Fenris wouldn’t have forced the issue. But he tugged and I went and found myself snuggling him, his arm draped around me. “My feelings do include gratitude, but that is not why I find it so hard to simply…it is simply that...you are not like anybody else here,” he huffed softly.

“I hope not.” I blinked, patting at his tunic-covered chest. “Though people are people no matter where they exist at. I mean, the worst here can be found in some way back in my home world. Murderers, thieves, rapists...slavery, oppression...we have it too.”

His fingers were rubbing at my arm as he listened to me, “What about magic? You said you didn't have that. You are missing the most dangerous of all.”

“We don't need magic to destroy each other. We've managed to build a bomb that can level entire cities, poison the ground and water, kill people in an instant, and inflict future generations with diseases. We did that without magic. Every atrocity committed in my world was done without magic.” I plucked at his tunic.

Fenris was quiet, his hand twitching against me. I worried that I had upset him, hurt his feelings or made him mad. It was like me to run rough-shod over somebody else's thoughts – always in a rush to prove that I was the one right. A personal failing and one I didn't want to fall back on here because here, I didn't know best. I really didn't.

Finally, he sighed. “Perhaps we should let the subject lie.” I could tell that much cost him and I decided not to push. “I would much rather enjoy this moment without a disagreement.”

Enjoy this moment...oh. The snuggling. I was lying pressed against his chest, my body draped between his spread legs. I prodded his chest experimentally, feeling solid muscle under my finger. “Erm...” It was an incredibly intimate snuggle.

“Hmm?” Fenris mumbled sleepily.

“Nevermind,” I gave in and reached for a book, opening it up to read the title “In Pursuit of Knowledge: The Travels of a Chantry Scholar” by Brother Ferdinand Genitivi. I turned to the next page and started reading, pleasantly surprised at the easy prose. Underneath me, Fenris slowly relaxed. I smiled a bit when I heard a soft snore. Ah well, I supposed I could read snugged up against him.

It was shockingly like snuggling with my husband. And that was a pleasant thought.


	12. Chapter 12

“I see tourists at Christmas time / And I taste beers with a hint of lime / I feel lonely 'cause it's not the same / Different faces and different names / Living like pirates out among the stars / Yeah, that's what I see / When I see this bar.” I was warbling into a large wooden spoon, smacking the stove with my other hand to keep the beat, and wiggling while cooking the next morning. The tea kettle was nearly at a boil and I was stirring a giant pot of oatmeal, or something akin to oatmeal. I had sliced up apples and put out honey, raisins, and nuts. At the moment, it was me and my spoon in the kitchen and I was taking the opportunity to sing at the top of my lungs while I cooked.

I had awoken to the nasty realization that Kirkwall didn’t possess fast food burgers, pizza delivery, dish washers, good plumbing, hot water on demand, internet access, or mp3 players. I was missing my music, and I was missing it terribly. I was also missing my video games. I had been in mid-game. Now I would never finish the story!

The universe was stuck being only half-saved due to my sudden demise. It made me a little cranky.

Besides the terrible realization that I was short all the wonderful conveniences of modern-day life, I had woken up to a weather shift. The wind had a bit of a chill and I wondered if we were getting near the end of the summer season. I wondered if Kirkwall had a fall season. Did it get really cold? Would there be snow? Ice? Rain?

I decided these were all questions for Varric and went back to singing and stirring the oatmeal-porridge-stuff.

I had made it to the end of the third verse when I heard a sound in the doorway and spun around, finding Anders standing there with a big grin on his face. “Morning! Am I the first one here for breakfast?”

“Yes and you don’t even live here. Fenris really wore himself out yesterday and then topped it off with several bottles of wine. I’d ask if that was normal but I saw the stains on the wall.” I frowned a bit and then shrugged. “If you two could get along I’d nag him into moving you in. We have room.”

Anders was eating a handful of raisins and blinked at me. “You’d have me live with you and Fenris? Aren’t you embarrassed by me?”

“No. What a silly question. No.” I waved my spoon at him and then at a chair. “Sit and I’ll get you some of this…stuff…I made.” I contemplated the pot. “Porridge stuff,” was what I decided on.

“Mm. I like porridge stuff.” Anders sat down and propped his chin on his hand, “You don’t have to stop singing and dancing. I liked the little wiggle.”

I shook my spoon at him and started dishing breakfast. Really, if you looked up the word incorrigible in the dictionary it would have Anders’ face next to it. As a second definition, Garrett’s face would also be shown. I plunked a bowl in front of Anders, poured hot water into the tea pot, and sat down with a soft sigh.

“Still tired?” Anders asked as he sprinkled sugar into his bowl. “How are you feeling?”

I gave him a bland look. “Peachy fine, thank you.”

Anders’ lips twitched, “Peachy fine, hmm?”

“A little tired,” I amended. “But it’s better than yesterday. And you said I’d only need a day or two of rest. This is the or two and I’m taking it easy. Hence the porridge stuff for breakfast.”

The lip twitching had morphed into a small smile. Anders took a bite of the porridge stuff and grinned at me, the grin widening as I squirmed. That man didn’t even need to open his mouth to flirt. It was all right there on his face – right there just…flirting. I watched in fascination as he licked the spoon clean, cleared my throat and jumped up to go scrub something. When in doubt, scrub something. It helps to distract.

“You ok?” His voice had gone down a register and I scrubbed a little harder at a spot on the counter.

“Yep. Right as rain.” My voice had risen a hair. Delightful.

There was a soft chuckle and then the sounds of eating. “Justice is interested to hear about your angels.”

“Oh?” That had me turning around. “Really?”

“What are we discussing?” Disheveled shirtless Fenris greeted me this morning. I swear my nerves couldn’t take these two at once.

“Angels. Want some porridge stuff?” I tried for a smile, feeling like it fell flat in the face of Fenris’ chest and Anders’ spoon licking. Parts of me were knocking and reminding me it had been weeks since licking had occurred near my person. I told those parts to grow up and stop acting like teenagers.

“I would like some tea, if you have it prepared. Porridge stuff too. What is porridge stuff?” Fenris sat down and offered Anders a half-hearted glare. “Morning, Mage.”

“Elf.” Anders grinned and winked at me. “Too much festivities last night?”

“Fasta vass, no blathering this early.” Fenris grouched, his grumbling turning slightly happier when I placed a mug of tea in front of him.

“We were talking about angels.” I got bowls for Fenris and I and then poured tea for Anders and I. Sitting down with a slight sigh, I took a sip of tea. “Mm. Stop looking at me like that Fenris, I'm fine.”

Fenris simply raised an eyebrow at me and started adding fruit to his bowl. Anders chuckled and took another bite of his porridge. “So, what are angels?”

I pondered where to begin. “It's...hmm...angels are heavenly beings created by the big...person...upstairs. They are his first creations. A lot of people like to think that when they die they go to heaven and become these heavenly beings with wings and halos but they don’t. Angels are their own beings. They enforce the will of God. They fight for him, enact punishment, and spread his divine edicts.” I shrugged a bit. “They don't have souls. This is all, of course, just what I was taught. I'm sure each religion has their own view on heavenly beings – demons and devils, saints and angels.”

“I can see why you might think of Justice as one of these beings. The Maker created Spirits. And the demons – which are just spirits twisted to human desires and failings. Like Rage, Pride...Sloth.” Anders took a sip of tea. “Is that why you aren't afraid of Justice?”

“Have I done something unjust?” I looked up as Rhian walked in. “Because if I haven't, then I think I'm pretty safe from him. Morning Rhian.”

“Already up and cooking, Miss Jen? And what does the healer have to say about all this?” She gave me a look and went to look at the porridge. “This looks good.”

“It's porridge stuff. As for the healer...what do you think Anders?” I asked in a cheerfully, my eyes narrowed on his face.

He swallowed his bite of porridge and stood. “I think I should check you out to be safe.”

“Fine, so check me out,” I grumped, my entire body going ridged when I realized what had just come out of my mouth. “For any illnesses,” I clarified.

Anders’ lips were doing that twitching thing again, his eyes dancing, “You’re fine. I can tell. Could tell by the way you were dancing while cooking.”

Fenris turned inquisitive eyes to me, “You were dancing?”

“I was enjoying a little bit of music while I stirred the porridge breakfast stuff, if you must know. This entire place is lacking in music, by the way. It’s depressing.” I took a bite of my food and gave the bowl an appraising glance. It wasn’t half-bad.

“There’s music,” Rhian said with a smile as she sat down with her own bowl. “How odd that you wouldn’t know that. Where have you been that’s devoid of music. Heavens, you walk down the street and you can hear the Chant.”

“Er…that's really not the music I was referring to.” I glanced at elf with some consternation. Shit. “Rhian. I, ah…you see. I’m not from Kirkwall.” That was a good way to start.

“I know,” she gave me another smile.

“I’m not from…Thedas…” I watched her watching me. “I sorta…there was an accident and I died and ended up here. Tada! You're like my heaven! Isn’t it grand?”

“Did she have a head wound?” Rhian was looking at Anders now.

“I was there when she landed, so to speak. Against a rock out on the Wounded Coast. I don’t know where Jen is from but it’s not here.” He reached out to touch Rhian’s hand. “She’s a good person, sweet, and giving. And not a danger.”

“Unless you’re a cabbage. Then I’m going to put you in a soup,” I took another bite of breakfast and tried to look harmless. “Do you still want to stay here?”

Rhian stirred her porridge, face thoughtful. “It explains some things about you. And you’ve been very welcoming. Better than anybody else in the city, really. I…think we’ll stay.”

I hadn’t realized how worried I was about it until the words left Rhian’s mouth. I went limp, relief filling me. “I worried about telling you. Thank you for staying.”

“You’ve given Tam purpose in life again. We’re not likely to leave for any reason short of you turning cruel.” She patted my hand gently and got up to fix more tea. “Now, what should we do today?”

***

  
My day had already been claimed by Varric – who arrived shortly after breakfast to drag me back off to paperwork hell. He had more paperwork with him – new forms to go with the old forms that were mating and producing little baby forms in the dining room.

I lasted three hours and then pleaded a headache.

Varric, being the sweetheart that he is, agreed to call it even if I told him about my home. I agreed because anything was better than reading legal paperwork drawn up by a dwarf. Well, nearly anything.

So we made our way to the sitting room. I curled up on the settee and he took a comfy chair across from me. I settled and then gave him a smile, “So, what do you want to know?”

“How old are you?” He gave me a grin.

“It would figure you would start there. I’m thirty-five.” I laughed at the look on his face. “I swear I am.”

“I would have pegged you for late twenties. How long were you married and how many kids?” He was relaxing now, curiosity filling his eyes.

“Mm. We were married for…let me see…eight years. And the kiddo? She was adopted the year before. Just the one, a girl.” I tapped my fingers on the back of the settee. “Never could get pregnant.”

“What do you miss?” And that question made me sigh and him to chuckle. “Other than the plumbing. I’ve heard your rants.”

“Where do I start? Obviously my husband and daughter. I miss my cell phone and my computer. My dog and cats. My clothing…hell, my dishwasher and clothes washer and dryer. Air conditioning. Pizza delivery. The internet.” That last one was a tie with the husband.

“Other than the dog, cat, and family, I don’t know what any of that is.” Varric said, his curiosity obviously growing.

“Oh well, you know how you all have magic and elves and...dwarves and...probably dragons? We don't. But we make up for all the magical stuff with science. We've figured out how to take sound and transmit it for thousands of miles through the air so that you can talk to family in another country. Or see moving pictures on a screen. Or share thousands of books instantly. On a device the size of my hand. And we can wash our clothes inside a machine that does all the work. And we have another machine that dries them. Or...let me tell you about the refrigerator. It keeps your foods icy cold so that they don't go bad as fast.” I watched him blink at me. “It's true. If you ended up there you wouldn't have to hand-write your stories. You'd type them on a computer and save it there.”

“It all sounds like magic,” Varric said protesting. “Or at least good dwarven ingenuity.”

“Anybody can be a scientist, Varric. All you have to know how to do is look at the world and go...”I wonder why the sky is blue.” Then you go out and figure it out.” I was enjoying the conversation. It seemed like magic, in a way. Combustion engines and coolant and the internet – but really, it wasn't. Because anybody with enough determination could learn about it. Improve it. Make it work. “Anders was born a mage. He can use magic. I can't. But back home, I could change the oil in my car. So could a mechanic. It's...just...different. I guess.”

“It sounds so different. How do you handle it? The difference? I'd be going insane.” Varric's eyes were fixed on my face. As if he was worried about me.

“Oh well...I'm always one good scare away from a complete melt-down still. But it's getting better. The true gift of humanity is adaptability. If you can't bend with change, you'll break.” I gave him a wry smile. “Besides, ya’ll are so good to me. Why would I not want to settle in? It's not bad here – just different.”

“Yeah...different.” Varric muttered slightly and then grinned. “Do you have any questions, then?”

“Yeah – is it fall? Do you have a fall season?” I watched as Fenris came into the room. I pulled my legs up and he settled on the settee, leaning forward to tug lightly at my arm. I gave a sigh and scooted over next to him.

“What are we speaking of?” Fenris asked as he shuffled me around till I was against his side. Varric watched it all with a raised eyebrow, but said nothing. I just let Fenris rearrange me. He seemed to enjoy the snuggling, though I was pretty sure he'd deny it.

“Jen wants to know about the seasons. It's fall right now. . We're right at the end of Kingsway – so we're due some cold rains and cooler weather. Havestmere will start in just a few days. By middle of Haring we'll be getting sleet. We do get snow but not until Wintermarch.” Varric nodded. “Our snows tend to be heavy and wet because we're on the coast – but it's rare to get more than a dusting. Spring starts in Drakonis. Bloomingtide starts summer and is when we have Summerday. But the first holiday you'll get to celebrate is Satinalia at the beginning of Firstfall. We all dress is costume and Hawke throws a party. There's a celebration in each section of the town – except for Darktown of course. You'll enjoy it.”

Fenris brushed a hand over my hair. I looked up at him but he was looking at Varric, face neutral. Varric, however, gave me a look. “Er...” I stuttered slightly. “How many months do you have?”

“Twelve. Four seasons. I'll get you a book about it.” Varric said, looking up at the sound of a knock on the door. There was some murmuring as Rhian opened the door and then footsteps towards the sitting room.

“Good morning! Jen...are you cuddling Fenris? And he's letting you? This should be immortalized.” Hawke breezed into the sitting room, his face a giant smile. “Fenris, you flirt.”

Fenris was busy tensing up next to me. Any moment now I would be chucked across the settee and he would start snarling. So it was a surprise when Fenris tugged me a tiny bit closer. He did snarl, though. “I am not a flirt. I just prefer knowing she is resting.”

“Morning Hawke,” I said with a sigh. “You missed breakfast.”

“Orana nagged me into eating at home. So I have a question for you, Jen.” He barely gave me a moment to say anything before he barreled on. “Keeper Marethari was really interested in meeting you. I thought you might want to see the elves before we got our first big rain storm of Fall. What do you think?”

“A whole group of elves?” My eyes had gotten wide.

“Dalish, yes. Sorta like Merrill...sorta. We'd all go, so you wouldn't have to worry about fighting or anything. And before you say anything, I have a tent big enough for the two of us.”

“She would not require your tent,” Fenris muttered, much to Hawke and Varric's delight.

“When do you want to go?” I was glancing up at Fenris, eyes narrowed.

Hawke laughed at the look on my face, “Two days or so. Fenris, bring her to the Hanged Man tonight for Wicked Grace and we'll all decide. And now, I'm off. The Viscount...again. Then Aveline. I swear to the Maker, I'm moving from this city. Changing my name. Maybe open a pub. Hey Varric, wanna open a pub with me?”

“Not on your life. Besides, I don't think it'll help, Hawke. I'll go with you. I have a few things to discuss with Aveline anyway.” Varric stood, moving over to squeeze my ankle. “Alright Sweets, see you at Wicked Grace. Don't do anything you don't want me to write about.”

“I'm going to beat you with my spoon, Varric,” I said, rather seriously. But he just laughed, waved, and followed Hawke out the door.

“You may sleep in my tent,” Fenris said after a moment.

“What if Anders wants me to sleep in his tent.” I arched an eyebrow, grinning at the slight grimace on his face.

“Is that what you wish?” Oh heavens. I had hurt his feelings.

“I just asked. I don't mind sharing your tent. I will have my own sleeping bag, yes?” I poked his chest, prodding it again just to enjoy the feeling of solid muscle.

“I do not have a...what was it? Sleeping bag. I do have enough bedding for two, though I was hoping...” He actually squirmed a bit. “I mean, I had enjoyed napping with you. I am not usually a restful sleeperbut it was...I mean to say....”

“Good grief,” I muttered. “You're worse than I am. Fine, yes. I'll share your tent and let you snuggle. But if Anders asks I might force you two to share. Unless he's handsy...then I won't be...sharing...wait.” Now I stuttered a bit. “Not that there would be sharing. What the hell, I hate you all.”

Fenris huffed a laugh at that. “Your wooing skills are as bad as mine.”

“Shut up, I know.” I let my head rest on his shoulder. “Thought you hated touch.”

“I thought I did too,” he said, resting his head against mine. “But I guess we all can learn new things about ourselves.”

Truer words, I thought. Truer words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song lyrics are from Kenny Chesney's When I See This Bar
> 
> A song that makes me ACHE for Key West something fierce. It seemed appropriate.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok - so this thing took over my life? This Fenders story thing? And I've been writing on it obsessively. BUT - I've had this chapter mostly done for a while and yeah...I should work on this story too sooo...
> 
> Behold. New chapter! 
> 
> The Qunari invade and Jen is NOT happy about it.

It looked like our visit to the Dalish would have to wait because there was some sort of incursion or invasion or war or something…something was going on outside. I had woken to screams and shouts and the smell of smoke. The screams were coming from outside. The shouts were coming from inside…from Fenris.

“Jen! Get up, get dressed, and hurry. I need to get you to Hawke’s,” Fenris slammed my bedroom door open, voice an anxious hiss. “Be quick. I’m going to go get Rhian and Tam.”

I opened my mouth to ask what was going on but never had a chance to speak, Fenris rushing from the room. I wasn’t equipped to deal with situations like this. Snarky teenagers, dirty houses, legal forms…burnt dinner…yes. Cities on fire? Not so much.

I struggled into some pants and a tunic, hopping to get my boots on. I wondered if I needed an over-night bag. Would the house get ransacked? Did it matter? I wadded up my nightgown and shoved it in a sack along with a change of smalls and an extra tunic. There, extra clothing packed. Somehow that made me feel slightly better.

Fenris was calling my name by that point and I rushed from the room, mind gibbering at leaving the bed unmade. If the house WAS ransacked I wanted it to be tidy BEFORE. Which made no sense, but who makes sense when they’re being dragged out of the house due to…whatever…this was.

I had been through a Category 5 hurricane as a teenager. Sometimes when a storm blew in at night I dreamed that I was back under our dining room table, huddled with the dog and listening to the house creak and shudder in the winds. The destruction we had stumbled into the next day had been astounding. At the time, it had been the scariest thing I had ever seen.

Whatever was happening topped the hurricane by about a billion. The streets were clogged with smoke, barricades were being erected at cross streets, armed guards were rushing around with blades drawn, and you could hear fighting – the sounds of clashing metal and death gurgles.

Fenris herded us from the house, his sword drawn and tattoos blazing bright. Rhian clutched at Tam, the two of them trying to hide behind the elf. Which left me trying to hide behind them. I hadn’t had time to grab my spoon. I was weaponless and carrying only the soft bag holding clothing. Every nerve felt electrified.

I was scared to death.

Fenris must have sensed my abject terror because he turned and grabbed my arm, pulling me behind him as he strode quickly down the smoke-filled streets. My feet sort-of tried to keep up but I was pretty much being dragged through Hightown. The best I could do was grip my bag and try to run.

We were almost to Hawke’s mansion when the first invaders showed themselves – huge grey-skinned Qunari brandishing swords. The guard ran to meet the group and I could tell by the screams that the charge may not have been the best idea. Fenris gritted his teeth, tugging harder on my arm.

“Jen….Jen I know you are scared but I need you to listen to me,” Fenris swung me in front of him, stopping us in the shadow of some nobleman’s front door.

I swallowed and nodded, my eyes wide on his face, “Ok. Ok…what?”

“I need both hands to fight. Dragging you to Hawke’s is not an option.” Fenris’ hands gripped my shoulders tightly. “We are just down the street. See the courtyard? His mansion is to the right. I want you to run. Do not stop, do not look back. I will get Rhian and Tam there safely.”

“Run…ok. I can do that. Yes.” I peeked down the street, keeping my eyes from the knot of fighting. “Ok.”

“Go. When you get there, bang on the door to let them know it is you.” Fenris looked like he wanted to say more, hesitated, and then stepped back. I nodded, glanced at Rhian and Tam, and then took off down the street as fast as my legs could go.

Which wasn’t that fast. I have short legs.

I blew past the fighting with speed born of terror. Which of course meant I was winded by the time I hit the turn and grabbing at my side. Working out at the gym had not prepared me for running for my life. It certainly hadn’t prepared me for climbing up and down a city filled with stairs.

I swung around the corner, saw Hawke’s front door, and ran right into it. Full-body knocking is the way to go in all dire situations. I kicked and banged, calling out that it was me. Bodahn wrenched the door open and I fell face-first into the foyer.

“Fenris is coming,” I gasped. “With Rhian and Tam. There are big horned men killing people!”

“Jen! By the stone, you’re safe. Come in…come in and head to the basement. You know where. We’re hiding down there. I will get Master Fenris and your friends to you when they arrive.” Bodahn fussed at me.

“No, I’ll wait up here for them. Tam will need help down the stairs and…” my heart crept up into my throat to strangle me, “Fenris is out there.”

Bodahn must have seen the stubbornness in my eyes because he just nodded, closed the door, and relocked it. “Then we will wait together.”

  
***

  
It wasn’t a long wait, maybe five minutes tops, but it felt like forever. The sudden pounding on the front door had me stifling a scream and Bodahn nearly falling off his seat. We both turned wide eyes to the entrance and waited.

“It’s Fenris,” filtered through the thick wood and I went limp with relief.

Bodahn hopped up and wrestled with the locks, throwing open the door and ushering everybody in. “We’re hiding down in the basement. Well, we will be. We waited.”

“Fasta vass, Jen. You should be down there now,” Fenris helped Tam into the foyer, Rhian stumbling in behind them. “I must go. They are taking people to the Viscount's Keep. Knowing Hawke, he is on his way there. I hope to find him and aid him.”

“Bodahn, show Rhian and Tam to the basement? I’ll be there in a moment. I can lock the door,” I turned pleading eyes on the dwarf who simply nodded.

“This way messeres. Our basement goes down to Darktown and is safe.” Bodahn took Tam’s arm and helped him into the house. Rhian gave me a look and then followed.

“Jen…” Fenris started. I didn’t let him finish, instead throwing myself at him and kissing him.

“For luck. Isn’t that what you do in situations like this? Kiss for luck? Or something…it’s not fist bumping is it? Because awkward…haha…” I looked at him with wide eyes.

His exhale was filled with resignation and amusement, “I have no idea,” he finally said. “But I will take a kiss for good luck, yes. Stay with them. I would be…most put out if you were captured.”

“Oh, no worries. No capturing here.” I babbled at him. “Be careful…”

A nod and he was gone, the door shut firmly behind him. I fastened every lock before heading down to the basement. It would be a long wait. I wasn’t sure how long these things took – hours? Days? Weeks? I hoped not that long. My mind was filled with all the terrible things that could happen – Fenris dead, Anders dead…Hawke dead.

I closed and locked the basement door behind me and then made way down several levels to where everybody was sitting. We had nothing to do but sit and wait.

***

  
We started out chatting, me introducing Rhian and Tam to Orana, Bodahn, and Sandal. We told stories, the group finally prodding me into talking about home. Then, gradually, we ran out of stories and we just sat there.

Sat and waited.

I drifted in and out of sleep, my mind concocting horrible scenarios that always left me alone in this crazy city. I’d jerk awake, look around, see that we were still safe, and slowly drift back to sleep only to have another nightmare.

I couldn’t tell you how long we stayed in the basement, waiting and going slightly crazy, but it felt like forever. It seemed like days had passed by the time we heard footsteps above us, the sound making all of us tense. None of us had a weapon – except for Sandal who was holding a smooth stone and murmuring about booms.

The steps grew closer and we all inhaled sharply, and then the lock clicked, the door was thrown open and Aveline was moving into the room. “The city is saved, thanks to Hawke,” was how she greeted us.

Saved…by Hawke. Bodahn, Sandal, Orana, Rhian and Tam started up the stairs, all talking amongst themselves. I stayed where I was, eyes on Aveline.

“Saved how?” I asked, afraid of her response.

“He fought the Arishok in single-combat and won,” Aveline watched me wobble and then gather myself back together. She nodded in approval. “He did have some wounds, but Anders is taking care of them. He is in his room and is asking for you.”

I closed my eyes, working to bring myself down from the non-stop fear of the day, “And the city?”

“Is in ruins, but still standing.” Aveline moved to me, gently wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “The worst damage was done in Lowtown and Hightown. Hightown will rebuild fairly quickly. Lowtown though…”

I nodded, “A lot of displaced working people. Makes for a bad time.”

Aveline smiled, a faint lifting of lips, “We’ll right it somehow. The Knight Commander declared Hawke the Champion of Kirkwall.”

“Impressive title. It’s going to mean more work. Wait…what about the Viscount?” We were climbing the stairs and I stopped to blink at Aveline.

“Dead at the hands of the Qunari.” Aveline’s voice was hard. “We are without a leader.”

“Poor Hawke,” I murmured, “Declared Champion of a city in ruins. He’ll have his hands full.”

“We’ll all have to pull our weight then,” Aveline said, her eyes meeting mine.

My lips twitched, “I think I can be of help with this.”

“I was hoping you’d say that,” Aveline said, resuming her climb up the stairs. “You seem a good, organized sort.”

“Mm…” I hummed at her, my mind already grappling with the crisis. “We’ll need aid stations for the poor, donations taken up for rebuilding, food and water distributed, healing and first aid for the wounded…best to bring in the Chantry for some of this and then browbeat what’s left of the government. This Knight Commander…” I was murmuring to myself. “Could be done.”

“I’ll have you talk to Varric. That dwarf knows everybody,” was Aveline’s response.

“Good…yes.” I was still pondering the ins and outs of relief efforts when I walked into Hawke’s room.

***

“There you are. I was beginning to get worried. Fenris swore he had left you here,” Hawke was sitting up in bed, shirtless and being fussed over by Anders. I moved to the unoccupied side of the bed and crawled on, scooting over until I could touch his skin.

“You look terrible...is that...is that a sword wound across your stomach?” There was blood and I could feel myself turning green. Blood...my blood, his blood...anybody's blood...made me dizzy. “Urk...”

“Okay...you're going to lie down and close your eyes. Forgot your aversion to blood,” Hawke shoved at me and then groaned. “Ouch.”

“Well hold still. I'm healing torn muscles and all the moving is just making them more torn,” Anders grumbled. “I can't believe that blighted elf talked you into this.”

“Hey! It worked! Besides, they wanted to take Isabela. I...I couldn't...” Hawke sounded dejected, his head falling back to the pillows.

“What, exactly, happened?” I kept my eyes closed but rooted around for Hawke's hand, entwining our fingers. “Other than horned men trying to burn down the city...which I saw...it was scary.”

“The Arishok lost his noggin is what happened. We were out looking for this stupid book that belongs to the Qunari that Isabela..may have pilfered... Anyway, the Qunari attacked and the Arishok chopped off the Viscount's head...which really, it isn't that big of a loss. He was barely using it,” Hawke's voice faltered and I opened my eyes to see Aveline glaring at him.

“Glare all you want, it's the Maker-dammed truth. Anyway, there I was staring down the Arishok when Isabela comes sauntering in with the book. We give it to the guy and if he'd just...left. If he'd just taken it and left it would have been fine. No harm, no foul. But he wanted Isabela too. And I...I couldn't, Jen.” He turned to look at me. “I...I love her.”

“Shit,” Anders muttered. “Does she know?”

“Yeah. We're working on it. Anyway, the Arishok took exception to that and started making angry noises. Fenris suggested I challenge him – and I did. And I won.” His voice grew boastful.

“And you got your spleen chopped in half. I'm having to re-grow your spleen. Shut up and lie still.” Anders groused.

“I want to see Isabela...” Hawke moaned and shot me sad eyes. “Is she still here?”

“I'll go look.” I patted his shoulder. “You lie still and I'll be back.”

Hawke sighed, “I'm the freaking Champion of Kirkwall and I'm being mothered to within an inch of my life.”

“Another inch up and you'd be dead.” Anders glanced at me and then gestured at Hawke, who started yawning. “There. Go to sleep and let me work.”

“I'll bring you some food.” Anders was looking pale, stretched. He turned grateful eyes to me.

“I...dammit. Hold on Jen.” Anders slapped a bandage on a still-oozing wound and hustled up to me. “I was so scared.”

“I'll go down and see if that slattern is still here. I left her in the kitchen,” Aveline's face resembled a prune. I gave her a look and she sighed, “I mean, I'll go down and see if Isabela is still here.”

“Better,” I grinned. “She's nice. Be nice.”

“Pft,” muttered Aveline, stomping out. I heard a faint, “I'll show you nice” and then boots on the stairs.

“She scares me,” I whispered to Anders. “I'm pretty sure she could snap me in half with one hand.”

Anders' shook his head and touched my cheek, “I knew you were here and safe but still...I worried.”

“Right as rain...a very limp rain, but still. Rain...Anders?” His hand was cupping the back of my head and I licked my lips – and I'll be honest and say it was in anticipation. A little voice wondered if I found Fenris later if I could get a kiss from him too. To, you know, balance it all out.

And then there were no thoughts. Just slightly chapped lips sliding over mine and long fingers tangling in my hair and I just...I just let it happen. It had been a long, scary day. I had thought I had lost them – all three of them.

I wrapped my hands in the front of Anders' coat, fingers clutching at the fabric, and kissed him back fully. And when he pulled away, I didn't. I lingered, pressing up on my tiptoes to kiss his chin.

“Jen...”my name was a breath.

“I'll get you some food. And tea,” I smiled up at him. “I'm glad you're safe. I was...I was worried.”

Nodding, Anders stepped back, his fingers trailing over my cheek. “Does this mean...I don't want to push but...”

“Life's short,” I said. “I should know that intimately well. If you wish to...what is the word you all use? Woo? You can. But, ah, I'm giving Fenris the same courtesy.”

Anders bit his lip and then smiled, “I can live with that.”

“I'll be back in a bit. Don't...you know...overdo it.” I moved across the room to the door, stopping to look back at him. He gave me a happy smile and then bent back over a now-snoring Hawke, his hands starting to glow with healing magic.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Home again after the entire Qunari debacle - Jen tries for a bath and is interrupted by Fenris...
> 
> Assaults with wet sponges, lots of giggling, and Fenris kissing...

I never found Fenris in all the downstairs chaos. I did run into Isabela and Aveline having some sort of snide, angry chat. I watched the two of them bicker – Aveline’s face beet red and Isabela’s eyes hard – and shoved in between them. A few terse words, use of my “mom” face, and some silent staring seemed to solve that problem.

Isabela took off for Hawke’s room and Aveline went to check out the state of her guards.

I got food for Anders, made sure Varric would walk Merrill home, and then gathered up Rhian and Tam. I was tired, I wanted to change clothing, and I really wanted to figure out where Fenris had disappeared to. Knowing Fenris, he’d show up at the house sometime – hungry and cranky. Best to get home and start some food, then wait.

I was becoming pretty good at waiting.

The streets were, well, a war zone. Dead were being gathered up, barricades slowly brought down, fires doused. It was just as terrifying to see now as it had been to see when it happened. I kept Rhian and Tam next to me, even went so far as to hold their hands. It was as much for them as for my comfort. I feared what would happen if any looters came upon the three of us.

I walked as fast as I dared, as fast as I thought Tam could handle, not relaxing until we were safely in the house. It didn’t appear that anybody had ransacked it. There was a crack in one of the front windows, but that was it, and I made a mental note to talk to the glazier. Assuming the one we had used was still alive.

I wondered how many of the tradesmen I had met survived. I wondered if the Alienage had been hit hard. How bad was Darktown? I felt useless – disoriented, tense, scared, worried. Sad. Sad because people had died. Sad because I couldn’t help stop what had happened. I had hid.

“Rhian, you and Tam go rest. Just…take the rest off the day. I’ll start dinner soon and we’ll just…tomorrow is a new day. We’ll deal with everything tomorrow,” I tried to look like I knew what I was talking about, but I’m pretty sure it fell flat.

“Could we have leave to go check on our families?” Rhian fidgeted. “I don’t want to leave you if you’re afraid…”

“Oh crap, I should have thought of that. Yes, go on. In fact, go to the larder and take some food for them. Send a messenger tomorrow if you need to stay longer. It’s no big deal. I’m sure Fenris will be home soon,” I waved at the two elves, shaking my head when they both started to talk, “No, it’s ok. Really. Go on. I’ll be fine.”

I let Rhian hug me, Tam patting at my back, and then they went to gather belongings. I stood in the foyer for a few minutes, my eyes on the crack in the window and my brain whirring uselessly. Exhaustion – both mental and physical – crashed over me and I drooped. Dinner could wait, I decided. I wanted a hot bath and to curl up in bed.

***

As I've mentioned before, there's no showers in Thedas. I supposed one could be made – though the intricate ins and outs of dwarven plumbing were beyond me. Still, no shower – but the tubs were amazing: deep and long enough to stretch out in. Or at least the tub at Fenris' was. And after the kind of day today had been, well, nothing was quite as satisfactory as a bath.

I had let the water turn steaming hot, dumped in a bunch of scented salts, and then climbed in – literally. The sides were tall and I had to wiggle to get over the lip of the tub. The smell of herbs filled the room – astringent and soothing all at once. Lavender and mint and something underneath. Anders had given this to me, the bottle labeled “for relaxation.” I wondered if that was elfroot that I was smelling. I mean, he put it in all sorts of stuff...headache powders and poultices, powdered in hot water to soothe strains...

Leave it to the healer to create a bath salt with a healing herb.

The water was soothing me, relaxing muscles and making me yawn, when the door to the bathroom slammed open. I did the one thing I could think to do – I screamed and threw my sponge at the intruder.

The wet “splort” of the sponge hitting the floor was the only sound in the room for a moment. I stared up into wide green eyes and swallowed down a laugh. It was Fenris and I had hit him square in the face. Water slid down his chin to drip on his chest plate, his eyes firmly fixed on my face as if in shock.

I couldn't swallow the second giggle – the noise escaping with a snort, which only encouraged me more. My nerves snapped and I started laughing hysterically, the moment of the sponge slapping into the cranky elf's face forever emblazoned in my mind. Fenris wiped a hand down his face, frowned at his gauntlet while shaking off the water, and let out a surprising chuckle.

“Good reflexes,” laughter colored the words.

For a few minutes, nothing but the sounds of my giggles and his quiet chuckles filled the room. We gradually settled, me snickering quietly, and realization started to set in that I was in the tub and he was in the room. The laughter quit and awkwardness roared into its place.

“Err...” I looked around for a towel or washcloth or something. The sponge was across the room. I could have used it to shield one boob or something. I don't know. My hands were fluttering uselessly and I gave up and just blushed.

“I...I apologize for bursting in. I could not find you at Hawke's and then the abomi...I mean, the mage said you had gone home. I was concerned.” Fenris was staring fixedly at the wall behind me, the tips of his ears a fiery red.

“It's ok. I think. I was just trying to relax and...um....dammit. I left my towel on the chair can you...if you'll get that I'll try to get out of here without falling. For once,” I babbled on a bit. I wasn't really ready to get out of the tub, but seeing as how my sponge was across the room and Fenris was in the room, well...I figured I'd just get out. I could always take another bath later.

Fenris had tugged off his gauntlets as he moved to the mentioned towel, unfolded it, and was standing next to the tub, holding it out like a shield. I glanced up at him and he let his eyes drop for a moment, a small smile crawling up his face. Shit…

The kiss I had shared earlier with Anders made a wild appearance in my brain. This sorta...went beyond a simple kiss. This was more intimate: Fenris helping me from the tub, standing in the bathroom while I was naked. I wanted to say I felt terribly exposed, but I trusted Fenris to not push any boundaries.

I slid out of the tub – literally. I had to sorta sit on the edge, swing my legs over, and slide down till my feet hit the tile – and into Fenris' towel-covered arms. Fenris wrapped the towel around me and then did what I really should have expected him to do. He picked me up – towel and all – and carted me off to his bedroom.

His. Not mine. His.

I was wondering if I had been wrong about the entire boundaries thing. That was his bed sitting against the wall and a fire in his fireplace and none of my things and I was naked, damp, and in a towel. I opened my mouth to say something about it all and he sat us down – both us, just sorta folded up under me – on the rug in front of the fireplace, tugged me back against his chest, and squeezed me till I made squeaking noises.

“I was scared that you had been injured. Hawke had been taken back to the mansion and I went to check on our remaining friends at his request and then you weren't there,” His voice was a little muffled as he had his face pressed against the towel.

“I was at Hawke's the whole time – Anders put Hawke to sleep and I wasn't needed there. So I came home,” I patted gently at the shaking hands. “Hey, I'm fine. I sat in that basement like a champ.”

“Jen,” My name was exhaled as I was being turned. And really, being manhandled around isn't quite as thrilling as romance novels make it out to be. There was some pushing and pulling with pointy bits of armor jabbing into my flab and then the towel got stuck on the little spiky bits around the shoulders and then I was sorta squashed against armor that may or may not have had bits of gore stuck between all the spikes and I was pretty sure I had a new cut on my collarbone...but he turned me in his arms and after I unhooked the towel and he wrestled off his breastplate, well, he pressed me there against his tunic-covered chest and yeah...

Lips and teeth and tongue and Fenris really only kisses in one way and that's sorta devouring, all-encompassing, full throttle.

The towel ended up across the room and I ended up straddling him and the responsible part of me that had been waving the “Alert! Alert! Bad Idea!” sign shrugged and wandered off to join the rest of me in moaning and rubbing against him and generally giving in to the inevitable “I want to snog the elf” ideas now circling around in my brain.

Was it a good idea? Not really no. Neither of us were ready for that...yet. Plus, if I snogged Fenris would I then have to go snog Anders? The answer my brain came up with was a very enthusiastic “Yes” followed by girly screaming and other such nonsense.

When I had become ok with open relationships, I wondered as Fenris tipped my head back to nuzzle at my neck. Who cared, was the answering thought as he licked up to my ear and bit down.

“Jen...we shouldn't,” Fenris' voice was pure sin, the words an unfortunate prodding back to proper behavior and decorum.

“Are you sure? Because this feels really good,” was my intelligent response.

He laughed at that, a rumbling shaking laugh that rubbed his tunic against my breasts and made all of my innards sorta tighten. “You feel really good. Right here. All warm and damp and soft.”

Pressing my face tightly to his shoulder, I reigned in my libido. “If you keep talking, I'll be forced to do something desperate – like bake you cakes and make inappropriate frosting jokes.”

He laughed again, his hands stroking over my back. “What about Anders.”

“Oh for the love of Pete...”I groused. “You can't just...I'm naked here and...fine. We'll do this now, fine. You both are special. There.”

“And?” He gently lifted my face so he could stare into my eyes.

“And I'm enjoying you both romancing me. And I don't want to make a decision and I know that's irrational and silly but there you have it. I want you both and...if that's a problem you should tell me now so I can go put on some pants or something and we can forget this happened.” My eyes bounced around the room. Hell, I was sorta bouncing on his lap from nerves.

I realized he was looking down at my tits and not my face and flushed. Which made him smile this little lopsided smile. “You want us both. I suppose it's...a start.” One of his hands inched up my back and slid forward to tease at the side of one breast. “You should, um, find some clothing.”

“Are you...” I could bring myself to finish the question. Was he mad at me?

“I am not upset, Jen. Baffled, but not upset. You are not pushing me away...I suppose we will just...” He scrunched up his nose, his ears twitching as he thought. “We shall take it one day at a time. I am, after all, an escaped slave.”

I pressed a soft, chaste kiss to his lips. “You're more than that. Now...can you reach the towel you threw across the room? Or do you want to carry me naked back to my room so I can find pants?”

“Mm...I suppose I shall just carry you naked,” Fenris stood, lifting me back up. “Or you could walk out and I could enjoy the sights...”

“Shut up,” I poked his chest and crossed my arms over my breasts. “Hmph.” I sorta grunted, but smiled slightly at his laugh. “I'll put on clothes and then get some food together.”

“Now that sounds like an excellent idea. And after dinner, perhaps we could...sit together?” Fenris gave me a hopeful look.

“I'll read,” I agreed. His hum of contentment made my toes curl.

I was in so much damn trouble with these two.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jen wakes up in a bed not her own...
> 
> And then proceeds to wheedle Fenris into inviting Anders to move in...

The bed was so comfortable, the mattress soft and warm and comfy. I had comfy pillows under my head and snuggly sheets over me. I rolled over, encountered a warm body, and cuddled against it, let out a happy sigh, and settled in to drift back off when it hit me that there was a body in the bed and it wasn't the husband...because death and Kirkwall and...

I picked my head up and...yes, that was Fenris next to me. I stared up at the ceiling and wondered if I had missed something. I remembered fixing us sandwiches. I remembered reading part of a story and then leaning against him, listening to him talk. I remembered getting tired.

But I did not remember how I had ended up here in bed. With Fenris.

I pulled up the sheets to see that I was in panties and a tunic – the panties and tunic I had put on after my bath. I pulled the tunic away and pondered the lack of a breast band. Had I put one on after my bath or had Fenris managed to get me out of it? Had he also removed my pants? I glanced over at the sleeping elf and then back down at my boobs. I honestly couldn't remember...which said loads about how tired I had been yesterday.

The movement of the sheets must have woken Fenris because suddenly it wasn’t a warm, snuggly elf in the bed next to me but a growling, blue tattooed, cursing elf. I threw my hands up and scooted away as fast as possible, watching as Fenris’ eyes slowly cleared and his tattoos slowly dimmed. He glanced around and finally looked at me, his ears pinking with embarrassment.

“I am…sorry…” He croaked, a lost look crawling across his face.

“No…no…it’s ok. I don’t think either of us was expecting to wake up next to each other,” I assured him, biting my lip.

For his part, Fenris was rubbing a hand over his face and calming down. “You.”

I blinked and slowly relaxed, settling on my side and propping my head up on one hand, “what about me?”

“You stayed,” He mirrored me, his eyes traveling over my face. “I remember tucking you in and…worrying you would sneak away. I hadn’t taken into account how I would feel waking up next to somebody. I am surprised you are not halfway across the house now.”

“I am incapable of sneaking. Haven't you figured that out yet? I would have fallen on my arse or tripped or something. And it’s ok. I was a bit wigged when I woke up too. I mean, I hadn’t expected anybody to be next to me. And if you aren’t used to it…yeah…” I bit my lip, fighting the urge to touch him.

It wasn't like I was begging for him to do anything to me. The urge to touch, to cuddle, to soothe and snuggle, was just so ingrained. Ten years of sleeping next to Jay, waking up next to him, hearing his breathing...feeling his arms around me and his heartbeat beneath my ear...my head on his chest while we talked or just held each other in those precious few moments between the alarm going off and us having to crawl from bed to be adults and parents...I missed it. I hadn't realized how much I missed it. Missed the closeness. The intimacy. Not the sex...the intimacy. Trust and affection and just...being with a person.

I hadn't thought I would ever find that with another person – much less two. The years Jay had spent as Active Duty military had made me aware of how fast life could take everything from me, and we had talked about what would happen if one of us went - if we didn't die together. And we had...died together that is...but we hadn't ended up in the same place. I had always told Jay I would never be able to move on, and he had always gotten mad at me – said I should never cling to the past.

Lying there next to Fenris...well...I began to realize that all my protestations had been based around the belief that if Jay went first we would both be old and grey and nearing our ends anyway. Not still in the prime of our lives. And definitely not in a different world...

It was so natural then to let out a quiet sigh and scoot closer, to press Fenris back and curl up against his side. I felt him stiffen and then relax, felt him move around to accommodate me, his arm curling around my back to hold me against him. When we were finally situated, settled – him with his arm tucking me against him and me with my head pressed on his chest and one hand resting lightly over his stomach, I exhaled and relaxed.

Waited for him to freak or something.

But he didn't. He murmured something in a language that was musical and pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “This is...nice...” he said finally.

“Yeah,” surprise colored that one word. “It...it really is. I didn't think....”

“That I would be comfortable?” Fenris finished the sentence and I winced a bit. “I believe I told you that I have no experience in offering comfort, Jen. I am as surprised as you are.”

I let my foot bump against his leg and then experimentally dragged my calf over his and grinned a little when he inhaled. Entwining our legs, I rubbed my cheek against his chest and blinked. “Huh..”

“Huh?” I could feel fingers dancing over my waist, smoothing little circles against the fabric of the tunic. “What is it?”

“You have no chest hair.” I propped myself back up and dragged my hand up the center of his chest to his sternum. “None. I had thought it was all just blond or something but...are you hairless everywhere...wait...” I blinked. “That's...I'm sorry.”

His laugh rumbled in his chest. “Do you want me to pull off the smalls I put on so you can check?”

“No...” I drew the word out while mentally going “Yes...” I grinned at him. “Maybe. Wait. What?”

“What?” Fenris was blinking at me again and I tilted my head and he smiled. “I am wearing smalls, if that is your concern. I do not normally but thought you might be uncomfortable if you woke up to me naked.”

Now that was a mental image. Sorta. I assumed he had all the normal bits under that fabric. Which, of course, made me curious. “Can elves and humans...you know...” I widened my eyes.

“Have sex?” Fenris supplied, grinning as I dropped my face to his chest. “If you are going to press your lips to my skin like that I will be tempted to show you in person.”

“Oh well...I mean, after last night's kiss...I'm not sure if I would say no or yes or just sorta...” I mumbled against his skin. “Is this going fast? This seems like it's going fast. Should I spend the night with Anders tomorrow night to make you two even? Is that how this works? Do we work up a schedule...I mean...gah...”

Fenris interrupted my babble-fest by rolling us over – how I am unsure. One minute I was mumbling into his chest and the next I was under him and he was propped up on one arm and just looking at me.

The nice thing about Fenris...well...there are many nice things but the NICE THING I NOTICED FIRST was that we fit pretty well together because he's not very tall and I'm short and that meant we lined up without him having about half-a-person in leg length left over. I wiggled a bit because there's always that awkward “Your leg is pressing into my thigh and is that not your leg? No? Oh...well it's pressing into my thigh let me just...wiggle my hips there...now it's pressing against parts that should be pressed against...” and settled and then realized I had wiggled myself into a position that was causing us both some issues, if his inhale and my sudden strangled breathing was anything to go by.

“Stop moving,” he gritted out.

“I'm trying to get comfortable,” I groused. “Not my fault.”

“So the wiggling is not your fault?” He tried pressing on my shoulders with his hands and that just made me wiggle more and make little ow noises. He let up and I settled. “You are...”

“I am not impossible. Don't even go there. You're the one who flipped us all over and into this...position...” I wasn't sure what to do with my hands. Leave them on the bed or put them on his shoulders? Touch his sides? I moved them to his sides and his eyes widened and he let out a giggle. Oh now that was just too much. I twitched my fingers and he actually guffawed.

Fenris was ticklish. Who knew? Probably nobody else but me, and I was about to exploit this weakness for all I was worth.

I wrapped a leg around his and tried to hold on as I dug my fingers into his sides and he wiggled and laughed. I believe he gasped the word stop at me but I pretended I didn't hear and kept right on tickling. Which led to swift retaliation in the form of hands gripping mine and pinning me down and...

“Jen,” When had his face gotten so close to mine?

“Mm?” I flexed my hands and tugged. I didn't even budge his grip. Wow. And I really wanted to pull my hands free because he was kissing me – a long, slow kiss with lots of tongue stroking and lip nibbling and my fingers just sorta twitched while I tried to press up against him.

I was panting these little gasping noises as he moved to nibble on my chin and then back to my ear, his body pressing down against mine. I gibbered incoherently and strained to pull my hands free. He responded with a bite on my neck that left me limp and moaning.

“Jen,” my name was breathed against my ear. “If I thought you wouldn't regret it later, I would pull your clothing from you and show you just how well a human and elf can fit together.”

Well, and that made me flush hot. “Who said I'd regret it? No no no...there'd be no regret. I swear.”

“Mm...you would feel guilty because of the mage. We shall have to...work things out, yes. In some reasonable fashion.” Fenris levered himself up and straddled my hips and I blinked. This was new – I don't think I'd ever had a guy straddling my hips before. He gave me a lopsided smile and drew one finger down over my right breast and I swear I thought I was going to jump out of my skin at the sensations. “I shall discuss this with the mage.”

“You will?” Sweet heavens, I was all breathless and whispery. Way to be take-charge there, Jen. Good job.

“Do you not trust me?” His finger traced patterns over the tip of my breast and my mind mushed for a moment. But only for a moment.

“Fenris,” I finally placed a hand over his to stop the movement. “Either I'm there or this talk doesn't happen.”

His smile was satisfied, “Good. We shall discuss it today. I will not go another night not knowing how far I may take this.” He dipped down to kiss me again and then slid from the bed, walking with no embarrassment across the room to pull out leggings.

I stayed on the bed for a moment more and wondered if he realized he had just admitted to wanting to take this further...and he wanted to do it sooner rather than later. I wasn't sure how to feel about that except to think that a good talk with Anders was in order.

Maybe this was how I could talk that man into moving in with us instead of living in the sewers.

***

“You want to do what?” Fenris was gawking at me, his eggs sliding off his fork to land in a heap on his plate.

“I want to move Anders in. The man is living in a sewer. And no matter how nice I fixed it up, it's still a sewer. I don't know if he's eating, I don't know if he's sleeping – he's got patients barging in at all hours. Not to mention Hawke...” I took a bite of my own eggs and gave Fenris a look.

“And you want him to live...here?” Fenris pointed his fork at me. “With me. You want me to allow the possessed mage...the man who voluntarily became an abomination...to live here.”

I chewed slowly and then smiled, “Yes.”

“Fasta Vass....you are... “ His words devolved into a very beautiful, but completely foreign language.

I ate my breakfast and watched him mutter to himself. It was tricky, I knew, asking Fenris to allow Anders to move in. With our house so close to Hawkes’ Anders could avoid walking the entirety of Darktown to get here and I could avoid sleeping in the sewers. But it was a calculated risk. Both men seemed hell bent on hating each other...an absurdity that I refused to accept.

“You know, you say that an awful lot,” I picked up some toast and smothered it with gooseberry preserves. I had found a stall selling jams...well, they were before the entire war thing yesterday. With my luck, the jams were gone and I'd be forced to learn how to can. I realized Fenris was waiting for me to elaborate and grinned. “What is it...fasta vass?”

His ears flamed red, “Ah well...it...is...” His eyes darted around the room as he tried to come up with a way to tell me what the words meant without actually saying what the words meant.

I chuckled. “Ah, a naughty phrase. Got it. I like the feel of it. Fasta vass. Like, you can spit a bit when saying it and it gets your point across.”

Fenris' lips twitched a bit at that, “This is true. You make a valid point. But back to our discussion. You are set on the abomination living here?”

“I'd like to ask Anders to live here, yes. Abominations, I'm not so sure of.” I finished my toast and leaned forward to brush fingers over Fenris' arm. “Fenris, the man works himself nearly to the bone. Can't you be generous? You have so much.”

“I....” Surprise filled his eyes. “Do?”

“I keep forgetting,” I settled back. “Runaway slave. Apostate mage.” I shook my head. “Neither of you really have anything. I just...”

“It would be easier if he was here...I would rest better knowing you aren't in that sewer overnight,” Fenris murmured to himself. “You may offer...but I...”

“I promise, we'll still read together and I'll still be here cooking and nothing is going to change except an extra person will be in the house.” I stood and took Fenris' plate to go wash it.

I had just started pumping water into the sink when I felt Fenris press against my back and an arm wrap around my waist. And this took me back to standing in the kitchen with Jay, his body a long line against my back as I scrubbed dinner dishes clean. I bit my lip and sighed softly, pressing back against Fenris as if to anchor myself. “You are building a family.” His words were whispered against my hair.

“I miss...” I looked down at the water. “I miss him...” my voice broke a little, thoughts of my husband swirling around with the complex feelings I had for Anders and Fenris.

“I know,” His arm tightened around me. “I am here for you.” He rubbed his cheek against my hair, his gentle exhale ruffling my hair, “The mage would not wish you to cry.”

I turned and he let me, tugging me closer against him. “Thanks.” I settled. “You do this very well, by the way. You said you don't comfort but you do. Very well.”

“I am learning,” the words rumbled between us. “Leave the dishes, we shall go see if the mage is still with Hawke or if he has returned to his clinic.”

“Oh well...leave the dishes? I just can't...leave the dishes, Fenris. What if somebody breaks in and sees dirty dishes in the sink? What if...” I fussed a bit.

I could feel his smile against my forehead, “Leave the dishes for now. Come, let us see if the mage will even agree to your mad plan.”

“Oh...fine,” I groused slightly, stopping when Fenris brushed a kiss over my lips. I bit my lip and then smiled. “Fine. If you insist.”

“I do,” His hand wrapped around mine as he led me from the kitchen. And I let him distract me from the memories of before.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jen & Fenris go to discuss relationship...rules...with Anders and Hawke steps in with a compromise.
> 
> On occassion, Hawke can be the clear-headed one...

The mage in question was, indeed, still at Hawke’s mansion and eating breakfast when we arrived. Hawke was up and in the breakfast room, the two of them working their way through platters of ham, sausage, toast, and poached eggs while talking about the changes that would most likely happen now that the Viscount was no longer in charge of Kirkwall. Our entrance caused them both to look up with surprised faces.

“Now this is a change of pace, you two show up at my house for breakfast,” Hawke joked.

“Ahh…already ate,” I grinned ruffling his hair and smiling at Anders. “I made eggs and sausage.”

“We did not realize you would still be eating,” Fenris’ ears flicked as he glanced at me. “We will return a little later.”

“Nonsense, you’re welcome to stay. Join us, even if you don’t eat,” Hawke waved at a chair, grinning as I moved over to sit next to Anders. ‘I’m hurt that you wouldn’t sit next to me.”

“You’ll live,” I teased. “We’re here to talk to Anders, actually.”

“I do not wish to discuss this with Hawke in the room,” Fenris muttered.

“Discuss what?” The words were echoed between Hawke and Anders. Fenris was shaking his head at me, eyes wide and pleading.

I blew out a breath and sighed, “Anders, after you’re done, may we have a word with you?”

“Sweet Andraste, what have I done? Just tell me now so I may stuff as much food into me before I am to perish,” Anders gave a dramatic groan and grasped his fork tightly in his hand. At my snort, he grinned. “Or give me a moment and I’ll be free.”

Fenris gave a grunt, “I shall wait in the library. Jen?”

“Oh…fine. I’ll go wait with Fenris. He’s looking fussy. I said I’d go, quit growling,” I muttered, leaning over to press a kiss to Anders’ cheek. “Don’t hurry on our account. Eat enough.”

“Mm…” was Anders’ response. I could feel his eyes on me as I stood and moved over to Fenris. “A few minutes and I’ll join you.”

“Perfect,” I agreed, pushing Fenris through the door. “Come on Fenris, maybe I can find a few primers to help you learn to read.”

***

“This book is for children,” Fenris was grumping at me as he paged through a thin primer. “It has drawings.”

“The drawings are to help you. Stop making that face…stop it,” I fussed back at him. “We can do it the easy way or I can find the hardest book in this room, hand it to you, and make you sound out syllables.”

“Sound out what?” Fenris was tracing his finger over an A and then looking at the corresponding picture of an apple. “This is an apple.”

“Mm…yes it is. See, A. Apple starts with an “A.” It’s to help learn letters. Turn the page.” I curled up next to him on the settee and watched him trace the letter B and then look at the picture of a bear.

“That is a bear,” Fenris said, glancing at me.

“Bear. It starts with a “B.” B is for bear. A is for apple. B is for bear,” I leaned my head against his shoulder and watched him trace the B again.

“B is for bear,” he nodded and turned the page, glancing down and snorting. “That is a cat.”

“I like cats,” the sound of Anders’ voice had us both looking up. “What are we doing?”

“Learning our letters,” I spoke up before Fenris could make growling noises. “Pretty soon we’ll be reading Varric’s bad romance novels.”

“Fasta vass,” Fenris groused. I giggled at him and he pinked and mumbled under his breath.

I laughed more, sat up, and said gustily, “Fasta vass!”

“Jen…” Fenris growled.

I giggled harder and shot up from the settee before he could retaliate with some form of manhandling. I glanced at Anders, waggled my eyebrows at Fenris, and ran to stand behind the healer. “Safe. I’m safe. See…standing behind Anders.”

“Hey! Do you want me dead?” Anders held his hands out to Fenris.

“No, we want to talk about you moving in with us,” I wrapped my arms around Anders and clung to him, figuring that if I was attached he couldn’t flee. “Right, Fenris?”

Fenris just grunted in response and went back to tracing the C on the page.

Anders, though, inhaled sharply and pulled away from me. “What?”

“You should move in with us. To…um…to…Fenris,” I tapped a foot, “You were going to come over and discuss this and I’m doing all the talking.”

Letting out a sigh, Fenris skewered Anders in place with a look, “Mage, I do not know how best to say this. I do not wish for Jen to spend nights in your sewer. She is allergic to mold.”

Oh well, I was allergic to mold. I remembered mentioning that to Fenris and found myself impressed that he remembered. I mean, it had been an aside thrown out right after a sneeze. And he had been quite put out with me at the time because I had begged him into taking me to Darktown. “You remembered?” The words were tinged with disbelief.

“I remember everything you tell me, Jen,” Fenris dipped his head and went back to tracing the C on the page. “I do not wish you to get sick again.”

“Soo…why would she be spending the night in Darktown with me?” Anders was looking bewildered.

“We are both wooing her, yes? She has expressed concerns with sleeping next to me if she cannot sleep next to you. I do not approve of her sleeping in Darktown. Her suggestion was for you to have a room in my mansion,” Fenris grimaced slightly. “I am willing to work on a…truce…to accommodate this.”

“Who are you and what have you done with Fenris?” Anders was blinking in shock. “Wait…back up. You think that if she is sleeping with you that she has to then come down and sleep with me? That’s…um…I’m not opposed to…but isn’t it a little soon…she is in mourning. You are in mourning…” Anders turned to gawk at me.

“Why does sleep and sex have to equal the same thing?” I gave them both a peeved look. “I slept next to Fenris last night. It wouldn’t be fair for me to do that with him and not with you…which is so weird…how did this happen? Two men?” I tugged at my hair and gave them both a look. “This is so not me. Death is hard. I think I want to go back to living…”

Both men were staring at me with eerily identical looks of amusement. Which made me grumble a bit more before falling into a chair. There was a laugh from the doorway and then Hawke ambled in.

“Hawke…” Fenris started, his eyes wide.

“Look, it’s simple. You both want to woo Jen. Jen is amenable to the wooing but slightly concerned because she doesn’t want to hurt feelings. Fenris is wary of Anders who is wary of Fenris, but you both will do what’s best for Jen because that’s how you both operate – whether you believe that or not. If living together will be nothing but you two fighting, it would be best if she does just split time.” Hawke gave me a grin.

“So take charge,”I teased.

“I wasn’t named the Champion for nothing. Look, there’s no sense in dragging Anders into Fenris’ house this early. So go spend time with him in Darktown. Don’t push it. Anders is right, you’re still in mourning, still coming to terms with everything. It’s only been a couple of weeks, Jen.” Hawke had moved to me and slid a hand over my hair. “You’re just…”

“Grasping for normalcy,” I said on a sigh. “I know.”

“So…” Anders gave me a bewildered look. “What does that mean, then?”

I kicked my feet and gave him a shy smile, “I would like to spend time in your clinic, Anders. I do want you with me and Fenris but…I think maybe Hawke is right.”

“Of course I’m right,” Hawke preened. “I’m always right.” I rolled my eyes and he held up his hands as if to ward me off. “How about she go down to Anders' today. See how it goes. She can go get some things and cut through here – she did have a key to the mansion. I'd give it back to her...” and I got a meaningful glance at the words “if she promises to drag Anders up for dinner.”

“Oh...well...Fenris?” I glanced at Fenris, biting my lip.

“I shall come eat dinner here, then,” He said quickly. “And if all is fine, I will return in the morning to escort you home.”

I glanced up at Anders, “And what does Justice think?”

“He wants to know if you'll look over our manifesto,” Anders gave me a sheepish grin.

“Oh well...if it's easier reading than those Dwarven merchant contracts, consider it read.” I laughed, standing up. “So...how about I go pack an overnight bag and come back and then we can go to the clinic?”

Anders glanced at Fenris. Hell, I glanced at Fenris. If Fenris wasn't on board then I wasn't on board...which wasn't to say I wouldn't always wonder but...there seemed to be a mutual understanding between Anders and I that nothing would be done without first asking the cranky elf. I wouldn't push and Anders seemed to see some boundaries there that I didn't.

So we both looked at Fenris who simple nodded and stood, his hand wrapped around the primer.

“I shall take this with me and look it over. Tomorrow, we will sit down and you will explain these letters to me,” Fenris glanced at me and then held out his hand. “I will bring her back here, if that is alright.”

“Probably for the best. Wouldn't want her to get lost or anything,” Hawke said, beaming at the three of us.

“Stop it,” I warned him, my eyes narrowing. “Garrett Hawke...you stop it.”

“I've done nothing. Just...might visit Varric for a bit, that's all. Collect a small purse of gold. Nothing major. Thank you for winning me that bet.” Hawke started backing out of the room.

“What bet?” Fenris was watching Hawke like...well...a hawk.

“Nothing. Bet? Haha...what bet. You just stop back by here, Jen, and I'll give your key back. Oh! I think Orana needs me...better run!” And with that, Hawke fled the room.

The three of us looked at each other and shrugged. “I'll interrogate Varric later,” I muttered.

“Terrifying,” Anders murmured. “Go get your things. I'll wait here.”

I let Fenris pull me from the library, his hand firmly holding mine. As we gained the street, he slowed and sighed, hunching slightly. “I...”

“You can say no. We can go back in there, explain that we're not ready for this yet. We'll go home, read the primer, work on your letters...” I stopped and looked at Fenris. “Hawke was right. We're moving too fast.”

“I liked you next to me,” Fenris' face was a mask of unhappiness. “But I do not know how to do any of this.”

I tugged on his hand and we started back home. “Any of what?”

“Wooing. Romance. Relationships. I was a slave, Jen. The only person who mattered was my Master. My life was not my own. And now...now...” He shook his head. “It scares me.”

“Probably scares Anders. I get the feeling that he hasn't had this, either. A wealth of flirting practice, sure...but an actual relationship? I don't know.” I nodded to one of the nobles already out and about. “You're afraid. Anders is afraid. I'm still...missing Jay...”

“It would be good for you to see the clinic,” Fenris finally said after a brief moment of quiet. “It...it would be wise for you to get to know us both.”

“And if I still want you both after I get to know you? Then what? I have to say, I never was any good at open relationships. It was either all or nothing. I can't split myself up like that. I'm just not made that way,” I watched Fenris unlock the front door.

“And if it came down to having to choose?” And that was the million dollar question. Who would I choose? The answer was so simple I almost laughed.

“I wouldn't. I'd stay your friend. And his. No need to take it any further,” I reached for Fenris then, pressing against his chest as I hugged him. “I'd rather you two be in my life as close friends than lose either of you because of a romantic attachment. So that's your answer. Either we all decide how to navigate a romance or we all stay friends.”

“You would do that?” Fenris blinked, his arms tightening around me.”

“Heck. Maybe I'll give Bianca a run for her money, hmm?” I laughed a little when Fenris growled softly. “Possessive.”

“Perhaps,” there was a hint of laughter in the word. “Perhaps I will think on this while you are with the mage.”

“You two are more alike than you both realize,” I pressed a kiss to Fenris' cheek. “Your anger towards magic is valid. His anger towards the Circle is valid. What scares me is that both of your views are valid for the same reasons.”

“I will think on it.” Fenris said on a sigh. “Now, go get your things and I will walk you back.”

“And what will you do all day today?” I turned to head upstairs.

“I think I shall talk to Varric for a while. And then visit with Hawke.” Fenris hummed as he followed me. “Maybe get a surprise for the mansion.”

“Oh?” I perked up at that. “What kind of surprise?”

“That is for me to know and you to find out tomorrow,” Fenris chuckled at my pout. “Go get your things, Jen. I shall wait for you here.”

I left him there in the hallway, a small smile on his face. If I didn't know any better I'd say he was pleased he would have some time to himself. And wasn't that a terrifying thought?


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time in the clinic with Anders...
> 
> More kisses and talk of "who is suitable for whom and why..."
> 
> Jen might be considering bashing in the heads of the Chantry - no help in Darktown? Unacceptable!

“Well, here it is. Home sweet clinic,” Anders swept his arm out. “Improved since your arrival. No more saggy cots, no more wobbly tables.”

“They even got some of the stains up off the floor,” I went over to examine a large one that seemed to have cropped up since we cleaned. “I might be able to get this one up.” I dropped to my knees and put my face down near the ground and squinted. It was a dirt floor – packed tight from years of feet. I figured we could just scrape it off or maybe I could talk Varric into getting me some workmen to lay a proper floor. A hand wrapping around my waist and tugging up had me squeaking.

“Jen, get off the floor. It's fine.” Anders was laughing. “I think you've done enough. Not only is my clinic filled with new furniture, but you brought down enough food to feed everybody who comes in.”

“That was the idea,” I gave him a wide smile. “So...before you open those doors and light the lantern, what should I expect? And what can I do to help?”

“I'll have assistants here; we'll probably hear them banging on the doors in a bit. You know where my potions and poultices are – you did organize them. And by the way, you did a great job of that. You must have had help.” Anders walked me over to some shelves holding bottles and jars, bandages and pads of cloth to stop bleeding. “Just stay near me and I'll tell you what to grab, ok?”

“Ok,” I bit my lip as I tried to remember what everything was. Varric had had one of Anders' assistants down here to help organize and she had explained everything to me. I figured that as long as I was told what to grab, I could grab it. “Wait...what about the blood and stuff?”

“Hmm...” He tapped his chin. “We'll take it case by case. You think you're going to pass out, tell me.”

“Yeah,” I said on a worried sigh. “Ok then.”

He chuckled and glanced back at a knock on the door, his body stiffening and then relaxing. “Helpers are here. Let's get this day started.”

I watched him stand and stride back to the door, confidence in his movements. He let in several people, stepped out for a brief moment, and then came back in to introduce me. We only had a minute or so to offer nods of greeting before there were groans and the injured started to trickle in.

***

“I can't pay you...” A phrase I had been hearing all day and was currently being issued from the mouth of a haggard, too-thin young woman clutching a small child to her side.

I swallowed back tears and pressed the bread into her hand. “This is a free clinic. And this food was brought down specifically for the people who need it. Keep your money for yourself and your little one.”

“Maker bless you,” the woman dissolved into tears. And well, I'm a sympathetic crier so I started crying a little. I sighed internally and handed her another loaf of bread, tapped her little one on the nose, and watched as she slowly made her way from the clinic. I had just enough time to wipe the tears from my eyes before a man showed up, blood soaking part of his tunic, face pinched with hunger and pain.

It had been like this all day - a steady stream of injured making their way to the clinic. Anders had gotten to the worst of them yesterday. The ones today were people who hadn't been able to be seen yesterday or who had finally been found in a collapsed tunnel. All of them were hungry, hurting, scared...haunted.

I had quickly realized I was better at greeting and organizing than helping with the actual healing – so I stood at the front of the clinic and asked questions, directed patients, and passed out food. It had been a long day of blood, snot, coughing, sobbing, and hugs. I was exhausted – mentally and physically. I think there had been a whole thirty minutes where nobody cried on me. I had taken the opportunity to get some water because every time somebody burst into tears, I burst into tears.

The man with the bloody tunic staggered and started to go down. I rushed forward and nabbed him around the waist, wincing when he groaned. “Ok. Almost to that cot right there. Oh...no...gah. Anders!” I went down under the man. At least I had been there to break his fall, I thought with a sigh.

Anders rushed over, hands bloody from his last patient, and helped get the nearly-unconscious man up. “Blood loss,” Anders murmured. “Bad lacerations, broken shoulder, cracked ribs...can you get me a lyrium potion?”

“How many of those can you take in a day?” I helped roll the injured man over on a cot and blinked when Anders glared at me. “It's a valid question!”

“Just get the potion, Jen.” I gave a huff and went to grab one of the bottles filled with a metallic, thick liquid. Varric had told me a tiny bit about lyrium and I was fairly certain the human body wasn't meant to ingest crushed up magical rock more than few times a day. Anders was on potion number five.

He saw my face and just held out his hand, one eyebrow rising when I hesitated. “Jen,” he murmured softly, “I have had more than this in a day. Now quit it and give me the potion.”

“Fine,” I huffed, slapping the bottle into his hand. I shot him a glare and stomped off to go help another woman, one who looked like she was here for food and not healing. I heard a sigh and grumble behind me and then murmuring as Anders started to heal.

Stubborn...mulish...I muttered under my breath. This seemed like the perfect time to pull out Fenris' favorite curse word and I hissed “Fasta Vass” under my breath...amused to discover that it did, indeed, convey a wealth of meaning and allowed me to spit a bit. It also helped to clear out my irritation enough to realize I was tired, hungry, and sad at it all and taking it out on Anders.

I pushed all of the emotional turmoil to the side as I reached the rocking woman, my hand coming out to gently touch her shoulder. “Are you hurt? Hungry? Can I help?”

“I...I heard there was food?” The woman turned a hopeful look to me. “Is there? Food? I have three children and...”

“There is. Hold on,” I squeezed her shoulder and went to the bags that had been dragged down from Hawke's kitchen. A moment to wrap a few loaves of bread and some dried meat in a tattered cloth and I was back with the woman. “Here. No...don't...ok...” The woman saw the wrapped food and promptly burst into the tears, falling on me while murmuring thank you over and over again.

As tears filled my eyes, again, I thought perhaps it was time I took matters into my own hands and went to see the head of the Chantry. The way these people were living was a travesty. An injustice. Certainly, there had to be something the church could do to help. And if they couldn't...well...I would just guilt the shop owners into doing something.

Nothing like a well-placed guilt trip to induce people to support a cause. I just needed to find the little crack to shove my nice, pointy guilt-inducing argument...like a crowbar...

The mental image of me bashing Chantry leaders with a crowbar helped keep me from sobbing harder when the woman told me about her children. I added in some more dried meat before she left and slumped against the wall. I was so fixing this...this...”Injustice,” I muttered.

“What was that?” I looked up and into Anders' eyes, noting swirls of blue starting. “What did you say?”

“I said this is an injustice, and one I plan to remedy.” I stood and stretched, my back popping. Warmth enveloped me and I glanced up again and frowned. “Stop that. You're exhausted. A little muscle soreness never killed anybody.”

I got an amused grin and a warm hand on my neck for my troubles. “You're verbally slapping at me.”

“I...am. I'm sorry.” The words came out on a huff. “I've been cried on, bled on, clung to...and every person I talk to says the same thing. The Chantry doesn't help. The City doesn't help. Only you help...and Hawke.”

The blue was still there in his eyes, but banked a bit as he watched me. “Too much, then? My entire...”

“Oh stop. It's a freaking travesty of human nature. And like I said, one I plan on starting to deal with tomorrow. There's a freaking fancy Chantry just sitting up there in Hightown. I plan on inserting some good old-fashioned guilt into that place. They think they have the cornerstone on guilt? Please. I was raised Southern Baptist.” I spit a bit, muttering. I may have grumped out another Fenris curse just to make myself feel better and was rewarded with a bark of laughter from Anders.

“The broody elf is rubbing off on you, only it's immeasurably more adorable coming from your mouth.”

“Oh well, that's just not right. I want to be broody and dark,” I tried for a cranky face and was rewarded with more laughter. “Oh shut up.”

“Come here, you.” Anders chuckled and pulled me closer, dipping his head down to kiss me.

Well then...the exhaustion faded away on a pleasant tide of warmth. The laughter stopped about the time his tongue touched mine. The world went a little hazy at that, my entire existence wrapping around the touch of Anders and his taste.

“Jen,” my name was whispered against my lips. “Sweetheart. We should clean up and go to Hawke's for dinner.”

“Right. Dinner,” I nipped at his lip and grinned when his hands gripped my back. “Yes.”

“And after...” He let the words linger, eyebrows waggling while a smile crawled up his face.

“I'll read your manifesto and then try out your bed...wait. No. I mean, see how the mattress feels. That doesn't sound much better. Shit,” I scrunched up my nose as he howled with laughter. “Your laughter is marginally better than Fenris' response.”

“And what did the broody elf do when you started tripping over words? Melt into a puddle of embarrassment?” He was walking me backwards toward his cubby of a room, his eyes dancing in amusement.

“Rolled over and pinned me to the bed,” The words tripped out of my mouth and I watched Anders gape for a minute. “Er...”

“I can suddenly see he was so insistent on us figuring out the boundaries of the relationship,” The amusement had left and there was something else on his face, something softer and warmer. “You going to let me hold you in bed, then?”

“Maybe,” The word was drawn out teasingly.

“Maybe, she says,” Anders chuckled. “Come on, you. I'll draw you some water so you can wash up. I'm sorry I don't have a tub.”

“We could grab clean clothes and invade Hawke's house.” I pulled out the house key and waved it at him. “I bet he wouldn't care.”

“He wouldn't...I just wish...maybe I'm not...” something forlorn filled Anders' face. “What am I doing?” the words were whispered.

“Hey...” I grabbed for his hands, suddenly concerned. “Hey...Anders. Hey. Look at me. What?”

“Nothing. I have nothing to offer you. I'm an apostate. A possessed apostate living in the sewers...” I could almost feel him trying to close himself off from me.

“Comfort. Humor. A shoulder to lean on...smiles...friendship...you offer me plenty, Anders,” I frowned at his blood-splattered coat and started attacking the buckles holding it closed. “Come on, let's get you out of this. We'll go upstairs, take a bath...eat dinner...then come back down here and you'll show me this manifesto of yours. We'll spend time together and see...and if it all works out then you'll move in with Fenris and I. Into the house filled with people who don't have anything but manage to make ends meet anyway.”

“It doesn't bother you?”

“Pft. Now you sound like Fenris. Come on, if you're nice I'll wash your back,” I glanced up at him.

“Wash my back, hmm?” His lips twitched. “Can I wash yours?”

“Maybe,” I drew the word out again and finally got his coat open. “Depends on if you’re going to get all morose on me again.”

There was a head shake and a soft chuckle, “You win this time, Jen. I suppose I'll let you talk me in to a bath. And just so you know, Justice is planning on holding you to your promise to read the manifesto – so don't eat too much and fall asleep.”

“You can count on me, Justice.” I grinned up at Anders and then leaned up on my toes and pressed a kiss to Anders' right cheek. “That's for Justice.” I kisses Anders left cheek, “And that's for you.”

“Oh well...huh...” Anders blinked in surprise and watched me gather up clean clothes. “Huh...” was all he could say as he followed me to the door to Hawke's house. I think I surprised the pants off of him and Justice!


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A conversation with Justice
> 
> And snuggling with Anders

I squinted at a word, held the piece of paper away from my face, brought it back in close, and squinted again. Either I was reading something about radishes backing the Chantry or radicals backing the Chantry. It was hard to tell with the scrawling scribble.

Anders’ manifesto bounced between coherent, well thought out paragraphs and pages of scribbling incoherency. It was, a little bit, like reading through a social justice blog’s comments section - half of the argument were beautifully written; the rest were pure emotion.

I squinted at the word again and decided it was radical because nowhere had Anders ever mentioned crunchy vegetables. But radical factions in the Chantry? He had five pages dedicated to defining that very idea.

I was sitting on Anders’ bed…Anders’ very comfortable bed…and dutifully reading his manifesto. I say dutifully because I had overindulged just a bit at dinner and was trying, desperately, to stay awake long enough to get halfway through his work. I wanted to read it, I did. I agreed with a lot of what he said…I did. But I was tired and some of the handwriting was really hard to read.

“You don’t have to read the entire thing at once,” Anders’ gave me an amused huff. “Justice is just happy you’re reading some of it.”

“Mm…well, ok. But Justice? I’ll finish this. I will. I think maybe we need to discuss some of these arguments…” I started gathering up the pages only to find a blue-limned hand holding down the stack. “Are we discussing it now?”

“YOU DO NOT APPROVE OF OUR ARGUMENTS?” Justice really only had one setting and apparently it was booming loud.

“I didn’t say that. I said we need to discuss them. Some of them are more emotional response than actual arguments.” I glanced up and encountered electric blue eyes fizzing with power and confusion.

“OUR ARGUMENTS ARE VALID,” Seriously, booming loud was just too loud right now. My ears were ringing.

“Shhh…use your inside voice, not your outside voice.” I stopped…had I just told a spirit to not yell? I mean, I wasn’t his mother…dash it all to hell. “You’re very loud when you talk.”

“I APOLOGIZE. IS THIS A BETTER VOLUME?” The boom was quieter…a rumbling hissing whisper. I reminded myself to apologize to Anders’ vocal chords. “WHY DO YOU NOT FEAR US? ALL OTHERS DO.”

“Eh,” I shrugged. “I mean, horned giants….magic…two moons…a church in charge of everything…elves…what’s a spirit, right? One more crazy thing. And besides, you sit in Anders’ body. If I’m afraid of you, I’ll have to be afraid of him. And that’s not really an option, right?”

“I AM…” Justice hesitated. “THIS BODY DESIRES YOU.”

“Oh sweet Mary we are not talking about that. We aren’t. You and I are…shit. But we should because you share it too…crap crap crap. There is NOTHING in my religious upbringing about this…” I flailed slightly at Justice and pouted. “Fine…so is that a problem?”

“I DO NOT…” Now he looked at a loss. Delightful.

“What I mean to say is, you two are sharing that body. I don’t want to be in the middle of snuggling and you show up and get mad,” I tried for a smile and felt the grimace on my face. “And what if we get more intimate? Are you ok with that?”

The blue slowly fizzled into warm brown and Anders blinked at me, “Did you ask Justice what he thought about us having sex?”

“Yes?” I tugged the papers out from under his hands.

“He’s…you…but…” Anders wiped a hand over his mouth. “That was awfully nice of you.”

“Eh,” I shrugged again, blinking when the manifesto was pulled from my hands.

“Is that your default answer, then?” He was organizing the pages and tidying up his desk, eyes down on the paper.

“Fenris started to make a big deal out of Justice and that was my response to him. Drove him nutters. Seemed like a good response to this. Look, Anders, if I’m with you I’m with all of you. Not just half of you, right? You can’t turn Justice off…soo…he should get a say,” I picked at the blanket on the bed.

“You realize that this is working with him, yes? He finds your reasoning to be pleasing. Just.” Anders had moved back to the bed and sat down, pulling off his boots. “I never considered that aspect…I just assumed any relationship would be immediately vetoed by the spirit of Justice.”

“Mm,” I mean really, what else could I possibly say? I had never dated a possessed person before. It just seemed like the polite thing to do…I mean, two souls in one body…they both should get a say in what happens. Right?

I watched Anders start to pull off his clothes and wondered if I should avert my eyes or something. He was just tugging everything off with no regard for me sitting in his bed. He had gotten down to his pants before he turned to me, slight smile on his face, “What did Fenris wear to bed?”

Oh now that was a delightful question. I huffed softly, “his underwear…”

“Smalls?” Anders started unlacing his pants. My eyes could not stop following his fingers and I had a vivid mental image of my own fingers plucking at the laces that covered his…

Ok brain, let’s not go there. I lectured myself on propriety and dragged my eyes off of Anders’ crotch to meet his amused gaze and huffed again.

“What were you wearing?” Sweet Mary, the man was going to kill me with his questions.

“A tunic and my panties…smalls…” I had only had a dress to change into after my bath. We had come back to the clinic after supper and I had, without asking, raided Anders’ chest of clothing. I was in one of his shirts. I hated sleeping in nightgowns and figured this would work in a pinch.

Anders tilted his head as the shirt slid down to expose part of a shoulder and he grinned. “My clothing is a bit big on you.”

“Shut up,” I mumbled. “You sound like Garrett.”

“Ooo…be nice, Jen,” was the teasing response as he went around extinguishing lamps. “Or I’ll make you sleep on a cot.”

“Hmph,” I snorted. “Highly doubtful. You won’t get cuddle if I’m on a cot…”

“True, very true,” Anders shot me a wide smile and extinguished the last of the lamps. Other than a small candle burning near the bed, the room was dark. I watched the shadowy form of Anders pull the curtain he used as a door closed and then stop by the bed. “Are you ok with this?”

“Just get into bed, Anders. I’m tired,” I grumped at him, scooting over as he slid under the covers.

Unlike Fenris, who was only a few inches taller than me, Anders was good bit taller. Longer arms, longer legs…longer everything it seemed. He was also considerably more snugly than Fenris – which was saying something as that elf had figured out he enjoyed a good cuddle.

Anders slid into bed and pulled me into his arms all in one smooth motion. A blink and I was tucked against his side, my body naturally curling to fit against his sparse frame. He gave a hum of what sounded like pleasure and then rolled over onto his side to face me.

“Hey beautiful,” he whispered.

“Hi…” I was blushing. I could feel myself blushing. Suddenly the dark was my new best friend.

“You did really well today. You did. Everybody appreciated your help,” His other arm came around me and held me tightly against his chest. “Whatever did I do to have you fall into my life?”

“You were on the coast when I landed?” I squirmed in embarrassment.

Anders chuckled and tightened his arms. I opened my mouth to say something…the sound going from garbled words to a low moan as he kissed me. I guess snuggle means more than just holding to Anders because what started out as a kiss moved into neck nuzzling with one of his hands in my hair.

He was leaner than Fenris – and boy is that saying something. Slender with long muscles that I was becoming familiar with, seeing as how my hands were clutching and sliding over his shoulders and back. I wanted him, I thought as shivers spread over my skin with each nipping kiss.

I had half expected him to roll us over and lay on top of me, but he seemed content to neck while we faced each other, our legs entwined and arms wrapped tightly around shoulders and back. He kissed me for what seemed like forever. It wasn’t enough, it was too much…I was starting to make little gasping noises and rubbing against him when he finally pulled his head back.

And seriously, I was going to kill the next man who kissed me into a limp puddle of goo and left me there aching and unfulfilled. I understood, I did – nobody wanted to push me too fast. But this was some kind of torture that I didn’t know how to handle. Unless, of course, they got halfway through the make-out session and realized they had changed their minds...

Not that that was what was happening...Fenris had pulled away so that I wouldn't regret. And Anders? Well. I didn't have to nuzzle any closer to feel his body's reaction...

“Jen,” One hand slid down to my lower back to press me a hair closer. “I want you so badly. I do.”

“Oh well,” I guess that answered that question for me. “Well...I...”

“Mm, I know. But no,” He chuckled softly at my swearing, “I promised that we wouldn't.”

“It's like some grand plan to keep me hot and bothered,” I groused, trying to settle. “I'm going to kill Hawke.”

That made him laugh, the sound full and bright and happy. “Now that is very flattering. We will go slow. Before Justice, well, before Justice I would have taken what was offered without a second thought to tomorrow. Grab the pleasure while it's there before it can be pulled from me.”

“And now?”

“Justice changed me, Jen. We have responsibilities now. And I recognize that living for brief moments of pleasure mean nothing if they lead to regrets or pain. I see the flashes of sadness on your face. When those fade away, we...Fenris and I...we can move forward. I have lost somebody. It was hard. If you had been here when that had happened, what would you have done?”

“I'd make you wait. I'd let you mourn,” I sighed and relaxed, finally. “And you're right. All of you are right. It just feels so good and in the moment, I forget. But tomorrow...I'd remember.”

“I don't want a quick night of pleasure, Jen. I want everything or nothing,” He pressed a kiss to my nose. “All of you.”

“And if Fenris wants all of me as well?” I posed the question to Anders that I had posed to Fenris.

Anders rolled to his back, tugging me with him so that I was sprawled over his chest. He cuddled me closer as he thought, long fingers toying with my hair and down the back of my neck. “It would be something we would have to work out. I know his views on mages. I know his views of me and Justice. But your happiness is what matters...and if that means learning to live with him, well, so be it.”

“And Justice is ok with that?” I propped myself up on Anders' chest, squinting at him in the gloom. “How could he be ok with that?”

“He's always viewed what happened to Fenris as unjust.” Anders sighed and relaxed under me. “How about we take it one day at a time, hmm? It will sort itself out.”

“I don't want to hurt anybody...” I murmured against him.

“That's not how life work, Jen. But the fact that you want to keep that pain from both of us, well, it's pretty wonderful. Now, we should sleep...morning comes very early down here.”

His words washed over me. Life, I reminded myself, wasn't fair. It was never fair. I knew that. I thought about what Jay would think of this entire mess...would he approve? Would he be upset? Was I dishonoring his memory by cuddling with Anders? With Fenris?

Was I allowed happiness? Or did I spend this second life mourning what I had lost? Did I reach for new happiness or live in the past?

There were no answers to my questions in the dark – or maybe, in a way, there was an answer. The soothing sweep of Anders' hands as he murmured that it would all be alright relaxed me. Perhaps I had my answer, here. Living in the past wasn't an answer to this problem. But neither was simply leaping into anything new.

I let myself nuzzle against Anders as I started to drift to sleep. My last thoughts were of how comfortable he was, how safe I felt, and how I wished Fenris was here too.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dreams and snuggle and Fenris might not be as adverse to the idea of Anders as we all thought...
> 
> Amazing what'll happen when he has a night away from Jen...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo...yeah...we'll have smut in the next couple of chapters. Because Jen is about to set things on fire.

There were tears on my cheeks when I woke up the next morning. My dream hung heavy over me, the fleeting memory lingering as I lay quietly in bed, curled on my side and facing the wall. Anders' wall, my mind slowly noted. Not home. Not the windows that looked out over the backyard – my garden, the patio, my husband's smoker and grill.

I was in Anders' clinic. In Anders' bed.

The dream had been so real. I swore I could feel Jay's arms around me as he hugged me close to him, could hear his voice as he whispered that it would be alright. He hadn't sounded mad just...wistful in a way. That way he used to get when we talked about what we’d do after the kiddo moved out and we were back to being just us two. That quiet look he'd get in his eye when he'd be sitting and reading. The warm adoration that filled his face when he looked at me – no matter how tired, no matter how worn or strained or stressed. Even when we fought – that glint of affection stayed.

It had seemed so real. And then my eyes had opened and...

Well, I wasn't alone. There was relief in that. I was on my side and tucked loosely against Anders' chest. His breath ruffled my hair as he slept, peaceful and quiet. I didn't want to wake him. Not yet. Seeing me like this would hurt him. I was sure of it. As much as I wanted a good, hard cry – I didn't want to wake him and I didn't want to be alone.

The dream had felt like a good-bye of sorts. An acknowledgment of what I had lost, a chance to say farewell, a benediction of a kind. Knowing Jay, he'd be put out that I was wallowing, being maudlin about something that I couldn't change. He'd find the entire situation beyond amusing.

His Jen – the woman who only started flirting with him because of a table top game – and at first only during games because any other time was too embarrassing - being chased around by two men.

Thinking about him made me sniffle, a sound I was sure Anders hadn't expected first thing in the morning. I mean, what man wants to find out their bedmate was dreaming about their deceased spouse, right? Talk about a mood-killer. No, they'd want cuddles and praise and perhaps some necking or something...

I had underestimated Anders.

His arm tightened around me, pulling me snugly against his chest, and his lips brushed my ear as he sleepily asked, “What's wrong?”

“Nothing,” The word spoken every time that question is asked. What's wrong? I could be dying and I'd still answer that question with a nothing. Not a convincing “nothing” but I'd try to be stubborn about it.

His hand reached up and brushed over my face, his fingers coming away damp, “You're crying. What's made you cry?”

“It's...” I exhale shakily.

“It's something. You had a bad dream? Or perhaps...a memory?” I stiffened a bit as he spoke and his response was to move away and pull me flat so he could prop himself up and look down into my face. “Dreamed of your husband?”

My sniffle must have been enough of a yes because he gave me a sad little half-smile and brushed his fingers over my cheek again. “Do you know why I'm in Kirkwall?”

“You like living dangerously?” I mean, Kirkwall did seem to be a pretty dangerous place.

That made him chuckle, “Ah, no. No. Back when I was in the Circle I was in love with a man named Karl. Karl Thekla. He was older and so funny. Stable. I'd run away and he'd be there to gather me back in when the templars were done doing whatever it was they were going to do as punishment. During my last escape attempt, when I became a warden, I heard that the Circle had transferred him to here...Kirkwall.”

“What's a warden?”

“Mm, that's a story for another time.” The words were accompanied by a tap to my nose that made me roll my eyes. “So after I joined with Justice, we came to Kirkwall. To save Karl. Get him out of the Circle. I met Hawke and he agreed to help...we found Karl too late.”

“What do you mean? What happened to Karl?” I slowly brushed a lock of blond hair out of his face, anxiety curdling in my stomach.

“He had been made tranquil. You know the people in the Gallows courtyard that sell the potions and whatnot? They're tranquil. The templars they...they know how to cut a mage off from their magic. They sever the ties a mage has to the Fade...the place we draw from, the place of dreams. When they do that it...it takes away our emotions, our personality. We become...well...” He stopped and closed his eyes. “They did that to Karl.”

“Sweet Mary,” I whispered, horror filling me. “Why?”

“I don't know. To punish me? To punish us both? Something happened. Justice maybe? I don't know. But he regained enough of himself to ask me to...he said he couldn't live like that. That if I'd ever loved him I'd...” I didn't let him finish. I knew. I mean, how could I not? To live a life without emotions? I would rather be dead too.

“Anders...I'm so sorry.” It wasn't enough. How do you comfort somebody after finding out about that? “Is there anything I can do?'

That made him laugh a little, his head shaking. “You are a wonder. It's been years. The pain is old now...dull and sore like a bruise. I thought you'd want to know that I understand, in a way, what it means to lose somebody you love. That you dream about letting go, about saying good bye, about all the things you wanted to tell them. And that's ok.”

“It felt like I was finally admitting he was gone,” I whispered. “That now I'll never see him again.”

“Acceptance is part of mourning. Finding it means you're healing.”

“Does it bother you?” I squirmed a bit, trying to put into words my nebulous fears. “Knowing where I came from...what I came from. Does it bother you?”

“No. What a question. No.” He settled back down next to me and snuggled me against his chest. “Mm...this is...this is the perfect way to wake up.”

“With me having an emotional breakdown before breakfast? If that's your idea of perfection then yes, I am the woman for you.” Sarcasm was roiling around in my words. Seriously. I had been weepy and emotional and just...a mess and THIS was his idea of perfection? Somebody had low standards or...or...something...

He was laughing at me, at the face I could feel myself making. “Waking up next to somebody who hasn't left, who is open about their feelings...who is happy to see me. That's perfect. Plus, you feel so good in my arms.”

“Like a big pillow?” I was trying so hard to not roll my eyes. Next up would be a cute comment or some such nonsense.

“Mm...you are warm and soft, you smell good, you have these luscious curves, you cuddle back, and you make these happy noises in your sleep when I kiss on you.”

“I do not!” Did I? Oh no...no. I didn't make num num noises in my sleep...though that could explain the smiles I got from Fenris...

“You do. When I nuzzle into the back of your neck your purr like a cat,” Anders was grinning at me.

“Do not!”

“Want to bet? Mm...it's no hardship to show you.” Anders was openly laughing now.

“Oh you...tease!” I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest.

“You are perfect the way you are, every inch.” I did roll my eyes at that. Rolled my eyes and then went a little cross-eyed as he scooted and loomed over me, pressing me back into the bed to kiss at my lips and over my chin.

He nuzzled just under my chin and I let out a little sighing purr and he chuckled softly. I would have hit him but I have no shame. The man was nibbling down my neck and I'm partial to neck nibbles. I'm also partial to back rubs and sweet holy Mary, whatever it was he was doing to my collarbone.

I made a mental note – before my brain shut down – to make a sign that read “Hazardous to your Hormones” for his door. And then I just stopped thinking.

Morning necking was better than night necking because, you know, you're awake. It's also worse because I had to pee and he leaned on my bladder...which made me squirm in a less than sexy manner. Which made him laugh. I would have laughed but I was too busy crawling over him to find his...ah...water closet.

More like outhouse. But I won't go into all that now. I mean...how often can I have my plumbing rant. Right?

He was laughing at me as I pumped water and groused about the absolutely horrific plumbing that existed everywhere in Kirkwall when there was a knock at the clinic doors.

Fenris had come to fetch me home.

***

“Fasta Vass! You are not wearing pants!” Fenris had his hand covering his eyes as he inched his way into the clinic. Anders was, indeed, pantsless. It's not like he had stopped to pull some on when I went running for the bathroom. And why should he? He was home. And we hadn't expected Fenris so early.

So Anders answered his door in his smalls...just his smalls. I was at the pump, half-covered in water because I do nothing halfway. Wash just my hands? Oh no – we'll get my arms and part of my chest as well. Not on purpose, per se, but I wasn't going to tell anybody that.

“Well good morning to you too, Fenris. You're here awfully early,” Anders closed the door behind the elf and locked it, winking at me. “What's wrong? Don't like what you see?”

Fenris gave a grumble and turned his back on Anders, choosing instead to look at me. I was covered in water and Anders' shirt – that was probably not as much coverage as it could have been seeing as how it was a natural undyed cotton and now dripping wet. “Morning Fenris,” I gave him a wave.

He squinted at my neck and then came at me with a determined look on his face, “What is on your neck?”

I could not help myself. I couldn't. “My skin?” I asked in a tone of voice better suited to cartoon characters and bad snarky tv shows. My smile turned bright, “My skin is on my neck?”

That actually slowed the elf down. He stuttered to a halt in front of me and blinked as Anders let out a loud laugh, doubling over and grabbing his middle. Fenris gave me a befuddled look. “On your skin?” The question had that tentative “don't want to start anything silly” quality to it.”

“Erm...no clue? Oh...oh! Anders!” I leaned around the confused elf and shot a look of pure annoyance at the mage. “You didn't? Did you?”

“Ah sweetheart, I can fix it. I was going to before Broody-Bottoms here showed up but he's early. Come here, love,” He was grinning impishly. I tried to walk around Fenris and found myself hemmed in against the pump and sink.

“He has left bruises on your neck.” Calloused fingers stroked over my skin. “I do not approve.”

“Only because you didn't leave them,” The words were dry, “And if you do bruise her you'll have to come fetch me so she's not wandering around Kirkwall covered in love-bites.”

“You left hickeys all over my neck?” I slapped at Fenris' hands and rubbed at the skin...clearly remembering all the nibbles from last night and this morning. “Sweet Mary.”

“Mm...but you are so delicious,” Anders purred, finally moving across the clinic to slide one finger down my neck and over my collarbone. Blue light flared and then spread, making me shiver with pleasure. Fenris hissed and then blinked, swaying slightly as the blue healing magic touched the hand currently stroking my neck.

“Fenris? You ok?” I was worried. Anders was grinning madly. “Fenris?”

“Fine,” the elf murmured. He shot Anders a speculative look and then turned back to me. “I apologize for being early.” That was followed by some feet shuffling.

“Oh, it's ok. We're awake. Just not dressed.” I glanced up at Anders and then, finally, realized I was hemmed in by both men. And both were staring at me with slightly glazed and heated expressions. My entire body tightened up at that. Oh...dear...my mind gibbered. Oh dear.

“Oh dear...” I sorta babbled.

Both men got nearly identical looks of pleasure on their faces. At that moment I had second thoughts on the wisdom of ever having Anders move in. Could I survive both of them with me in the same room?

Oh Sweet Mary...would we all have to share the same bed? How would that work? Would I be squashed between the two of them? And they both like to cuddle...would it turn into some massive cuddle pile? And what about...what about...my brain waved the word sex and then started leaking sparks. How did people DO stuff like this? Was there a calendar system? A number system? Take turns? All together?

I stood there with Anders and Fenris staring at me and actually worried over how sex with two...ish...men would go. What if Justice showed up? Did that constitute as four or still three? Would Fenris freak out? Would I freak out? Would Justice freak out?

That...I finally decided...would be a lot of cock in one bed. Which made my eyes cross and my cheeks flush.

“Whatever are you thinking about, Jen?” Anders' voice slid into my thoughts and I choked. “Mm? I think I can guess.”

I turned wide eyes up to meet amused honey-brown and then glanced into heated green eyes, opened my mouth, and then closed it again.

Fenris glanced at Anders and then looked at me, speculation in his eyes, “I believe I can also guess at her thoughts.” He leaned forward and captured my gaze, “It would require copious amounts of wine.”

“Urk...” was my response. Anders laughed.

“How much wine would you need to drink to get into bed with me, Fenris?”

I half-expected a growl and then some flashy tattoos, but Fenris just turned narrowed eyes on the mage, “Copious amounts, mage. And it is not something I am interested in.” I exhaled in relief, “Yet,” Fenris added.

“Yet?” I squeaked.

“Should this progress to a stage that requires that conversation, we shall have it. Until then...it is a moot point.” Fenris brushed a hand down my neck and then back up to rub over my cheek. “I missed you last night, Jen. It is apparent that we will have to...discuss this...further. This separation. I do not think I can do it for too long.”

Anders tapped my nose. “I'm going to go put some pants on. You should get dressed so we can get some breakfast, yes?” He bent down and pressed a kiss to my cheek, chuckled softly, and headed to his cubby.

I glanced at Fenris and watched a smile crawl up his face, “You should get changed. I have a surprise for you at home.”He swayed and then leaned forward to capture my lips in a quick kiss. “I am happy that you will be next to me tonight.”

“Oh well...” I flushed and stammered. “Yes...I mean...”

His smile widened. “Go get dressed. You cannot walk in Hightown in just Anders' shirt.”

I scrunched up my nose, stuck my tongue out, and then haughtily walked back to Anders' cubby. I was going to eat breakfast, see this surprise, and then go harass some Chantry leaders into aiding the poor. I was not going to dwell on what had just happened. No...no I wasn't.

I really...really...wasn't.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fenris buys Jen a gift...
> 
> And then proceeds to one-up Anders in the make-out department.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twenty chapters and we have something other than hugs, kissing, and necking.

“So…what’s the surprise?” I had asked that question several times during breakfast and then during our walk back to the mansion. Each time had I asked, Fenris had given me a little smile and said the same thing.

“Patience. You shall see shortly,” Those were the words said. Every damn time.

Anders had thought it hilarious that Fenris would not tell me. He thought my persistence was adorable. Hawke had shoveled eggs into his face and just beamed at the three of us – as if he had done something…which scared me even more than Fenris’ surprise.

I stopped at the door to the mansion and glanced up at Fenris. “How about now? Will you tell me now?”

The chuckle was soft and rusty, exploding from Fenris before he could do more than shuffle. “Jen. Go up to our bedroom.”

“Our bedroom?” I asked archly. “Ours, huh? What happened to my bedroom? You know…the room with my things?”

“Mm…they have been moved to our bedroom of course. I will not have you scurrying down the hall unclothed in the morning. The room we are sharing has an adjoining bathing room and plenty of space for your belongings.” Fenris opened the door and gently pushed me inside. “Upstairs.”

I scrunched my nose up and huffed a little at Fenris. The little sneak – moving my things into his room and then dangling an attached bath at me as if that would make up for the fact that he had…you know…moved my things. I mean…it did. Totally. An attached bath? One I could crawl out of and into bed without worrying about running into people in the hallway? Golden. Though I suppose I wouldn’t be sleeping nude anymore…

Which made me growl a little at Fenris, much to his everlasting amusement.

“What was that for?” He was following me up the stairs, a smile growing on his face.

“Hey…do I make purring noises in my sleep?” I stopped at the top of the stairs, figuring that would keep me from grousing about sleeping in actual clothing. Fenris moved up next to me and seemed to ponder that statement for longer than I thought necessary.

Finally, he grabbed me by the shoulders and carefully pressed me against the hallway wall, ducking his head down to nuzzle under my chin. I lifted my head and he pressed kisses over my neck, my breath leaving me on a soft purr. He chuckled. “Mm…you make happy noises like that one. And if I do this…” He gently bit down and then sucked lightly, making me murmur with pleasure, “You sound like you are eating something delicious.”

“Shit,” I muttered, squirming as he took the opportunity to nuzzle behind my ear. I did make num num noises in my sleep. Crap.

“Mm…it is adorable. Though not, I think, what had you growling,” He laughed. “You know what I found most amusing about your things? Your collection of large, billow nightgowns. You own several but at night I see you only in tunics. You only wear the nightgowns at breakfast. You do not seem to sleep in them.”

“I do…too…” I squirmed a bit more and he pressed me firmly against the wall. I mean I had…once or twice…

“I would not be opposed to you not wearing them in bed. You could wear a tunic or...nothing...” Fenris whispered, kissing my ear.

“Fenris! I’m going to wear clothing to bed. Not sleep nude!” I gasped as he nibbled on my ear. His chuckle made me grumble.

“Ah…so you sleep in the nude. Well then. I had not realized that.” He pulled back and offered me a wide smile. “You may continue to, if you like.”

“I believe you are showing me a surprise.” I had put on my contrary face and that made him huff a laugh. “We’ll…talk about it later. Ok?”

“I can be satisfied with that, yes. I did not think to ask you before moving your stuff. I apologize,” Fenris suddenly looked unsure. “I…thought that perhaps you meant to share my bed.”

“Well…” I blinked at that. “I…yes. Ok yes. Sleeping alone is for the birds anyway,” I watched his eyes light up at that. “Show me the surprise? I’m dying here.”

His lips twitched and he took my hand, leading me into what had been his room but was now our room. I was led to a chair by the fireplace, his face filled with apprehension and excitement, “Sit? Please?”

I couldn’t help but follow his lead, perching on the chair and gazing around the room with interest. He went to the door that led to his bathing chamber…our bathing chamber…and opened it. I don’t know what I was expecting but the mrrp of a cat was not it.

“You didn’t,” I was up on my feet before he could say another word, letting out an undignified coo of joy at the ball of black and white fur. “A tuxedo! Oh…oh…come HERE!”

Fenris’ eyes were wide as I scooped up the little fuzzball. I gave the elf a wide grin and gently turned the kitten on its back, tickling its belly to peek at its nether bits. “A boy. Hah. You got me a little kitten! Hey there you fuzzy monster. What’s going on?”

The kitten did what all kittens did when rolled onto their backs, he squawked – loudly – till I righted him. He gave me a look that said “undignified” and then gave up all pretenses at catly dignity in order to bat at my finger and gnaw on me.

“You had said you missed your cats and dog. I cannot give you the other things you are missing, and I could not find any puppies, but…this…” Fenris gestured at the kitten and shifted.

“He’s precious. I hope you don’t mind loud kitten noises for a while. They’re active little snots till they get older,” I grinned as the kitten chomped contentedly on my finger. “Mm…what to name you…”

“He is quite feisty,” Fenris offered. “I was afraid to tell the Mage. He…ah…his cat naming abilities seem to be...lacking...”

“We’ll have to bring this little guy to see Anders. He’s going to flip his lid,” I was still watching the kitten chew on my finger, big yellow eyes taking me in. He looked like my tuxedo cat, Gustav, and I wondered if naming this kitten after that cat would be sacrilegious or something. I squinted at the little guy who was now reaching for my face, tiny paws waving in the air, and sighed happily.

I caught Fenris’ eye and tilted my head at the little guy, “He’s cute. Fiesty…playful…and so handsome with his black and white fur. I think I’ll call him Ser Dapper-paws.”

“Ser…what?” Fenris was gawking at me.

“Oh stop. You all use Ser like we use the word Mister. And look how dapper he is!” I crooned at the kitten who took the opportunity to nibble on my nose.

“You and the mage suit each other,” was the dry response.

“Don’t listen to him Ser Dapper…you are perfect. Just perfect. Want to go see Daddy Anders? Yes you do! Yes you do!” My speech patterns were slowly turning into baby speak, my voice going slightly gooey.

“Daddy…Anders…” Fenris was nearly cross-eyed.

“Well…I mean…oh…” I glanced at Fenris. “Obviously, you’re Daddy Fenris.”

“Jen,” Exasperation was just flowing from the elf. I gave him an innocent smile and he huffed again. “Give me…I cannot…Dapper. Give me Dapper.”

I giggled as I handed over the kitten – who was carefully placed in a small crate. The kitten mewled his displeasure. I opened my mouth to argue about putting our baby in a crate and found myself propelled across the room to the bed. “Fenris!”

I got that word out. Then I got out some muffled groans as he kissed me and then pushed me onto the bed and followed me back to press over me. “Fen…” Half his name before the next kiss. I was not sure where this was going – though I was more than happy to be on the make-out train with Fenris.

He had somehow gotten a hand under my dress, a hand that was moving up my leg at a determined pace. I gave a squirm and he chuckled against my lips, kissing me deeper and stroking over my hip. One breathless moment and his hand went from the outside of my hip to the inside of my thighs and then up and…

Holy Heavens – there was a choir singing in eight part harmony and it was all because Fenris’ fingers were touching me between my legs. Hallelujah, Praise the Lord. Amen.

I let out a choked moan and he pulled back to stare down into my face. I was wide-eyed, his fingers sliding along the edge of my smalls…teasingly NEAR all parts of me that wanted to be touched but about a billion miles away from actually touching. His eyes narrowed and he slipped one finger under the fabric and brushed the center of my lips and pressed against my clit and I nearly came out of my skin.

“You are already wet,” he rasped.

“Nng…” I responded helpfully.

“I should stop. I was...watching you hold the kitten...I missed you and...” He looked a little wild-eyed. “Hearing you in the hall. I cannot help myself.”

I am a reasonable woman. I am. I had woken up in Anders’ bed tearful over my dead husband. We had talked it out. Then I had given myself heart failure at the thought of two men in bed with me, had come home to find my things moved, and was given a cat…and now, one of the men pursuing me had his fingers nearly inside of me, fondling…driving me berserk…and he was talking about stopping.

“I will murder you in your sleep if you stop,” I gritted out.

“I do not wish to push you,” His words were worried while his fingers flickered over my wet, swollen flesh.

“I am a grown woman and I am telling you right now that if I wanted you to stop, you’d know. You all can’t keep toying with me and then leaving me hot and bothered and…you either don’t touch me at all or you finish this,” I arched up into his touch and let out a keening whimper. “Feels good. You feel good.”

Something eased in Fenris eyes and then heated, his fingers moving faster and that’s when the pleasure really ratcheted up 

It had been a while – and I hadn’t been doing much to satisfy myself alone. So those fingers gliding over my clit, sliding down and into me, rubbing and thrust and MOVING…they drove me over the edge before either of us knew what was what or who was who. One minute I was clutching his shoulders and garbling out words and the next I was gasping helplessly and quivering while sparks shot up my body.

My eyes may have rolled back in my head just a tiny bit.

I went limp and he pulled me into his arms and held me close and yeah…ok…I didn’t know what had brought this on and I wasn’t sure I cared at that moment. I felt so relaxed, warm and limp and loose and I just wanted to curl around Fenris and stay there in his arms till Anders showed up so that we could see how HIS fingers felt.

I had a brief moment where I wondered if this was a one-upmanship. Anders leaves hickeys. Fenris brings me to orgasm with his fingers. Anders uses his mouth. Fenris goes full on sex. Anders….what would be…my brain started offering me up some really interesting ideas and that made me get all hot and bothered again.

“What was that for?” I sorta half whispered, half crooned the question.

Fenris actually flushed. “I am afraid I was affected by the love bites.”

“I knew it! I knew it! Anders is going to try to one-up you now,” I wailed. “And you gave me a cat! He’s going to get really creative. I can feel it.”

“If he does, I shall have to get more creative,” Fenris growled and pulled me closer. “Mm, but you are here now and mine and I shall not think about that mage or his mage hands on you.”

That had me snorting. “I was going to go badger the Chantry today,” I said archly. “Though if you want to do this again…”

That had him snorting a little and giving me a look best described as molten, “You, honestly, do not expect me to allow you to walk into the Chantry to badger them.”

“Mm, I expect you to come with me to the Chantry to badger them,” I glanced at him and then started nibbling on his neck. “Please, Fenris?”

He groaned, the noise getting louder as I slid a hand over his hip and experimentally, dragged a finger over the bulge in his leggings. His hips bucked a little and blinked at what I was feeling. Ignoring his moans for a moment, I wrapped my hand around his erection and gawked.

Just a little gawking...I don't think he noticed. I hope he hadn't because I didn't think I could handle strutting Fenris. But sweet Jesus on a cracker, he was...well, bigger than I had anticipated. I was rubbing my hand up and down his impressive length when his hand grabbed mine.

“You are starting something we should not finish,” He growled.

“What? No I'm not. You already...I mean...Hawke can hang,” I muttered.

“Jen...” Fenris was begging.

“Do you want me to stop? Not because you think I should...but because you want to stop. Tell me what you want, Fenris. I'm a grown woman. A fully grown woman. You both are getting me all riled and then backing away without asking me what I want. So I'm going to ask what you want. You tell me and we'll...we'll figure something out,” I pulled my hand back and looked into heated green eyes.

“I want you. I want to feel you under me...over me. Curled against me when we sleep...but I do not wish to hurt you. And you are...” Fenris groped for words.

“In mourning, I know. But I can't just keep...look, I was always rather physical with my affection, ok? Hugs, kisses...necking...sex. Jay and I, we didn't wait. We jumped right in and I liked it. To me, it's just a natural extension of how I felt for him. I want...I really, honestly want you both. But if you don't want me, then tell me.” I was holding onto his hand, gazing into his eyes with honesty. “Don't think about what Anders did. Or what Hawke said. Tell me what you want.”

Fenris glanced down at our hands and then back to my face and slowly, smiled. “I wish to be with you. Tonight. If you will allow it.”

That made me smile, “Well then...alright. Then I'm going to take a bath and get changed. I really do want to speak to the Chantry and see if we can get some help for Darktown and Lowtown. Will you go with me?”

“I would be honored to.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jen's talk with the Grand Cleric goes about as well as can be expected...
> 
> Romping in the tub...

“Thank you for coming with me,” I beamed at Fenris as we walked through the front doors of the Chantry. The smell of incense hit my nose and I sneeze. “Ah, yes, we are at the church. Mm...I can feel my allergies kick-in as we speak. Such a lovely smell, all that incense wafting about.”

“I would not allow you to come alone, Jen. And you will be fine?” Fenris was watching me with worried eyes.

“Mm? Yeah. Just...will take a bath after this. Lots of good, clear water. And then maybe soak my head in some more water.” I sneezed again and patted at my pockets for a hanky. Dresses here had pockets. It was amazing. It was the most amazing thing in the entire world. Either of them. I had informed everybody, twice, that the pockets made up for the plumbing.

Everybody had thought my pocket raving was adorable. I just went with it because...pockets…

I was looking around, wiping my nose with my hanky and getting ready to vault into another fevered rave about dresses with pockets when the blue-eyed, handsome man in white armor I had met...a couple of times...walked up to us. I could not, for the life of me, remember his name.

“Fenris. Jen. What brings you both to the Chantry?” The man’s accent was delicious. If I wasn’t already shuffling around two men, I’d be swooning. Well, I mean, I was swooning a little bit. Just a tiny bit. I mean, that VOICE. I realized both men were staring at me and I tried for a welcoming smile - as opposed to an embarrassing gawk.

“Hi?”I glanced at Fenris and then back up to the man. “I...ah...ok, I’ll be honest. I can’t remember your name.”

Fenris gave an amused huff and then coughed, wiping a hand over his face as if to hide a smile. Mr Gorgeous Voice gave me a wide, amused smile and leaned forward “Sebastian Vael, Prince of Starkhaven.”

Oh...shit. Did I curtsy? Did I bow? Did I need to step outside and try this again? I was, clearly, starting to panic, my eyes swinging to Fenris’ with a distinctly “oh shit what do I do” look in them. As an added bonus, the panic plus the allergies pushed me to into full sneezing mode. Which was...to be very frank...embarrassing as hell.

So there we were...standing near the front doors of the Chantry, the incredibly handsome Prince of Starkhaven and Fenris - one of the men I was actively trying to sleep with, and me...the snot-filled sneezing woman. I opened my mouth to try to talk and sneezed so hard my knees went numb and I sorta started a slow collapse to the floor - to be caught by Fenris.

A few more sneezes and I finally got myself under control. I cleared my throat and looked up at the Prince with blurry, damp eyes and croaked “Hello.”

Sebastian burst out laughing.“Are you alright? Your face when I said my name...you went stark white. I was worried for a second. And then the sneezing…” His laughter was beautiful, musical and infectious. I rasped a chuckle. Even Fenris huffed a little, a smile curling up his lips.

“I’m allergic to the incense, I think. I...were you putting me on?” I curled an arm around Fenris’ neck and snuggled against him. Screw the Chantry, Fenris snuggles trumped propriety.

“No. I am the Prince of Starkhaven, but it’s just a title right now. I was a Brother in the Chantry.” He gave another soft laugh and then settled. “What are you here for?”

“I want to organize relief efforts for Lowtown and Darktown,” I glanced at Fenris and he slowly put me down. “I was passing food out in Darktown yesterday and there was no Chantry presence. These people are starving, are injured...dying down there...the Chantry is in the best position to help them.”

“I see. Well then, you are in luck. I can introduce you to Grand Cleric Elthina. I’m sure she’d love to hear your ideas,” Sebastian smiled winningly. “I know I think it’s a sound suggestion.”

“Is she available now?” I straightened my dress and tried for a diplomatic smile.

“Why don’t we go see?” He offered me his arm and I giggled a little as I took it. Hell yeah I giggled - he’s a freaking PRINCE. I swept down the middle aisle with him and thought, briefly, about princesses and fancy gowns. Only briefly - because as charming as Prince Sebastian was, he wasn’t Fenris. Or Anders.

***

“The Chantry already has enough of a presence in both Darktown and Lowtown. We send Sisters and Initiates to sing the Chant and direct the faithful to worship,” Elthina, Grand Cleric of Kirkwall’s chantry, was speaking. “We have our hands full quelling the Circle and keeping our doors open.”

I glanced around the Grand Cleric’s rather opulent office and gave an unladylike snort. “I see. You really look like you’re hurting for funds.” That got her goat, her back stiffening. “Look, I get that you have your ministries to the poor and needy. I saw the box downstairs. I know how religious organizations work. You probably took up a donation from your wealthier patrons.”

“They have been very generous,” Elthina nodded in agreement.

“But where are the funds going? I was in Darktown yesterday handing out food and saw no Chantry presence - official or otherwise. There are whole families down there hurting - hungry, injured, scared. People who had homes in Lowtown that burned are now in Darktown because they have nowhere else to go. The city has no Viscount, no leadership...you are the highest ranking official in the city. Who will spearhead the renovations needed for the workers? For most poor?” My voice had gone passionate wheedling, my hands clasped in front of me.

“We must see to the Hightown district first. The City looks towards its leaders in a time of crisis and we must act and look the part. The Qunari uprising hit Hightown hard - nobility pulled from their homes, merchants venues burned, the Chantry itself took damage.” Elthina said smoothly.

Right...damage. Did she mean the soot smudges on the front door or the trail of blood on the pretty tiles made by dying guardsmen. I could see that nothing was going to get done here and it was making me mad. “How about some healers from the Gallows to at least tend the wounded?”

“You wish me to allow the mages free reign in the city? I think not. The uprising has caused a stir in the Gallows - one being dealt with by the Knight Commander. She would never allow any of the mages out to heal,” Elthina sounded shocked.

“Correct me if I’m wrong but...aren’t you head of the Chantry? If you gave the word the Knight Commander would have to listen to you,” I glanced at Sebastian who shrugged. “Healers to help, mages who can move rubble...and your templars are all big and strong. They could help restore order with the guard. Sisters and Brothers could distribute food. If we worked together, the city would be back on its feet in no time.”

“Absolutely not. What you are asking for is...out of the question. The Chantry’s doors are always open for those seeking succor. All they need do is walk through and request aid,” Elthina was scowling now.

“And if they can’t? If they are too injured or too weak to walk to Hightown? What then?” I stood, shaking my head. “You are the Grand Cleric, the spokesperson for the Maker. The Maker would never approve of the way you treat your followers - the way you hoard your best for use only in Hightown. They way you speak of offering aid but refuse to actually act.”

“You know not what you speak of you. You’ve never been trained in the Chant, in the words of Andraste or the Maker. I don’t even know who you are. Some random person Sebastian has taken an interest in due to the softness of his heart. I believe our conversation is over and I would urge you to be at Chant to pray for your soul,” Elthina sat back and gave us all a pointed a look.

“Hmph, if the people preaching are like you then my soul is better off down in Darktown offering aid.” I gave Elthina a frown, turned, and stomped from the room.

“Harridan. Narrowminded, hard-hearted...bitch…”I groused under my breathe. “Oh no, we can’t let the MAGES help!” I twittered angrily. “Stupid...cow…”

“Did you just call the Grand Cleric a cow?” I glanced over to see Fenris next to me.

“She is the very essence of bovine. Mooing about her beloved Chantry with no concern about what happens outside of her immediate pasture.” I hissed. “I’ll go around her then.”

“Jen...wait. Jen...you’re making a powerful enemy here,” Fenris grabbed my arm as we made it through the front doors. “Sebastian stayed behind to smooth things over. You don’t want Elthina as an enemy.”

“I want my boot up her ass,” I said plainly. “I want, for once, to speak to a religious group and not have them wilt in the face of doing their god’s work. I want people to realize that a society runs on its workers. I want people to stop thinking poor or rich or mage or whatever and just be decent.”

“It is because you are good.” Fenris turned his gaze up to the Chantry. “I am surprised at her response. And while not surprised by her words regarding the mages it seemed...foolish. If the templars were there to supervise, why could they not send out some healers?”

“Hmph,” I grumped. And then sneezed. “I want a bath.”

Fenris glanced over at me. “We can go home. Bathe....you did promise me my first reading lesson.”

“Mm, that sounds like a plan,” I reached for his hand and smiled. “Want to bathe with me?”

“Jen…” Fenris squeezed my fingers.

“It’s for science - to see how big your tub is,” I hummed as we walked down the broad stairs. “I mean, can we both fit? What if Anders moves in?” I turned wide eyes to Fenris.

“Hmph,” was the response, though more at the Anders quip and less at the entire bathing together suggestion.

***

Steam was curling from the tub when Fenris stepped into the bathing chamber. I was busy throwing handfuls of salt into the heated water, one of the blends Anders had given to me. The smell of herbs and mint filled the air and I inhaled deeply - well, as deeply as I could. My nose had clogged up quite nicely after the entire incense incident. I heard a chuckle and glanced back just in time to see Fenris pull his tunic off. 

“Is this bath for me or for you? Or are we testing to see if we both will fit?” He walked towards me and I dropped the handful of salts I was holding into the water. I almost dropped the jar into the water. He gave me a lopsided smile. “Well?”

“Um…” My ability to form coherent sentences was quickly abandoning me. “Er?”

His fingers dropped to his leggings and he started unlacing them and...ok, let’s be honest here...there are a lot of things about Kirkwall I didn’t like. But laced up pants? Oh yeah - let’s keep those. Watching male fingers loosen laces on their pants was swiftly becoming one of my all-time favorite things. “Jen? Am I joining you in the bath?”

“Do you...ah...wish to?” Hey! A whole sentence! A whole coherent sentence. I mentally patted myself on the back and then inhaled as the leggings were unlaced and he slid them down.

The man was not wearing underwear.

Swallowing, I gripped the side of the tub and tried to not stare at his crotch. I let my eyes slide up his chest and thought - is drooling this much a normal occurrence because I’m drooling and I’m a little afraid it’s going to start dripping down my chin.

The jar of bath salts was gently pulled from my hand and I swung my eyes up to meet Fenris’. He was smiling - which was lovely. I mean, he has a lovely smile. The jar went on the small rack near the tub and then he was stepping into my personal space to slowly work loose the belt on my robe. “Jen?”

“Yes?”

“I wish to join you. Is that alright? We do not have to do anything more than cuddle. I will not push,” Fenris’ fingers brushed just under the robe, slipping down between my breasts.

“Yes.” I nodded, watching as he smiled again. “Try...cuddling...first?”

“Mm, yes.” He agreed, slipping the robe off of me.

I admit to a moment of nerves at him seeing me naked. I wasn’t a svelte, beautiful woman like Merrill or a curvaceous temptress like Isabela. I’m more soft and round, pale and freckled and pudgy. And it didn’t even seem to matter because he was brushing light touches over my shoulder and just smiling into my eyes.

Which relaxed me enough to climb into the tub - a not quite elegant maneuver that involved straddling the side of the tub and sliding into the hot water. I caught him looking...watching...eyes not on my face or my breasts but lower. And that made me sink into the water and blush.

Clearing his throat, he joined me - much more gracefully I might add - and then tugged and turned me till I was pressed back against his chest and his legs were entwined with mine. I could feel his interest in the entire situation pressed up against my back - and I did what any red-blooded woman would do in this situation. I wiggled against him.

“Jen,” He was laughing into my ear. “Sit still.”

“Mm? What? Wiggle more? I can do that,” I teased, rubbing back against his chest and erection. I let out a breathless giggle, the giggle turning into a laugh as he wrapped his arms around me. “What’s wrong, Fenris?”

His response was to nip at my neck. “There are consequences for your actions,” he growled against my skin.

“Maybe I’m alright with that?” I was back to making num num noises as he nuzzled and nibbled on my neck.

He tested the water...so to speak...by sliding one hand up and over a breast, squeezing. Strong hands...he had very strong hands and fingers and the num num noises graduated to happy moans and murmurs as he went from squeezing to rubbing to toying with my nipples.

By this point I was full-on rubbing back against him, shamelessly really. More of a rutting that had him panting into my ear. I was wet and wanting and he was hard and it seemed like a good idea to turn and pull him into a kiss. Which was when my allergies kicked in - again.

He had incense smell in his hair. My nose started tingling and I pulled back, horror filling my eyes as I started sneezing.

A few minutes later and the sneezing stopped. I looked into his face with fear in my heart and saw him grinning madly. Which made no sense. I was snuffling and my eyes were watery and he was just beaming at me.

“Wazzat?” I queried, voice rough.

“Have you been told how adorable you are?” The question seemed serious, innocent - and it made my eyes nearly cross. “Oh you have.”

I opened my mouth to argue back and he pulled me into another kiss, hands fisting in my hair. Sneezing - it’s sexy. Sexiest thing I’ve ever done - minus the whole billowy nightgown while cooking deal...and the throwing of wet sponges...I had to wonder about Fenris. For about two seconds. And then I didn’t care.

We kissed. We snuggled. We splashed around - well, I did. He watched me splash around with great amusement. I postulated that we could, indeed, fit Anders into the tub as well - which made Fenris point out that Anders had long legs. I told him I had very short legs and therefore left extra space. He rolled his eyes at my amazing use of logic.

Somewhere in all the naked romping, we actually pulled out the soap and scrubbed ourselves.

I was pruny and giggly and happy when I followed Fenris in standing up, sorta half-falling out of the tub to the floor with a squawk of amusement - his husky chuckling making me chortle harder.

He wrapped me up in a towel and threw me over his shoulder - which had me howling with laughter - mainly because he was digging fingers into my tickle spots - and carted me to the bedroom and threw me on the bed.

I bounced. Which was amusing.

“I thought we were working on reading,” I grinned, grabbing for the towel.

“We are,” he nodded, grabbing my ankle and tugging me to the end of the bed. “We are going to work on reading. I have given Tam and Rhian the rest of the week off. Their families suffered some losses.” He pressed a kiss to my nose.

“Ok,” I looked up at him in confusion.

“We will get dinner at the Hanged Man tonight and then come back here,” He pressed another kiss to my nose. “And then I will finish what we started.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut! We have Smut!
> 
> And Anders...what ever are you doing??

“And then I told her that she obviously didn’t understand what the Chant stood for. And then she got pissy,” I took another swallow of rum, my other hand waving as I talked to Varric. “Then I called her a cow...but not to her face because I do have manners.”

“Sweets, I am truly sorry I missed this,” Varric grabbed my cup and poured me more rum. “So you got nowhere with the Grand Cleric - not that I’m surprised. She’s pretty wishy-washy, if you ask me.”

“She’s a cow!” I was pretty stuck on that word. I stopped talking and shook my head, “No, she’s not a cow. Because cows deserve better.”

Fenris snorted at that and took my cup from me. “You have had enough.”

“Aww…” I was starting to feel more that tipsy but not quite drunk - that blissful in between stage where everything felt happy but I hadn’t lost the ability to focus my eyesight. I reached for the cup and he pulled me onto his lap instead. “Hey!”

“Hush,” He whispered into my ear. While I sulked, he turned to Varric, “We were lucky Sebastian was present to draw attention away from her. Jen is pretty set on making enemies.”

“Oh, pish. She’d have to form a committee before deciding what to do. She’d...she’d have to make a decision,” I said, cuddling against Fenris’ chest.

“Who are we talking about?” Hawke stumped into Varric’s suite, Anders behind him. Both men came to a stop at the sight of me on Fenris’ lap. “Jen...what in the void are you doing?”

“Right now? Cuddling. Earlier? I was trying to impress upon the Grand Cleric the importance of helping Kirkwall. But she’s a...no...not a cow. What’s worse than a cow?” I looked up into Fenris’ amused eyes. There was a moment of silence as I thought and the group looked at me. I finally smiled, “She’s an earwig.”

“Ew,” was all Anders said as he sat down next to Fenris.

Varric chuckled, “Now that’s a mental image. Sweets, I think you’ve had enough rum.”

“Pish,” I muttered.

“So the Grand Cleric said no,” Hawke took a seat across from us and reached for the bottle. “Well, I’m not surprised. Annoyed, but not surprised.”

“So what now?” I gave Fenris’ cheek a kiss and then reached for Anders, giggling as I was pulled over onto the mage’s lap. Fenris shook his head but said nothing. I grinned and pressed kisses to Anders’ chin.

“Well, apparently we cuddle more. Do I get cuddle?” Hawke was giving me puppy eyes.

“It would be like kissing my brother,” I made a face. “You’re the little brother I never had, Hawke. Sorry.”

“Hey! Brothers can cuddle!” The man was pouting, actually pouting.

“Are we cuddling in here?” Isabela’s husky voice filled the room. “Because I’m game. Hey Jen...Anders...Fenris. Oh...sweet thing, you look so sad. Here, let me kiss it and make it better.”

We all watched as Isabela poured herself onto Hawke’s lap and pulled him into a kiss. I glanced over at Fenris and then up to Anders. “Wow,” I said, meaning it. That was some kiss. “I’m jealous.”

Really, my mouth needs to stop talking before the brain can process the words. I said “I’m jealous” and Anders tilted my head back and kissed me. I half-expected Fenris to growl but he just chuckled and squeezed my knee while Anders nibbled over my lips. When we parted it was to find three sets of eyes on us.

“Oh, now I’m very jealous,” Isabela teased. “You have those two wrapped around your little finger.”

“I wish. Fenris won’t let me have my rum.” I pouted.

“I won’t let you have any either,” Varric pointed out. “And no, I don’t want you on my lap.”

“Yes you do, you’re just afraid of Bianca,” I said, leaning forward to stick my tongue out at Varric. “I’m afraid of Bianca.”

“We all should be,” Varric patted his crossbow, fingers stroking over the stock. “She’s a special girl.”

“Are we still talking about crossbows?” Isabela asked, her eyebrow arched.

“I’ll talk to the Merchant’s Guild, “Varric stopping as I sat up on Anders’ lap. “What?”

“Let me,” I grinned.

“You want to talk to a room full of dwarves?” Varric pondered that. “Well, but you have had your hands all over their business agreements.”

“What I mean is, let me come with you to talk. I want to make my case for a better Kirkwall,” I tapped my fingers against Anders’ knee. “I’m fairly certain I can handle a room full of businessmen.”

Fenris sighed, “When?”

“Well not tomorrow, tomorrow I am down in the clinic with Anders,” I got a squeeze around my middle for that, Anders pressing a kiss to my cheek. “So the day after?”

“As long as it doesn’t interfere with my reading lessons,” Fenris grumbled.

I grinned and scooted back over to Fenris’ lap, “It won’t, I promise.”

“Jen’s teaching you to read?” Anders was watching me, his eyes flashing blue for a second. “How is that going?”

“Today we started learning the alphabet,” I grinned. “I was teaching him a song.”

“Oh! Let’s hear it,” Isabela clapped.

“No,” Fenris growled.

“It’s a kids song - taught to them to help them remember the alphabet. Fenris, ah, feels like it’s beneath him.” I patted his hand, watching with interest as he entwined our fingers.

“Hmm,” was all Hawke said, his eyes watching the three of us closely.

“I am going to take Jen home. I only brought her by for dinner. She has been busy enough and needs to rest,” Fenris stood, but did not put me down.

“I have legs,” I reminded him.

“Yes you do,” he quipped, amusement in his eyes. He brushed his lips over my ear, “perhaps I wish you to conserve your energy.”

Oh and that wasn’t fair. I flamed red and gaped at him, sorta squeaking in annoyance and embarrassment. Fenris only chuckled and slowly lowered me to the ground. I gained my feet and sighed, glancing at the rest of the room, not quite surprised to see that Anders had stood. “We’ll, ah, see you tomorrow Hawke?”

“Yes you will!” Hawke grinned. “Don’t do anything Isabela wouldn’t do.”

“That leaves the door wide open,” Isabela murmured, winking at me. “Treat her gently, Fenris. Or I’ll track you down.”

“Oh sweet Jesus...let’s just go. Before Hawke decides we need to have the talk,” I begged, grabbing Fenris’ hand and dragging the elf from the room. There was laughter behind me - mainly from Hawke - and then we were out in the hall.

“Mage,” Fenris stopped walking - pulling me to a stop. He was looking at Anders, head tilted. “You should know that I am taking Jen home tonight.”

“Good. Because if you weren’t, I was.” Anders was grinning, eyes twinkling.

“I mean...to...we are…” Fenris stopped and rocked on his feet.

“Naked time,” I whispered, waggling my eyebrows.

Anders’ eyes widened, his grin growing, “Oh really? So...can I look forward to tomorrow night, then?”

There comes a time...no...no that statement wouldn’t work here. No, this was a rare moment in my life. A moment where I was taking a step forward into uncharted territory. Two men were staring at me and I was about to say yes to both of them. I wish I could say that I thought about it, that this decision was carefully picked over and prodded, that I didn’t just let my hormones run my mouth - but I was pretty much nodding and grinning.

Anders laughed at that, dipped down, and kissed me, whispering against my lips “I’ll barely be able to sleep tonight.”

“Oh well…” I flustered. “You should...I mean...because…” That made him laugh more, the soung happy.

Anders surprised us both by nabbing Fenris’ other hand and pulling the elf to him, “Treat her well, elf.”

“I...will?” Fenris was gaping up at Anders. “Mage...you are holding me close.”

“Oh? Am I?” He laughed and then dipped down to kiss Fenris as well...a quick kiss before he backed up, grin on his lips and slight worry in his eyes. “Well look at that. I guess I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Mage…” Fenris looked like he didn’t know if he wanted to punch Anders or call him back. “He kissed me,” That was directed at me.”

“I know. I saw.” I was watching Anders nearly skip from the bar. “I think he’s just excited about sex.”

“The mage kissed me,” Fenris reiterated.

“And your lips didn’t fall off,” I pointed out, helpfully I might add. I was being helpful. “Did you like it?”

Fenris actually stopped to think about that, “I don’t know. It was a very fast kiss.”

“I’m so proud of you for not pulling your Kali Ma fisting thing.” I praised Fenris.

***

“But why did he kiss me?” Fenris had asked that exact question about ten times on the way home. We would be walking, hand in hand, everything fine...and then the question would pop out. I didn’t have much of an answer except that Anders was a little more perceptive than Fenris when it came to emotions. A little more accepting.

Plus, he had Justice. And I had to wonder about that spirit sometimes. Not that I would mention that to Fenris. I probably wouldn’t mention it to Anders, either...

He was still staring at me, confusion in his eyes, and I finally sighed, “Look, he kissed you. It was a simple kiss. You can accept it or tell him to stop. If you tell him to stop, he will. If you accept it, you’ll probably get another one.”

“And you are alright with that?” Fenris was pulling me up to the front door, unlocking it, worry in his face.

“It was hot,” I was pretty fast to answer. “The thought of you two kissing...whoo…” I fanned myself.

“You jest,” Fenris drew me into the house, closed the door, and then pinned me against it. “You tease.”

“I do not! Well, I do...but not about this. Mm...two hot men, kissing? Yes please?” I grinned at him. “Could I get you two in bed with me?” The thought had my smalls getting wet. Holy hell...could I ever be so lucky, I prayed.

“You...but…” Fenris stopped, eyes turning considering. “It is not anything I will discuss right now.”

“Oh fine.” I grinned and scooted around him, starting up the stairs. “The thought only made me all hot and bothered.”

There was a growl from behind me and then I was being pushed up the stairs, Fenris’ hand firmly planted on my lower back. “I believe I said we would be finishing something tonight.”

“Learning the alphabet song?” I was grinning at the next growl. “Starting to write out our letters? Oh, playing with the kitten?”

The room spun as I was twirled and pulled into his arms. I was laughing up at him, happy and feeling very content with the teasing. It was amazing - to have this again. I felt comfortable...aroused and comfortable. It was...it was amazing. Amazing enough to have me lean up and kiss him, giggling into the press of lips.

I don’t think Fenris expected that - the giggling, the laughing, the happy smiles and teasing nip to his lower lip before I pulled away from him to run down the hall, tugging off clothes as I went. Might as well, nobody else was home and I was still feeling a hair tipsy, just light enough to think that pulling off my tunic and chucking it over my shoulder at Fenris was a good idea.

Until I got a look at him, that is. Then the running was less frolick and more flee. He had a decidedly firm glint to his eyes - one that I had not seen on one of my past lovers but, you know, read about in my smutty romance novels. Perhaps playful sex wasn’t something Fenris did. Maybe that was more Anders. Maybe we could ease Fenris into the entire idea of tickling and giggling in bed. But for now, it looked like I had a slightly feral elf stalking me and I gave a breathless shriek and ran through our bedroom door.

He caught me before I could race into the bathroom, a low growl in his throat as he pulled me back to him and for a moment, I felt a little bit of anxiety. But this was Fenris - growling was a normal occurrence - and despite the feeling of metal against my skin, it was a gentle kiss that was pressed to my lips. “You are very silly,” he muttered before tugging at my breastband.

I’m glad I wasn’t overly attached to that particular band because it shredded under his gauntlets. I took that to mean I should probably undress myself before he shredded my pants - pants I happened to like. Which left me wiggling out of them, tugging them down with my smalls only to hit my boots and nearly tip over.

“Gah!” That was the noise that left me as I started to lose my balance, Fenris catching me and shaking his head.

“Your boots should come off before your pants,” He counseled - seriously I might add - as he walked me to the bed and gently pushed me down. Kneeling, he removed my boots, my socks, and my pants and smalls - which left me naked and him dressed.

“You’re wearing too many clothes for this. And as sexy as that armor is - it has got to go,” I lounged back on the bed and kicked a foot at him, inhaling when he caught it. He nabbed my other foot and growled at me to lie down...and let’s be honest here, the growling thing should have been annoying but was doing things to me. And while I am not the most obedient and passive person - more stubborn and ornery - I followed his command because my brain was shutting off and it was nice that somebody else was going to do the thinking for a bit.

I didn’t lie down so much as sprawl backwards. I had a moment to wonder why I was lying down when he spread my legs, holding my feet flat to the bed so my knees were bent. Oh...oh...thought my brain. I tried to close my legs and his hands reappeared on my knees. “No, just...Jen, please, just lie there…”

“Shit,” I grabbed a pillow and pulled it over my face to hide my blushing. I could hear his armor hitting the floor and had a moment to hope that the wooden planks didn’t get damaged, and then his hands were back, smoothing from my knees down to spread me wider.

And while I wanted this, being exposed was surprisingly nerve-wracking. There was no noise but his inhale - sharp and sudden, and then a whispered, reverent moan. The feather-light brush of his lips over my inner thigh had me whimpering, the sounds breathy and desperate. The pillow was slowly pulled from my grasp and I closed my eyes, covering my face with my hands.

“Jen,” My name made me peer through my fingers up into Fenris’ eyes. “Are you alright?”

“I’m just nervous. New lover, you’re seeing all of me…” I tried to explain. “I’m afraid you’ll think I’m fat.”

He blinked in surprise, as if the thought hadn’t occurred to him. “I think you’re perfect,” he said quite seriously. “May I pleasure you?”

I opened my mouth and closed it. He was asking? “Yes please?” Manners seemed important here, and obviously the please had been the right word because his lips quirked up into a smile, a smile he held until his lips met mine.

My world narrowed to those lips, his fingers and hands, the feeling of his hair tickling over my inner thighs, the licks over wet heat, the fingers delving into my body - until I was twisting and clutching the blankets and wheezing with want. He was gentle one moment, firm the next, fingers stroking over and then into me, then back over me, then replaced with his tongue - until I was pretty much gasping incoherently.

It had been so long, and every stroke made me quiver, the heat coiling tightly in my middle until I came with a sharp gasp, my hips leaving the bed, his hands gripping mine as he tasted me, tasted my pleasure, and left me limp.

I had just come down from the high, was seeing fireworks behind my eyes and sorta gibbering happily, when he slid up my body and into me in one smooth thrust. And all that post coital happy bliss decided to ramp back up.

Well, not at the first thrust. The first thrust resulted in everything freezing. He was pretty well-endowed and it had been a while and there was that brief inhale as everything stretched. But then he pulled back and that long, slow glide left nothing but bright pleasure. The press of him made my toes curl.

A look into his eyes and I knew he was holding back, which made me slide my fingers into his hair and smile, “I’m not going to break, Fenris.”

“I do not wish to hurt you,” He said, his voice strained.

“You won’t. I promise.” I leaned up and kissed him and held his gaze. “Please?”

And again, that word seemed to be the magic one because he started moving and it went from a gentle glide to firm thrusts to near pounding. And the pleasure just ramped up from there.

He was quiet, just little groans and growls as I tightened around him, as I lifted my hips to meet his thrusts, and when I slid my hand between our bodies to rub over my clit, well, he gave a louder growl. It didn’t take long for his breathing to go ragged, his thrusts to start to become more shallow. I was making these little desperate noises - his shallower thrusts hitting something that was making the pleasure tighten again.

I couldn’t hold on, inhaling sharply as the pleasure burst over me again. Only this time I heard him gasp out something, my name I think, and then he was pressing himself deeply into me, holding me tight and close as he shivered and shuddered. I wrapped my arms around him as he wobbled and collapsed and thought, perhaps, that this could not have been more perfect.

***

My husband hadn’t been one for lying around in the wet spot post sex. We usually got ourselves up and cleaned up before collapsing back in bed. Fenris had no such problems. He simply rolled off me and then gathered me up, moved us around on the bed and then cuddled me close, his hands rubbing soothingly over my shoulder, arm and back.

“Hey,” I sorta rasped, my throat dry, “You ok?”

“I am...it has never...I…” He tried to gather his thoughts and pulled me closer. ”There has never been anybody I had wished to be so vulnerable with.”

I blinked and shifted so I could sit up and look down into his face, “Do you regret it?”

“No,” he shook his head. “No I do not.”

“Was it bad?” I had some worries. Why wouldn’t I?

“It was quite the opposite. And once I am rested, I would like to do it again,” Fenris tugged me back to him. “Did you…” The question went unasked.

“Oh yeah,” I couldn’t help the giggle.

“Was it better than your husband?” His tone was worried and that made me sit back up.

“Good grief! We aren’t comparing. It was amazing. Toe-curling, mind-blowing amazing. Or did you miss all the happy noises I was making?” I poked his chest.

“You were rather quiet,” He pointed out.

“No sense in groaning all theatrically.” I lay back down, snuggling closer. “It was beautiful and amazing and you’re amazing and yes, we should do this again.”

His response was to huff a laugh and tug me a hair closer, “Jen…”

“Mm?” I was sleepy. Sticky and sleepy and too tired to care that I should clean myself up.

“I am...very….you are very important to me,” He settled on that, his fingers clenching lightly against my skin.

“I love you too, Fenris,” I mumbled, nuzzling against his chest.

We drifted off to sleep like that, curled up on the bed. And when he woke me up a few hours later for a second round, I didn’t make a single sound of complaint.

And that time he did make me scream in pleasure.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fenris is kissing Anders?
> 
> Jen is kissing Justice?
> 
> And the entire of idea of talking to Meredith is shot down.

“You’ll be alright tonight?” I was fussing at Fenris as we waited for Anders to open the clinic doors. “Will I see you at dinner at Hawke’s? Did you get enough breakfast? What will you do with yourself today?”

Fenris glanced at me, huffed, and banged on the clinic door again. “Mage! He usually answers by now. I am concerned…”

The words were cut off as Anders threw open one door with some grumbling. He was in just his pants, chest bare and hair mussed. “If you aren’t dying come back later...oh…Oh!”

“Mage,” Fenris huffed at Anders now as he pushed his way into the clinic, closing the door behind him. “You look terrible. What is wrong?”

“Good morning to you too, blighted elf.” Anders groused, perking up when he saw me. “Morning sweetheart.”

I wrapped an arm around Anders’ waist and squeezed. “You didn’t sleep well nor eat, did you.” I watched as the mage opened his mouth and then shook his head. “Well then it’s good that I brought food, yes? Play nice with Fenris and I’ll set it out for you.”

“Play nice with Fenris, she says, as if we ever play nice together,” Anders quipped as I crossed the room. I turned my head and grinned, watching with some interest as Fenris started growling. “What are you growling at now, elf?”

“Your blather,” Fenris was eyeing Anders closely and I plunked the basket down quickly in case I needed to rush over and save Anders. One gauntlet-covered hand flying out had me starting forward only to stop when the Fenris pulled Anders down and into a kiss.

Well then. My body gave a weak Yippy! at the display. I was pretty exhausted from last night. Fenris had worn me out and I was a little concerned that I’d just fall asleep on Anders. Watching Fenris maul the mage, though...well...that was some inspiration.

Fenris pulled back, licked his lips, and then looked at me. I could feel my eyebrows crawling up my face. “Well?”

“I would not be opposed,” was all Fenris said.

I snickered at the surprise on Anders’ face. “What?” The mage...possibly now our mage...croaked in confusion.

“Mm...can I tell him about Ser Dapper-Paws then?” I bounced a little, watching Fenris grimace and then nod. “Oo!”

“Ser Dapper-Paws?” Anders had a befuddled look on his face.

“In a minute,” I bounced over to Fenris and wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing as close to his body as his armor would allow. “I’ll miss you tonight. And I love you. And I’ll be home tomorrow and we’ll do reading lessons.”

“Mm, Jen,” Fenris dipped down to kiss me - a possessive, biting kiss that left me breathless and one of his gauntlet-covered hands cupping my ass. I would have made some commentary on holes in my dress but it felt good to be manhandled a little bit. I rather liked Fenris’ possessive, growly moments.

“Mage,” Fenris had turned to spear Anders with his eyes, “You will be gentle with her.”

“Oh well, I wasn’t going to eat her alive,” Anders protested weakly, watching as Fenris pulled from me to gather him into another kiss. “What in the…”

“I will see you at dinner tonight, Jen. Anders. Stay safe. I shall be out with Hawke today taking care of some bandits that are preying on the refugees.” Fenris let a half-smile quirk up his lips before he turned and let himself out.

“He kissed me,” Anders was patting at his lips and blinking.

“Mm,” I wondered if I was going to have this conversation again - only with Anders now instead of Fenris.

“Twice. He kissed me twice,” He was gazing at me in befuddlement.

“You kissed him yesterday,” I pointed out.

“A little peck. More to...I don’t know. It was off-the-cuff,” Anders pulled at his hair and started pacing. “That was biting and some tongue...and…”

“Did you like it?” Really, this was worse than high school, I thought with some eye rolling.

“Well yes. He tasted good and I...but no...we aren’t...you and I...but…” Anders came to a stop and blinked at me.

“Mm,” I said noncommittally, pulling out some muffins I had concocted, fruit, cheese, and hard boiled eggs. Satisfied that the food was laid out, I turned and motioned at Anders. “Come here, you.”

“What?” Anders moved to me, blinking more as I pointed at a cot. He sat and I moved to stand between his legs, cupping his face with my hands.

“Let me talk to Justice, please,” I stroked over his cheek, watching as Anders sighed and then the blue glow slowly start to fill his eyes. When there was only blue, when his skin crackled against my hands, I exhaled. “Morning Justice.”

“JEN.” Justice’s hands came up to touch my wrists. “YOU ARE TOUCHING US.”

“Justice. We need to talk and I wanted to get it out of the way first. Tonight...Anders and I might...we might be...physically intimate,” I bit my tongue trying to get the words out. “Is that alright? It’s your body too.”

“PHYSICALLY INTIMATE. I AM FAMILIAR WITH THIS. YOU WOULD ASK MY PERMISSION? WHAT IF I SAID NO?” Justice’s fingers kept touching my wrists, tentative gentle swipes of his finger tips.

“Well then, we’d have a problem because I’d say no as well. Poor Anders,” I gave a teasing grin. “But I won’t push. I love you both too much to do that.”

Justice’s eyes were burning into me. It felt like he was trying to look into my soul, and for all I knew, he was. And as frightening a thought as that was, I was glad because it meant that he wasn’t opposed, necessarily. More considering. And considering was good.

I was being serious with him. I wouldn’t allow Anders and I to go any further than the spirit was comfortable. They had joined together to do something important - free the mages and bring down the Circles. I didn’t think I had a right to impose myself on their plans. Not without both of their consent.

My fingers stroked over Justice’s cheeks. They were his cheeks when like this - magic crackling about him, eyes unfathomable with power. One finger grazed over the corner of his lips and he blinked. “I AM NOT OPPOSED,” he said, his words making his lips brush over the tip of my finger.

“If at any time you feel iffy about it, say stop and we will,” I promised him. I don’t know what made me lean forward and press my lips to his - his power making my lips tingle with energy - but I did. For a brief moment, Justice stiffened, and then his hands gripped my wrists as he tentatively kissed me back.

I’d like to say I pulled away but I didn’t...I kept on kissing. Because slowly, the tingle of power left and it was just warm lips against mine and the hands went from my wrists to my hair. It made me smile a little, the smile making me break the kiss. “Hi,” I couldn’t help the giggle.

“You ask a fade spirit about sex and then kiss him,” Anders shook his head. “You are something else.”

“Seemed important,” I kissed his nose, his cheeks, and then his lips once more. “Think I can have a nap while you eat breakfast?”

“Did we not sleep last night?” Anders pushed me back a bit to stand, his eyebrows waggling at me. “Fenris keep you up?”

“What happens in Fenris’ bed stays in Fenris’ bed,” I said primly, plunking down on the cot. It wasn’t the most comfortable of surfaces but it would do. “Oh! That reminds me. He got me a cat.”

“He what?” Anders turned, a slice of cheese halfway to his mouth. “You got a cat?”

“A kitten. Ser Dapper-Paws. He’s a little tuxedo. Feisty thing,” I pouted. “I wanted to bring him down but Fenris said no.”

“Knickerweasles,” Anders said with much passion. “I want to see him.”

“Tomorrow? Walk me home? You can play with the kitten…” I cajoled.

“Knickerweasles…” Anders said again with more feeling.

“Or better yet, move in with us,” I was wheedling now. “Dapper needs his Daddy Anders.”

Anders choked on a bite of muffin, slapping himself in the chest with a fist. Red-faced, eyes watering, he gawked at me. “Daddy...Anders?”

“It’s truly amazing how similar you and Fenris are. He made that exact face when I said those words,” I watched with some amusement as Anders started choking again. “This is the only kiddo you’re getting out of me so yeah…”

“Why? Did the elf use protection? I didn’t know he knew about that sort of stuff,” Anders took a long drink from a cup of water at his desk.

“Naw, protection unnecessary. I can’t get pregnant,” I patted at my lower abdomen and grinned.

“How do you know? Things can change. Magic could have…” Anders started, stopping when I laughed. “What?”

“Unless it regrew my uterus, then I can’t. I had that part removed a couple years ago. Cancer and all that. So we had it pulled out and I’m all healthy...and sterile.” I leaned back and watched Anders’ brow furrow. “What?”

“Wait…” he put down the muffin and walked to me, sinking to his knees as his hands came up glowing to press against my stomach. “You...you’re right...how did I miss this? How did they remove this? Do you have scars?” He was now pulling up my dress.

I leaned back and shook my head, “Nope, no scars. They...do we really need to talk about it?”

“This is fascinating. I can sense scar tissue and...wow...how did they manage? And why?” He had my dress up around my waist and his hands on my bare stomach now. It wasn’t sexy - quite the opposite actually. If the man asked me to spread my legs so he could do a pelvic exam I was going to pull his hair. “Jen? Why?”

“Because the part was going to kill me, alright? So we had surgery done. It’s no biggie. They put me to sleep...did the thing...and then I went home and was tired and sore for six months,” I groused, slapping at his hands.

“I wish I had known you then. I could have...well...I could have fixed it. Healed you,” His voice sounded sad. “Now you don’t even have the choice.”

“Didn’t have the choice before and to be quite honest, I don’t want to get fat and pregnant and waddle and no have coffee or sandwiches or fish…” I groused. “I wouldn’t be opposed to adoption. Eventually. I guess.”

Anders smiled and brushed a hand over my hair as he stood back up. “Or not have any and just have me?”

“And Fenris,” I answered with a smile. “You two are enough of a handful. I don’t need more.”

“I wasn’t going to open till later. I had some late night emergencies and then Justice wanted to write. How about we take a short nap and then get started?” He held out his hand, hope sparkling in his eyes. “Just sleep. I slept so peacefully with you in my arms.”

“Oh well,” I took his hand and stood, allowing myself to be pulled toward the back room, “I wouldn’t say no to a nap. Not at all. But you finish eating. I’ll be in bed waiting on you.” I watched him till he sat down and picked up a hard boiled egg, then took myself back to his little bedroom to curl up on his bed.

***

“Name the most important thing needed by people in Darktown,” I glanced at Anders as I folded bandages.

Anders tilted his head as he thought and then shrugged, “Clean water and food.”

“And the second thing?” I watched him tap his chin.

“Employment,” Anders said finally. “That would solve quite a few problems.”

“I’m betting we lost a lot of labor up there in Lowtown...Hightown too. But those nug-brained bronto-lickers won’t think to go to Darktown for labor. What?” Anders was laughing at me. “What’s so funny?”

“Nug-brained bronto-lickers?” Anders was laughing harder, face turning red. “Where did you hear that? No, don’t tell me...Varric…”

“We were working on those stupid contracts of his and he was muttering. I liked the way the words felt in my mouth. Like...fasta vass,” I couldn’t help the pleased smile at Fenris’ favorite curse.

“I hesitate to ask what other curse words you’ve learned.” There was chortling going on. Full-blown giggling and some snorting.

“Oh, you never know. I do listen when you all talk,” I said primly, putting down the bandages and patting the stack. “Should be about time to head to Hawke’s. It was slower today.”

“Most of the injured were cured...or died.” Anders sobered. “I was so tired because I healed all day yesterday and well into the night.”

“Then we should probably head up to Hawke’s,” I hopped up and started tidying up the work table.

“Jen, why did you ask about Darktown?”

“Because I’m mentally putting together what I’m going to say to the Merchant’s Guild. I need to get them on board with helping out the city. Business owners like that don’t do anything out of the goodness of their heart. There has to be an angle they can exploit,” I explained. “I’ll exploit any angle at this point - up to and including them shaming the Chantry.”

Anders pulled me away from the table and turned me, tilting my chin up so that he could look down into my eyes. “Jen, the Chantry is very powerful. You need to be careful.”

“Bah. What can they do?” I frowned at his worry.

“They practically run the city. With no Viscount, Meredith will move to take power. She could declare you some kind of abomination...we have no idea how you ended up here. You have no history in Thedas...they could lock you away and there would be nothing to stop them.” Anders’ grip on my chin was painfully tight, his voice starting to fracture into Justice.

“I have you and Fenris and Hawke and Varric,” I soothed. “I’m not alone. But I will ease up some. I promise to not antagonize. Or...not any more than I already have.”

“Why does that not make me feel any better?” Anders asked in exasperation.

“I don’t know. I’ll have Varric with me when I talk to the Merchant’s Guild and I promise to not go back into the Chantry. Ever. Again,” I tried for a smile.

“You aren’t going to go try to harass Meredith, are you?” Anders squinted at me.

“What a brilliant idea!” I tried to pull away and found myself wrapped up and held securely. “Oh come on. I would be polite.”

“Absolutely not,” Anders said firmly.

“Just a little talk,” I tried wheedling.

“Why do I get the feeling Jen is asking to do something dangerous?” Fenris stepped into the clinic.

“Oh come on. Talking to this Meredith person could be a good...Fenris, you’re full-on growling and...um...glowing…” I swallowed as he moved across the clinic and smooshed up against my back.

I realized Anders was fighting a losing battle with Justice, his eyes slowly turning straight blue. Fenris was now growling against my ear, the vibrations tickling down my spine. Justice sorta let out a growl of his own, one that sounded suspiciously like “mine.” I was pinned between two growling, glowing, possessive men. I needed to learn to keep my big mouth shut - the entire situation wasn’t as sexy as advertised. More prodding with an aura of angry.

“Hey! You guys coming to dinner...what in the VOID is going on?” That was Hawke. Oh brilliant.

“Jen is thinking of speaking to the Knight Commander,” Fenris bit out.

“It was just a suggestion. Just a suggestion…”I tried glancing over Justice’s shoulder and saw Hawke gawking. “So it’s a no, then?”

“Judging by the way those two are snarling...it’s a no,” Hawke nodded. “Alright you two, let her go. Back off. I said, back off.”

I was pulled from between Fenris and Justice and found myself over Hawke’s shoulder. “I don’t mean to complain but…”

“Jen...not now,” Hawke was staring down two upset men and I was stuck with my arse in the air. “We’re going to calm down and go eat. Or, Jen and I are going to go eat. You two can stay down here and snarl at each other.” Hawke turned around and started walking from the clinic.

“Is this wise?” I dangled from Hawke’s shoulder and watched my two lovers sorta grouse at each other. “They look like they’re planning something.”

“Probably thinking of ways to hog-tie you to the bed, Jen. Really? Meredith? Though...I mean, if you go, can I come? I’d pay good coin to see you yell at her,” Hawke set me on my feet and chucked me under the chin. “You must be a relative. We seem to get into similar scrapes.”

“Hah, shut up Hawke,” I laughed and threw myself at him for a hug. “How’s Isabela?”

“Good. Upstairs. Probably wondering when we’re coming up to eat,” Hawke looked back and saw Anders and Fenris closing up the clinic. “How did you get the two of them to behave?”

“Not a clue,” i answered honestly. “Izzy’s upstairs? That’ll be fun.”

“She wants to know if you’ll tell her the color of Fenris’ smalls.” He took my hand and we started up the basement stairs.

“He doesn’t wear any,” I answered truthfully. “But don’t tell her I said that.”

“You and I both know she’ll know by the end of dinner,” Hawke grinned. “We can distract her by mentioning Meredith and watching those two get all hyper.”

“Good plan. Smart man,” I grinned. “Knew there was a reason why I liked you.”

“My charming personality? My sparkling wit? My amazing beard?” Hawke preened.

“Your fat head,” I said on a snicker, following him up the stairs and into what was, for me, another home. Home filled with memories and family and the smells of a really good venison roast.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A night with Anders...
> 
> There is discussion of Anders moving in...

“If Fenris keeps this up I’m going to retaliate,” Anders was patting at his lips again. I hummed, keeping quiet. “I mean, I like kisses. And he’s very handsome…”

“And well endowed,” I added, smiling slightly the memory.

“How well endowed?” Anders glanced over at me.

“I don’t...I didn’t measure it…” I smacked at an arm while rolling my eyes. “It’s not branded, by the way. No glowing dick.”

That made Anders wheeze with laughter. “Did you check, then?”

“Well, I mean, I didn’t get...there wasn’t...he pretty much just took over and I sorta…” I flapped my hands. “Next time I’m tripping him and pouncing first so I can get a more up-close look.”

“So he’s well-endowed and toppy,” Anders mused. “I can work with that. I do like to bottom…”

My eyes crossed and I tripped, landing on my knees and hands. On the floor, I let my head fall and tried to regain my breath...slow my heart rate.

“Jen...are you ok? Let me see your knees. Did I shock you? I would understand if you didn’t...are you laughing?” Anders pulled me up and led me to a cot, kneeling down to inspect my knees.

“I may not have ever been in this situation before, but the entire idea of you and Fenris writhing around on the bed together is making my eyeballs cross. I hope I get to be there...I mean, if you two...I wouldn’t want to impose…” I stuttered to a halt, took a breath, and tried to think of how to word what I was trying to say.

“So is it just…” He started, stopping when I shook my head.

“I’m falling in love with you. I’m falling in love with Fenris. I didn’t think it could work like this, to be honest. That the three of us could manage to...make it work...I mean, we are, in some ways...sort of trying...and” I huffed. “It makes me happy to see you two happy and all three of us happy and oh bother…”

There was silence and big golden eyes staring at me with surprise..a little shiny. “Well then,” he cleared his throat. “I guess that...that’s…” He pressed his forehead to mine and hummed. “And you wondered why we both chased after you.”

“I still do,” I said honestly, grinning. “Are there rampant vision problems around here?”

His shoulders shook as he laughed, “You are terrible.” Leaning back on his knees he seemed to sober. His fingers twitched against my knees and there seemed to be some internal debate that ended in a soft huff and head shake. “So…”

“So,” I echoed, nerves started to writhe around in my belly. Sweet bippy, this was worse than first time jitters. I hadn’t been this nervous since I was a virgin and really it was less nerves and more anticipation twining with anxiety that what he saw he wouldn’t like.

It must have shown on my face because he hummed.

“I want to take you to bed,” Anders started, watching with interest as I blushed. “And before we get carried away, I want to know if I may use magic.”

I opened my mouth and then closed it. How to answer this question. “What kind of magic?”

He cocked an eyebrow and let his hand drift down my leg, warmth following the caress. A half-smile crawled up his lips as he brushed a finger over my ankle and tingles shot up my leg. “Nothing scary. Some heat...maybe some tingling...maybe a little cold…” His eyes held mine as he stroked my ankle and this time it was cold that brushed over my skin.

“I...I can handle that, yes,” I nodded, watching the half-smile turn into a full one. Oh my. I felt heat flood up my body and I swallowed.

“I’m going to get up and go back to the bedroom, undress, and get under the covers. You decide when you’re ready to come in and if you strip all the way down or not. We won’t go faster than you want to,” Anders brushed a hand over my hair as he stood up. I let my eyes slid down his body and then back up to his face, nodding. He seemed to take that as his cue to leave and walked back to his cubby.

I sat there for a few minutes trying to decide what to do. I mean, my first instinct was to run to that bed tearing off my clothes and hop in. But, last night with Fenris had me hesitating. I had always been a one-man woman. If I did this, I would have two lovers. Two. Two lovers. I held up two fingers and gazed at them.

Two.

They both seemed to accept this - neither of them pushing or pressuring. Could I accept this? It was...I rolled my eyes. It was what it was, I finally decided. And if I was honest with myself, it was what I wanted. Both an easy and hard decision. I could have both or I could have neither.

I’d rather have both, I decided.

After that, it was easy to extinguish the lantern in the main part of the clinic and walk back to the little bedroom. Anders had a lantern burning there as well, propped up in bed with the covers down around his hips. He smiled when I walked in, eyes brightening.

“I thought you might run,” He said with a slight flush. “I mean, there’s no rush. No stress. I’m…”

“Naked,” I said, waggling my eyebrows.

“Yes,” He laughed at that. “You aren’t.”

“Give me a moment, geez,” I huffed with good humor. I tugged off my clothes, trying to not fidget under his gaze. It was very hard to not cross my arms over my breasts and I stood there a moment, facing away from the bed, and tried to give myself a pep talk.

Fenris had liked what he saw. Anders was going to be fine with my body. We can’t chicken out now - the hot healer man is wanting to use sex magic. My common sense was currently warring with my poor self esteem - my hormones were on the fence waving little pennants that read “we want the sex magic!”

Arms wrapped around me and I jerked a bit, relaxing when I realized it was Anders behind me. His lips brushed over my hair and then down as he nuzzled against my neck, “Hey.”

“Hi,” I squirmed a he nibbled at my ear.

“You alright?” His breath tickled. So did his stubble.

“I’m just having an internal argument over turning around,” I admitted.

The room spun and then he was grinning down at me, eyes darkening as they landed on my breasts. Oh...my mind stuttered to a halt at his inhale. “Ahh…”

I had thought Fenris was fast at the whole getting me on the bed thing. Anders had me across the room and on the bed before I could do more than squeak. His lips were on mine and his lanky body was pressing me into the bed and I think I gave in and went “Yippy” against his lips.

Which had him laughing and fluttering his hands against my side - the wretch.

We ended up rolling on the bed, my short arms flailing madly as he tickled me. I howled with laughter and tried to tickle him - and he was ticklish, along his sides and on his belly. His laughter melded with with mine and we grappled until I found myself pressed tightly to his chest, his eyes shining and lips quirked up.

“I like a good tickle romp,” he admitted.

“Me too,” I said before leaning up to kiss him gently, one he returned slowly, tenderly. I relaxed and he smiled against my lips and let his hands slide over me. At first it was just the whisper of his fingers and then it was heat and tingling that radiated over my skin, making me arch into him, making my fingers clutch tightly at the covers.

He touched me everywhere with those clever, electric fingers. Heat and then the hint of cold and then the little shock that made my breath hitch and my body jump. Those fingers went everywhere and ended up sliding down my mound, between my lips and then into me and then...then I started making noise. Loud whimpers and gasps as I lost control.

Twice. He brought me over twice with his fingers plunging into my body and his lips pressed to mine. I was a quivering mess when he finally slid between my thighs and looked at me and waited.

“Urgh,” I groaned.

“Is that a yes?” He rolled his hips against mine I felt...well hell...I propped myself up on my elbows and looked down at our bodies and then into his eyes. “What?” His voice was confused.

“Is it a thing here? All men are dashingly handsome and well endowed or what?” I glanced back down and then let myself foomp on the bed. His hips rolled against mine again and I bucked against his cock.

He laughed, deep and throaty, and buried his face in my neck, nipping at the skin. “Yes or no?”

“Yes,” I gasped, inhaling when he pressed in. I was better prepared tonight and there was less sudden stretch and more pleasured burn. He let out a gusty moan and settled against me, hips pressed tight.

“Maker, you are so tight,” he whispered. “So wet.”

I wiggled under him and his lips pinched together. I did it again and this time he raised an eyebrow. I gave him a big grin and he responded with a long, languid thrust that wiped the grin from my face as my eyes crossed.

Anders moved like we were dancing to music - slow, beautiful music. It’s a cheesy analogy, i know - but so appropriate. He seemed to know when to go faster, when to slow down, and how to press his fingers just so - just right - so that stars exploded behind my eyes. There was no actual speaking, just moans and gasps and groans of pleasure as we moved faster. He pushed me over again and I clutched him to me and felt him follow me with a hissed whimper, my name breathed out against my hair as he shuddered and I writhed.

***

I was patting his chest hair when he finally spoke again. “You’re the first,” He swallowed. “The first in a long time, I mean.”

“I was going to freak out,” I glanced up at him. “And then make a comment about beginners luck.”

His chuckle shook me. “Trust me, I’ve had many lovers.”

“Oh well, now you’re bragging,” I pressed a kiss to one nipple and grinned when he pinched my arm. “the point is?”

“You were worth the wait.”

His words knocked the breath from me and I lay on his chest and wondered what to say. Did I need to say anything? Could I just lie here and bask in the knowledge that I had been good in bed? Of course, my mouth had other plans…

“If you moved in we could do this more often,” I pointed out, groaning at myself.

“Mm, true,” His hand snaked down my back to cup my ass. I wiggled and then stiffened as he slid a finger down my cleft. “Jen?”

“Erg?” Holy hell I was not ready to go again - was I? I needed sleep. I was tired. Tired...body, dammit. Stop getting so excited.

“Problems?” His voice was heated and his hand was somehow slick...how did he do that? Was that magic? Could magic do that? I mean...some sort of insta-lube spell? How useful...and it made it wonder how often he had used it.

“Urk?” His finger was doing more than stroking, there was definitely pressing going on. I gave another wiggle and then pressed back, hissing at the sudden intrusion.

He gave another low laugh and did something with his hand that had my head popping up and my eyes widening. “Hi,” He was laughing at me.

“Gah!” I was hoping my vocabulary would return. These little non-words were embarrassing.

“Judging by your reaction, this isn’t a new thing,” He teased, pulling his hand back and then pressing in with two fingers. I felt my eyes cross. “Good?”

“Hrm...ah...yes!” A word! A real word! I had enough presence of mind to snake my hand down his body and crap he was hard again. “Wow…”

“Warden,” He grunted, as I stroked him. “Jen…”

“Mm,” I hummed in appreciation. I wanted to taste him. I wondered if I could wiggle away before he stopped me. “Mm?”

“I am about to pin you down and do unspeakable things to you,” He warned.

I laughed. He pulled his hand away - probably so he could flip me - and I dove down his body and pinned his hips to the bed. “Nope.”

“Jen!”

“Can’t hear you,” I hummed as I took the opportunity to bite at one hip. His groan let me know all I needed to and I nibbled my way over to his cock and well...that was more than I was used to working with but I was ambitious and motivated.

The best part about pleasuring a man using my mouth was how much I can drive him nuts with just a little effort. Anders was a quiet lover, but what he lacked in noise he made up for with hips thrusts and wiggles, hand clenching and tender touches. The way he filled my mouth, the feeling of him on my tongue, his taste, the little sighs he gave when I tongued over his balls and stroked him with my hands...it was intoxicating. Beautiful. And while I’m not one for swallowing, I had no problems with him coming on my breasts...which he did...much to his shock and my amusement because he came and I purred happily and he goggled at me and then there was giggling…

And me looking around for a towel because the act is fun but if you let that dry it itches.

He grabbed me before I could move, sitting up and pulling me to him to lick my chest clean and my brain fuzzed out. Just...fuzzed out. Holy Mother of God. This was a new and glorious experience. He was licking and I was squirming and I swear to all that’s holy I get so hot from giving blow jobs and he was hard...again...and I might have made some concerned noises because he laughed.

“I’m a warden, Jen,” He explained again right before he dragged his tongue over my nipple and I let out an embarrassingly loud moan. “With proper food and rest I could go all night.”

“I would be rubbed raw,” I muttered. “There is something called too much of a good thing.”

Sweet Bippy, his eyes had gone all wide and gooey. Puppy eyes...puppy eyes and a devilish grin. “But one more time?”

“Oh…”I let out an overly dramatic sigh as he lay back and rolled us, his eyebrows waggling. “One more...then sleep.”

“One more tonight,” He said with a big grin.

“One more...wait...what?” I goggled as he started to disappear down my body. “Hey...you get...oh my...no...don’t move. Yes... alright…” I decided to not worry about the whole “for tonight” thing and everything went bright and shining and pleasure-filled.

***

Morning came all too soon. Or I assumed it was morning. I was curled up in a ball with the covers pulled over my head when I felt arms wrap around me. I slapped back at the body and muttered, “we’ve done this five times. I need to sleep, Anders.”

The chuckle was decidedly raspier and my head popped up. “Morning sleepyhead,” Fenris purred against my neck.

Oh...Fenris was...here. And I was in Anders’ bed. Sore from Anders. Tired...because I hadn’t had much sleep over the last two nights. And befuddled because I was not awake. The bed shook and there was some grumbling about “blasted mages” and “watch your feet” and then Anders was on the other side of me. I blinked at him and he grinned.

“You look adorable,” He pressed a kiss to my nose.

“Five times?” Fenris’ voice washed over me from behind and I watched Anders give a smug smile.

“Warden stamina,” He preened.

“I am impressed. I thought my three was admirable,” He sounded thoughtful.

“Three? That is impressive, though,” Anders certainly looked impressed. “Rumor has it you’re rather...toppy.” Now he sounded hopeful.

Fenris hummed, “I do prefer to be in charge, yes.”

I lay there and listened to the two of them flirt over me and wondered if I should feel jealous. Then I heard, “I think she would like that” and wondered what I had missed.

“What would I like?” I tried to sit up and found myself with too many men and not enough covers to sit up. “Guys! Hey...ack...smothered!” Anders was nuzzling into my neck and Fenris was kissing my shoulder. I feebly wiggled, “Help! Snuggle pile! Snuggle pile!”

Anders chuckled, “I said you would like it if I was there with you two.”

“Oh…” Heaven’s body. We went five times. Five. Times. Have some restraint. Sadly, my entire body perked up - not as perky as say, last night, but everything was giving it the old try. “Yes?”

“On a trial basis,” Fenris muttered into my hair. “If we cannot live together, it will not work out.”

“Perhaps you two should date?” I asked, finally getting an arm free and wacking at both of them. “Gah...need to use the watercloset.”

“I believe it would be better for him to move in so that you do not wander off unattended,” Fenris rolled off the bed and started unwinding the blankets from me, grinning when my nude body came into view. “That is a pretty picture.”

“Shut up,” I muttered, trying to wiggle from Anders, who gave me one final kiss before letting me go.

“She’s a cranky morning person,” I heard Anders say as I rushed from the room.

I was so intent that I didn’t even realize anybody else was in the clinic and screamed when I saw Hawke...who must have just walked in and let out a loud “Gah! Jen!” I slammed the watercloset door closed and panted, grateful I had actually thought to lock myself in with the commode. From outside I heard some laughing and Hawke’s mournful grumble.

“Does nobody knock?” I yelled through door.

“Sorry!” He yelled back. There was a pause and then “You’re really hot!”

“Garrett!” I screeched, hearing laughter. I sighed.

What a way to start a day.

**Author's Note:**

> **mentions of Oklahoma and Midwest City are taken from real life
> 
> **If you have some ideas for crazy situations for Jen, send me a note. I'll work them in!
> 
> ** I can be found on Tumblr under Warriormaggie

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Kirkwall Welcoming](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3274193) by [imarastrahm](https://archiveofourown.org/users/imarastrahm/pseuds/imarastrahm)




End file.
